


Vices & Virtues

by JoeySharkbait



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Romance, College, Comedy, Dark Comedy, Drama, Dramedy, Drugs, Drunken Shenanigans, F/F, Friendship, Gay, Grief/Mourning, Music, Punk Rock, Yuri, hoodrat shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26543503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoeySharkbait/pseuds/JoeySharkbait
Summary: [Modern day AU] Being the adventures of a young woman whose principle interests are sake, adrenaline rushes, and punk rock. Sango loses someone close to her in the middle of her graduate school career. This is her journey through grief, grad school, romance, and all the lovely dumpster fires those things have to offer.
Relationships: Ayame/Kouga (InuYasha), Ginta/Hakkaku (InuYasha), Higurashi Kagome/InuYasha, Kagura/Sango (InuYasha), Sango/Kagura
Kudos: 2





	1. Remember When

' _Remember when…'_

" _Hey, Rika, wake up…"_

' _I didn't need you…'_

_I clutch the blankets of the hospice bed, tears streaming down my cheeks._

' _Well I need you now…'_

" _Rika, Sango's here…"_

' _To hold my head…'_

_I can only think of the phone call I received last night around 01:00. She didn't sound like herself. She asked me to come see her…_

' _Up high, say 'it's all better, child'...'_

_I think she knew._

_I hold her hand. It's getting colder all the time._

" _Is Kohaku going to be here?"_

" _No, he's still in basic with the SDF. I haven't been able to get a hold of him."_

_Kohaku never knew you like I did…_

_We had been here since 11:00. It was approaching 13:00. She hasn't opened her eyes this entire time._

' _Remember when…'_

_I feel Father's strong hand grip my shoulder. He leans over me._

' _I was alone and…'_

" _Hey, Rika, Sango's here—our girl…"_

' _Crying out…'_

_His voice cracked._

' _You will be missed…'_

" _Please say something, I'm here…"_

' _But I know that you're all better now.'_

She's not breathing anymore.

_I've never cried so hard as when you stopped breathing._

Father's embrace wasn't enough.

"It's okay, Sango…" My cousin who looks just like her whom I've only met just this once held me. "She can breathe again."

I looked over my shoulder at Mother one last time, with the last shred of hope, that she would open her eyes.

I could still hear her voice. _"I love you…"_

"Kohaku…" Father was able to get a hold of him. Finally. But I could barely hear the conversation. "Your mother… she…"

_I miss you…_

* * *

I walked out of the hospice and was greeted with the mocking cruelty of a beautiful Spring day. It was still chilly out. I made a beeline for the car, my mind blank. I retrieved my phone out of my pocket for the first time since my aunt called this morning with the news that Mother was unresponsive. I took a deep breath and scrolled through my contacts.

" _Hello?"_

"Miroku?"

" _Sango?"_

I almost couldn't say it. "My mom died." I began to cry again.

" _Oh, Sango…"_ My best friend's voice brought me little comfort. " _Sango, no… God I'm so sorry…"_

"Yeah…" I wanted to see him. But then, I didn't. I needed to see my people, though… I don't know…

"Sango…" Father caught up to me. "Sango…" He put his hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him. I couldn't look at him. "I know you just lost your mother… I know this hurts… Just _please_ don't do anything rash."

"I won't."

"You still have people who love you… I'm here for you…" We got into Father's car. He looked at me. He still had tears in his eyes. "You have friends that are here for you."

"What did Kohaku say?"

Father was quiet for a moment. He ran his hand through his graying hair and looked ahead out the windshield. "He said he should be granted leave immediately. But it may take him a couple weeks to come home."

"Oh." _So I'll be alone. Again._

Father sighed. "You know… you'll have to make… the arrangements… since Kohaku is not present."

"I doubt he would anyway."

"Sango!"

An awkward silence filled the small space.

* * *

"Oh! Sango! What brings you in?" I was greeted too cheerily at the cash register by Yura, an old… friend. We didn't exactly part on good terms. She was just doing her job.

I shall offer honesty today. To hell with polite banter. "Kinda shitty, to be honest with you."

"Oh…?" Yura's 'customer service with a smile' act shattered. I lazily dropped my energy drink and candy bar on the counter. Should have bought some booze.

"Mom passed away this afternoon."

"Damn…"

Yura had met Mother plenty of times in the nursing home. I could tell she was saddened by the news. Mother hated her, though.

"Yeah…" I paid for my purchases. "I don't need a bag."

"Shit…" Yura looked at me. "Hey, I know we're not like super best friends anymore, but… I'm here. Okay?"

I nodded. "Thank you."

The walk back to my apartment sucked.

In the time it took for me to walk little less than a kilometer from the gas station to my apartment, I managed to email all my professors to let them know I would not be in for classes Monday. Today was Saturday. Bloody fucking Saturday. I looked up at the sky. Sky blue, no clouds, crystal clear… my favorite kind of day. _She would leave me with this, I suppose…_

" _I love you…"_ I bit back tears. I'd give anything to hear her tell me that one more time. One more hug, one more phone call, one more letter…

I got so lost in my thoughts that I would have walked past my parking lot if it weren't for my small friend group that awaited me there.

"Sango!" Miroku approached me first. His demeanor was cheery as always but there was a solemnness in his eyes. He held open his arms for a hug, which I readily accepted. "Hey… I'm here…" I soon felt additional arms around me. Inuyasha and Kagome had joined in. I hated crying in front of them; I let the dam break with no cares at all.

* * *

"I guess I have to plan a funeral… never done that before…"

Miroku tossed me a beer. I caught the can and opened it, disinterested. I sat slumped forward on the couch, alternating between staring at my worn-out shoes and glancing miserably at the brew in my left hand.

"Isn't the oldest son supposed to do it?"

I scoffed. "He's on duty. He won't be joining us." That was enough to make me drink finally. Beer was something of an acquired taste.

"That motherfucker," Miroku leaned against the wall separating the kitchen from the small living room and sipped on his own beverage.

"Hey, now," I warned him. Kohaku may not be on the best terms with Mom but he was still my brother and I know he was still hurting, whether he would admit it or not. "I know you love to roast my brother at any chance you can get, but still…"

"He _just_ left like six months ago, didn't he?" asked Miroku.

"Yep," I took another drink and grimaced. _Ew._ Miroku came and sat next to me. "It's good for him." The military was the last thing I ever thought I'd see my younger brother do, but it was for the best. He managed to get himself into some trouble over the past few years. He switched degree programs at least four times and accumulated more student loan debt than even _I_ would have after graduate school. And then there was that crazy girl he was dating…

Miroku sat next to me. "And you're here."

"I'm here."

It was a little awkward. Miroku was trying really hard. Inuyasha and Kagome had left about an hour ago. We hung out in the parking lot, as we did often, and talked. Mostly memories. Good ones I had with Mother. She never met Inuyasha and Kagome but she got to meet Miroku once. Granted, she probably didn't remember him due to the meds. But he remembered her. And to me, that's what counted the most right now.

"You ready for the move?" asked Miroku. He looked around my apartment, which was all but bare. Most of my belongings had been packed up already, aside from the furniture and massive TV I'd gifted myself upon moving out of Father's house finally just over a year ago.

"I _was…_ "

"So much for the party pad," lamented Miroku.

I couldn't help but laugh. "A lot of good memories in here, huh?"

"We put in a good year, yes."

I finally leaned back on the couch. Miroku mirrored my actions. I let myself lean against him. We had an… interesting… history. Woulda-coulda-shoulda-has-beens. But we were better off as friends. We found out the hard way that we had all the bad things in common and just enough inner demons between the two of us to possibly destroy the planet if we were to ever be anything more than friends.

I wanted a punk rock fairytale and he wanted a notch in his bedpost.

And it was just straight-up entertaining to watch him fail miserably with all these different girls. He roasted my brother regularly for his first girlfriend, Cecelia, 'The American Psycho'; but his own taste was just as calamitous. I could not say I was a fan of his most recent booty-call-turned-girlfriend, Mei. I liked Koharu, why didn't he just stay with her? Mei was obnoxious.

I recently told Mother the tale of going out for Inuyasha's birthday, which involved copious amounts of alcohol, a gay club, our friend Shippo calling his father to come pick him up because Inuyasha, Miroku, and I were too drunk, culminating in Miroku and Mei throwing down in my parking lot, and ended in Mei headbutting the giant old steel dumpster in the corner. Yikes. In retrospect, I'm pretty sure Inuyasha enjoyed the whole spectacle. I did more harm than good trying to drunkenly defend Miroku's honor to Mei and in doing so, I disclosed that I used to have a thing for him. Mei didn't like that. Kagome finally defused the situation. And that was one of my more tame phone calls to my mother.

"I'll try to help you with the move." Miroku broke me out of my thoughts. "You have enough going on as it is."

"Thank you."

* * *

I couldn't finish reading the obituary that I wrote. Father couldn't either. Kohaku wouldn't. He said he didn't have a right to. And a selfish part of me agreed inside.

However, this would be a celebration of Mom's life! And we would treat it as such!

Miroku couldn't make it since he worked, but he helped me a lot with the planning. He, and my cousin, Katana, whom I met the day Mother passed away. Katana looked so much like her, moreso than I did… It was almost unnerving to me. I made a photo wall and set up a memorial table under the park shelter. I brought my music equipment and made Mother a playlist that I knew she would love. She loved music.

"Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac drifted through the air.

"Rika _loved_ this song!" I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder and turned to see my drunk maternal uncle leaning against me, tear- and grief-stricken. He was fucked up, reeking of alcohol and likely had just consumed more than just that. I couldn't be mad at him, though… Mom loved him. His middle sister was gone now. _I can't imagine losing Kohaku…_

It was a beautiful day. Blue, cloudless skies. _Just like the day you died…_

"Uncle Jade," greeted Kohaku. He appeared on the other side of our intoxicated kin.

"Kohaku!" Uncle turned around and gave my brother a hug and his full attention.

Kohaku led him away, leaving me alone with Mother's ashes on the table, surrounded by flowers, photos, and other offerings and memorabilia. I scanned the tabletop, taking careful note of everything there. I picked up a picture frame, holding within, my favorite photo of myself and Mother, taken two years ago during her birthday celebration. Tears welled in my eyes but I found myself smiling.

_Thank you for your smile…_

I had her smile. I looked just like Father but I had her smile. Kohaku, too, although it was less prominent in him.

"Hey there." I turned to see Kagome. "You okay?" she offered me a small smile and put her arm around me.

I could only nod and wipe my tears. After a few minutes that felt like months of regaining my false composure, I cleared my throat and answered my friend. "Yes." I took a deep breath. "It's a beautiful day."

"Mmhmm," Kagome looked from me to the display of photos before us. "A beautiful day for a beautiful person."

"Indeed." I smiled. "She wouldn't want me to be sad. She wouldn't want to be remembered as she is but as she was." I looked behind Kagome and saw Inuyasha speaking with Father in the background. I'm glad he approved of my current friend group. "Where's my brother?"

"Last I saw, he was trying to get your uncle to go sit down," started Kagome, "and then he headed up toward the gazebo."

"Mom loved gazebos."

We made the small trek up the hill to the gazebo. Kohaku sat at the very top, hugging his knees to his chest. The wind blew through his dark brown hair and the sun drew out the reddish highlights. I was happy he could make it. He had a rough relationship with our mother his whole life but I knew he cared. He was hurting in a different way, but hurting nonetheless. I was so happy when I saw him get out of the taxi, dressed in his SDF uniform. He looked so grown up, I almost didn't recognize him.

"How's the view?" I asked as we approached the gazebo.

"Huh?" Kohaku shook his head and looked down at us, blinking like we had interrupted an inner monologue. We probably did.

"You okay, man?" I heard Inuyasha walking up behind us. He soon walked past me and looked up at my brother, still perched atop the small structure like a somber gargoyle.

Kohaku jumped down with more grace than I would have ever expected him to. Maybe the military _was_ a good choice for him, if just for his newfound agility and coordination. "Inuyasha," he greeted. He looked to Kagome. "Kagome."

We stood there for a while, talking somewhat awkwardly among ourselves. There wasn't much to say. We missed Kohaku, he missed us… we missed Mother…

* * *

Kohaku stayed with me that night. I felt bad that I still hadn't gotten everything unpacked. Kohaku laughed and said he was fine with the 'red bachelor couch' and a light blanket.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," he finally spoke up. We hadn't talked much since the memorial service.

"It's okay."

"No…" Kohaku leaned back on the couch and sat cross-legged. He was almost too tall now to do that and leave me any room. "She's still our mother. She's still _my_ mother."

I was trying hard not to cry again. That was the new thing with me these days. Trying not to cry and accept everyone's pity and sympathy and empathy while staying strong and stone, like Father.

"Kohaku, do you forgive her?" I asked quietly.

"I never blamed her," he answered. Kohaku looked to me, his chocolate brown eyes welling with emotion and tears. "She got sick after she had me."

"That's not your fault, though—"

"I know." I was more pleasantly surprised by his answer than slightly annoyed that he cut me off.

"Good," was all I could say. "Don't blame yourself for that. She never wanted you to."

"I know," sighed Kohaku, "I just wish she would have lived long enough to see me forgive myself."

"When did you?"

"The day after she died." My brother looked down, his bangs falling over his eyes. I pulled him into a side embrace and leaned my head on his shoulder. I didn't even realize he was crying until his shoulders shook and he hiccupped. Kohaku held his face in his hands. "I was always so _angry_ at her for getting sick! For not being able to take care of us—to take care of _me!_ It's not that Father did a bad job, it's just— _dammit!_ "

"Kohaku…" I pulled him close and rubbed his back, beginning to cry a little myself as well. "I was mad about that, too, for a minute, when we were younger…"

"And I was mad that you're sick, too, sis!" Kohaku cried. "I used to blame her! But it's not her fault… it's no one's, really…"

I laughed darkly. "The devil in our bloodstream..."

Kohaku sniffled and rubbed his eyes. "Speaking of… are you going to be okay?"

"I'll have to be, Kohaku."

"I mean, I know you've got school and everything… that's a lot, Sango."

"I'll be fine. I even still got that paper submitted for publication on time. Don't worry about me." I brushed his hair out of his face and looked into his eyes. "I'm more worried about you. Be careful."

"I will," he bowed his head a little to me and closed his eyes, the smallest smile pulling at his lips. Kohaku pulled me into a tight hug. "I love you, sis."

"I love you, too, little brother." I hugged him back just as tightly. I didn't want him to go back. I knew he had to leave first thing in the morning. He probably shouldn't even have stayed with me tonight. I didn't want him to lose this opportunity as well and be designated AWOL before his first year of service was even up. He would never forgive himself and neither would either of our parents, Father being ex-military himself.

This was going to be hard. Around this time of the late evening, early night, I would usually call Mom while I was cooking myself dinner, usually drinking as well. Tonight, though, I had the rare comfort of my little brother to keep me company. Tonight, I would try to think of the good times and enjoy the little things. I would think of the future and try not to dwell on the past. I wanted to make my mother proud.

' _You're the blood in my veins_

_And quite literally the smile on my face;_

_You're every crisp morning and blue sky_

_And you'll always be my sunshine.'_


	2. Hooligans

_Crash!_

“ _Woooooooooooo!”_

_Crash!_

The wind blew violently through my hair as we sped around the corner. I floored it as we approached the straight-away part of the road, able to see everything and nothing all at the same time, surrounded by fields and country. Today felt too familiar. Another cloudless blue sky. Except it was getting hotter all the time.

_You’ve been gone a month…_

“Miroku!” I tapped him on the arm. “My turn?”

“You’re driving!”

“Yeah and as the driver, I’ll drop your drunk ass off in one of these rice paddies.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” I tapped the brakes enough for him to jerk forward a little. “Fine, take it! But only a sip, ‘kay?”

“Whatever,” I took the bottle of sake from him and took what I considered a small sip. My tolerance was high enough; I’d be fine and he knew it, too.

“How do you like the new job?” asked Miroku, taking the bottle back. He placed it closed and safe back on the floor and instead pulled another beer bottle out of his ‘adventure bag’.

“It’s okay,” I answered. “It’s a warehouse. It pays me well and I don’t have to deal with people.”

“But you’re in school to be a therapist. That deals with people, you know that, right?”

“Yes, but they’re not customers; not really, anyway.”

“Fair enough.”

I stole his beer and took a sip before shoving the bottle back into his hands. “It’s a job. I’m bored. I have all A’s for the _first time_ in my entire life. I need something else.” I hated waking up early for it, though. Tuesday through Saturday 07:30 to 11:30, sometimes 10:30 or 12:30. But, it gave me my afternoons and evenings off for school and shenanigans. I was content.

Miroku downed the rest of the beer and then launched the empty bottle out the window. It hit a metal billboard and exploded with a rather lovely sounding ‘crash’. _How I fell for this one once upon a time, I would never know…_ But he knows how to have fun. And he had a brain in there, somewhere. A beautiful brain. He would do great things someday, I just knew it. His drinking worried me a little, but aside from that, Miroku was a wonderful person.

* * *

“Miroku, Sango, let’s go! We’ve been here for hours.”

I was so tired of hearing Mei bitch. All she ever did was nag and gripe and bitch at Miroku. I was lucky to have the early afternoon alone with him cruising around the countryside and causing mild mayhem. Mei was just _up his ass_ constantly anymore. And he allowed it. He even welcomed it. I held my tongue as I made no physical motion of having heard her and just continued to shoot every zombie on the screen in front of me.

“Nice shot, Sango! Fuck these zombies!” Miroku cried out. He picked up a power-up in game and whooped loudly. The boy wasn’t even drunk anymore.

“Fuck ‘em!” I agreed and held out my fist to him. He bumped it and we continued our killing spree.

Mei sighed loudly behind us. “Sango, he’s being an asshole. Can we please leave soon?”

“Maybe one more round?” I asked. I tried to stay out of their squabbles and drama but at the same time, I missed my bro. Mei frowned at me. “Come on, Mei; I paid for half a day.”

“And it was what, only twenty bucks for both of you?” asked Mei.

“And ten for you,” I said. I tried to keep my expression neutral. When Mei offered no other words, I turned back to our game.

* * *

Needless to say, we lost track of time.

“It’s been _over an hour,_ guys!” said Mei, clearly frustrated.

“And we’re still on our last round,” said Miroku, not turning away from the TV. “Not entirely our fault that we’re that good.”

Mei shoved him out of his chair. I stood up protectively and clenched my fists. “Mei, _what the fuck?!_ ”

“You guys are fucking assholes!” Mei stormed out of the arcade.

I put my hand to my forehead. _Fuckkkk…_

Miroku just blinked stupidly and climbed back into his chair. He picked up the controller like nothing had happened. “She’ll be fine.”

“Miroku,” I said, “that is your _girlfriend._ ” As much as I hated the idea of going after her and I barely tolerated her company, it was the right thing to do. We were kind of being rude, I suppose.

Miroku sighed. “God dammit, I guess you’re right.” He got up and turned the game system and television off. “Let’s go find her.”

Mei was nowhere in the immediate vicinity of the dead shopping mall. We both spent several minutes calling out to her, our voices echoing throughout the deserted complex. Nothing. We even tried calling her from both our phones. Sent to voicemail every time.

“Me, too?!” I was annoyed. “Ugh, Miroku, I’m sorry, but fuck her!”

“I know…” Miroku agreed, rubbing his temples in frustration.

“Do you find all your bitches in the same store or something?” I accused him.

“Sango…” Miroku turned to me. “Fuck off.”

“Duly noted, sir.” I sat on a bench and looked up at the ceiling. The place was truly remarkable, even though it was quickly falling into a state of disrepair. “So, what do we do? We can’t leave without her.”

“The fuck we can’t!” exclaimed Miroku.

I glared at him, trying so hard to stay the voice of reason. “Miroku…”

“Fine!” he sat beside me and crossed his arms like a child throwing a temper tantrum. “I knew we shouldn’t have brought her along.”

“It was _your_ idea, Romeo.”

“Shit, you’re right.”

We sat in silence and stared at the ceiling for what felt like eternity. I closed my eyes intermittently and remembered vividly when this place was bustling with activity and teeming with life during my childhood. I came here with my parents and Kohaku often when we were younger. There used to be a ferris wheel, carousel, mini-golf course, and the best play area of my entire childhood. I smiled at the memory, wishing so hard that Miroku could have seen this place and wishing even more that we had grown up together instead of meeting in college.

“Well… if she’s going to ignore us and hide out around this rotting corpse of capitalism, we should at least make something out of it,” I offered.

“Agreed.”

Miroku and I spent the remainder of the evening walking around the near-abandoned mall and trying to sneak into some of the closed storefronts. We made it into an old anchor store and managed to hotbox a janitorial closet within. We emerged from the abandoned department store feeling much calmer and less heavy-hearted. I didn’t expect to see and appreciate all the details of the garish décor and faded pastels; Miroku later informed me that he laced our smoke with dabs. I wasn’t even mad.

Still no sign of Mei. We even checked the massive parking lot and three-story garage, traversing it by skateboard, of course. To our delight, one of the boards sealing up the abandoned failed nightclub had fallen off, inviting us inside. I took photos of the tasteful graffiti behind the counter and Miroku took a piss in the corner.

Mei called me while we were in the middle of adding our own mediocre graffiti to the otherwise ugly art museum in the women’s bathroom. Her mom had picked her up. I was initially a little angry that we had stayed at the dead mall all evening on the pretense that she was around here somewhere; however, I ended up having a great time with Miroku, so it was not a complete loss. We had a laugh at Mei’s pettiness and ended our arcade and dead mall excursion skating the surrounding parking lots. We even found a fire extinguisher to play with; Miroku found out it was still charged. Luckily, I had one of his spare shirts in the trunk of my car.

* * *

I used to have discussions as a child with my friends about how we would promise to bail each other out of jail if such a thing ever happened…

I hadn’t seen Miroku or heard from him in over a week. Per social media, he was still alive, though. I was not too concerned at this point. I was more worried about my schoolwork. I had immersed myself in my studies over the past month, as summer semester had picked up in full swing and I was not particularly fond of two of my three courses this time around. Inuyasha and Kagome were even putting in extra effort this time, in their own ways.

Kagome was the overthinking, overachieving, outstanding student of our little group. Inuyasha was the laid-back one who somehow managed to smoke himself into oblivion every day, multiple times per day, and still ace every test and complete every assignment with little to no difficulty. I hovered somewhere in between the two of them. Inuyasha grounded us, I provided the comic relief, and Kagome took the best notes and paid the most attention in class. It was a very efficient system. Miroku had just graduated with his bachelor’s degree, also in Psychology, like the rest of us.

I was so thankful it was Saturday again. My Friday. From work, at least. School never stopped. I barely slept the night before, dreaming of Mother every time I closed my eyes. I had officially finished my second week at the warehouse. I fucking hated it, I think. They always put me in Outbound loading trailers. I felt too short for that shit and I felt weak, despite having spent the better part of the past two years on a regular gym schedule. I could outrun Miroku and Kagome in a mile and damn near keep up with Inuyasha. But I could not build walls out of boxes. _At least, it’s only temporary…_

I leaned back on my couch and closed my eyes. I was so thankful this new apartment had central air conditioning and not a shitty window unit like my last place did. I opened an eye and checked my phone. No notifications. I hadn’t literally spoken to anyone since class Thursday, aside from random Shift Leads at work who were assigning things to me. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or bummed out that no one had tried contacting me since then.

Just as I began to drift off into an accidental nap, my phone rang. _Mei?_ I answered it.

“ _Sango?”_

“Yo.” I was not happy to be talking to her. _What the fuck does she want?_

“ _I know you’re probably not too happy to be talking to me right now,”_ Mei continued.

“That’s not—whatever—what’s going on?” I asked, not even attempting to hide the irritation in my voice.

“ _Miroku’s in jail.”_

_“What?”_

_“We went to a party at Jakotsu’s a few nights ago and he got really wasted. He blacked out, Sango. Miroku blacked out and we got into a fight.”_

“Is he okay?!” I worried myself awake.

“ _His mother came to get us and when we got back to her place, he chased her husband with a ball bat!”_

I couldn’t help but feel the smallest bit of pride at that. That man was a menace. I was all too acquainted with stories of Miroku’s teen years. His foster mother was a literal angel but she may as well have married a demon when Miroku was thirteen. The first time we talked about our parents, Miroku confided in me that his foster father had thrown him down the stairs more than once and had broken a kitchen island once body-slamming him into it. When he was only fifteen. His birth parents died when he was really young; his mother died in child birth and his father fell victim to cancer when Miroku was only five years old.

_“Sango, are you still there?!”_

“Yes.” _Unfortunately…_

_“We gotta get him out!”_

“How?” I leaned back once more and sighed. _Miroku, what have you gotten yourself into this time?_

_“His bank card is probably still at his mom’s house. He left everything there. He called me once; he said to use his savings for bail.”_

_This bitch better not be lying about that…_

I didn’t trust her. But I had to do something. Miroku was my best friend. He had really been there for me over the past few years, through good and bad, and we had a strong yet odd connection. Yes, he made mistakes. Often. Yes, he was an asshole. But he had a heart of gold. He was one of the most honest and selfless people I had ever met.

Miroku had just graduated from college with a Bachelor of Science degree. He was the first from both his birth family and adopted family to do that. Miroku wanted to be a social worker for children, so they may have a better life than he did; so they could maybe be protected somehow. Miroku wrote to government officials and donated to causes, even though he was a pizza delivery boy. Miroku volunteered at orphanages and children’s hospitals just because he wanted to help and spend time with the kids. The dude was holy in my book.

I’d give half my inheritance to bail him out, if that’s what it took. He had a better chance than me to do good, anyway.

* * *

Mei paced around the parking lot and I laid on the roof of my car, staring at the sky, which was slowly turning orange and pink with the setting sun. I flicked the ashes of my clove cigar and inhaled deeply, closing my eyes and stifling a cough.

Mei wasn’t so bad after all. I think. Possibly.

After I got off the phone with her this afternoon, we began our mission to save Miroku. Our side-quest began at his mother’s house, where we were able to find his bank card, as Mei said we would. His mom was a mess. She hugged me and cried into my shoulder. Apparently he _had_ gotten his foster father a few times with the ball bat. And destroyed the living room. They had a restraining order against him and his foster father was pressing charges. I was a little mad at her for agreeing to it, although, a small part of me could not necessarily blame her.

We withdrew Miroku’s savings. I was impressed. With as much money this sleazy, sketchy _pizza delivery boy_ spent on cigarettes, booze, weed, Red Bull, and strip clubs (pre-Mei), he actually had about 100,000 yen in his savings. He never ceased to amaze me. However, that still left us with 200,000 yen left for bail.

I paid it.

It was a no-brainer. I couldn’t leave him to rot in jail like that. Miroku was destined for greater good, despite his flaws.

The sun was finally going down when we saw him. Miroku walked out of the police station and slowly traversed the parking lot to my car. “Miroku!” I slid off the vehicle’s roof and landed gracefully to my feet. Mei rushed up and hugged Miroku tightly and pressed her lips to his cheek. The young man said nothing. His clothes were dirty and disheveled and he looked exhausted and very guilty.

Once Mei released him, Miroku rushed over to me. “Sango!” He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my head. He began to cry audibly.

“Miroku…” I hugged him back and slowly pulled him to the ground, where we sat with our backs against my car.

“I’m sorry…” sobbed Miroku. “I’m a fucking idiot…”

“Miroku, mistakes happen…” Mei glared at me very briefly. She smiled at me and then sat on the other side of Miroku, likely thinking she was sly enough. I didn’t care. I had no romantic interest in my hot mess of a friend. I only wanted to be his comfort.

“Sango, what have I done?” Miroku finally looked up and loudly rested his head against the car door. “I’m such a fuck-up!”

“You’re not a fuck-up—”

“Sango!” Miroku turned to me and put his hands on my shoulders. I noticed he had a black eye and a smaller bruise on the opposite side of his handsome face. “I just graduated college! That means _nothing_ now! I’m a fucking felon!”

“You’re not a felon!” I protested, putting my hands on his forearms.

“ _I assaulted my foster father with a fucking baseball bat!”_

 _“And he fucking asked for it!”_ I was angry. Yes, Miroku made a _very_ poor alcohol-infused decision, but moping and crying about it wouldn’t fix anything. He would get out of this. He _had_ to.

“Sango, I have nowhere to go. Mom said they’re kicking me out _and_ pressing charges…” Miroku once again held his face in his hands. “I fucked up my future! I had the world in my hands and I flushed it down the toilet!”

“Miroku, you can stay with me for a while,” I offered immediately. Mei opened her mouth to protest but I think she quickly remembered that her mother _hated_ Miroku with a passion. The woman wasn’t the most fond of me, either, but I could care less.

“Sango, you mean that?” asked Miroku. “You _do_ realize I probably lost my job, too, right? I have no money to give you for rent… and what about my dog? I know Hoshi can’t come…”

That legitimately made me sad. I had to leave my cat, Kirara, with my father when I moved out of his house. I was never home and she was getting old and was comfortable at Father’s. It was only fair to her. “We’ll find somewhere for Hoshi,” I reassured my friend.

“Sango, you already bailed me out of jail… with _your_ money! I can never repay you… how much was it?”

“Don’t worry about it, Miroku,” I said. “Honestly? I could give a fuck about the money. You’re worth more than that. You’re my best friend and you’re capable of so many wonderful things. I couldn’t just let you stay in jail, not when I could actually do something about it… You don’t belong in there…”

Miroku threw his arms around me again. “Sango, you’re too kind. Really…”

The three of us stood up finally and embraced each other in an awkward yet very loving three-way depression hug in the middle of the police station parking lot.

“I swear I’ll repay you one day, Sango.”

* * *

Miroku was doing better. He stayed with me on and off until he could secure a spot with Koga and some of our other friends in their rented house. Koga’s girlfriend’s mother owned it and lived there; the other four—now five—just paid rent and kept the house and yard clean. We were even able to make an adventure out of moving Miroku’s handful of belongings down the street to the Okami household.

The mattress was the best part. Koga’s girlfriend, Ayame, drove the car to her place while Koga, Miroku, Ginta, and I held the mattress to the roof with our bare hands while we each halfway hung out the windows. Hakkaku rode the mattress the whole way there. It was nice not to have Mei around for this. She was fighting with Miroku again, mad that he wouldn’t just officially move in with me since I lived closer to her. That was part of the reason he opted to stay with Ayame and Koga. We even found a place for Miroku’s dog to go—Inuyasha’s older brother, Sesshomaru, begrudgingly agreed to foster the shiba until Miroku could get his own place.

Miroku, Koga, and the others had apparently been good friends since elementary school. I loved their dynamic. It was a healthier parallel to the one I left behind in lieu of my pursuit of higher education. Miroku and Koga were the only two to go to college. Ayame never finished, deciding instead to pursue a trade. Koga was about to start his last year. I spent a lot of time at the Okami household. Miroku’s core friend group always made me feel at home.

I missed them all already.

Growing up, I had a reputation for being both a ‘good’ kid and the ‘weird kid’. I was essentially a closeted hoodlum. I got good grades so the teachers never suspected a thing from me. As I grew older and realized that high school probably never mattered anyway, I finally began to pursue the finer freedoms of fast cars, late nights, and adventure. All within reason, of course. I even waited to really drink alcohol until I was of legal age to do so.

One of the reasons I fell for Miroku initially almost two years ago was because he was just like me in that sense. He was a good boy who got good grades. He was easily the best and most involved in each class I had with him when secretly, he was still drunk from the night before every Monday. He was just as likely to come over for a study session as he was to come over for a smoke session. Miroku was always up for an intellectual debate with anyone about anything and he was always down for a midnight cruise or random party. Miroku was easily the most fun person I had ever had the pleasure of calling my friend.

Not that I didn’t love Inuyasha and Kagome, too. They were still very fun to be around and two of the most supportive people in my life. However, they arguably (Kagome more often than Inuyasha) made the… better… choices out of our friend group sometimes. They balanced the outrageousness of mine and Miroku’s shenanigans. Miroku brought out the devil in me and broke my halo. I was the angel on his shoulder who tied his wings in.

I blame marriage for taming Inuyasha. Kagome was by far the opposite of boring but since their wedding, Inuyasha was certainly less ridiculous now. Sometimes I longed for someone to come along and knock me down a peg. I was well aware of my status as an adrenaline junkie; I had known that since high school. I craved adventure and I was meant for far more than the life of the mundane. And here I laughed to myself at the thought I once had that maybe Miroku would be the one to claim and tame me. Absolutely not.

I had only gotten worse since befriending him. Hell, I left the country with him last year. Granted, it was for school, but still.

I knew I wanted to get married someday, and that time was coming. I was twenty-three. I was in no rush to find someone, but I was lonely. I had always been the odd one out, it seemed. I dated a few guys here and there, a few girls… nothing serious ever happened of any of it. None of them kept my interest long enough. Or I couldn’t keep theirs. The only person that ever made me swoon hard enough to fly too close to the sun was Miroku. And those feelings had long since dissolved into instead an unbreakable bond of friendship. And I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

I laid in bed, contemplating the universe. Thoughts of romance, adventure, music, homework, and boxes filled my mind. Images of my mother’s face would weave in and out of those aforementioned topics, ruining the random encounters in my stream of consciousness. I thought once more of Inuyasha and Kagome. They were perfect for each other. He brought out the fire and courage in her and she kept him grounded and focused. I wanted that, very badly. I was lonely. Now more than ever.

It’s cold here, alone.


	3. Gay Is Not a Synonym for Shitty

Such a glorious day today—it wasn’t too hot outside despite being the middle of the summer, I was surrounded by good friends, it was the Pride festival, I was high as balls... I currently sat near the riverbank tucked away under an overpass with Miroku, Koga, Ginta, and Hakkaku, passing around a few blunts. They had convinced me to come to the Tokyo Pride festival this year, despite my self-induced isolation and impending existential dread. I was thankful.

Ayame and Jakotsu were behind the whole thing, with support from Ginta and Hakkaku, whom had been an item since they graduated high school together. I had never been to Pride before, always having had to work every single year since I’ve been old enough to make a decision on it and since being dragged kicking and screaming out of the closet by Kagome and Jakotsu sometime in college. I had no regrets, however. Boys were handsome and girls were beautiful. And I had no tact with either.

“Sango, we gotta get you a girlfriend or boyfriend!” Hakkaku proudly proclaimed as he passed the roach to his other half. Ginta took it and inhaled deeply, nodding stupidly in agreement the whole time.

I could feel my face turning red. I was lonely. But I didn’t need any help from these dudes. It was fine. I had bigger fish to fry at the moment. “Stop, guys…”

“Aww, look, you’ve embarrassed the lady!” stated Koga.

“We’re only trying to help!” defended Hakkaku.

I held my face in my hands and shook my head. “No…” I tapped Ginta on the shoulder. “Anything left of that?” I motioned toward the ass-end of our communal smoke.

“Uh…”

Miroku laughed. “Well, if our mission today is to find Sango someone, then we better roll another one just for her because she’s far too shy to make it on her own!”

I swear I went an even brighter shade of red. “Fuck off, Miroku!” I slapped him and then snatched the roach out of Ginta’s hand. I made sure to lock eyes with every one of these stupid ass boys before devouring the roach and then washing it down with Red Bull. I had to assert my dominance with them regularly, otherwise they’d never leave me alone.

“ _Ooooooooh!”_ They all droned in unison.

“She ate the roach!” Ginta clapped a hand over his mouth.

Koga and Miroku were cracking up. “That’s my girl!” Miroku gave me a congratulatory clap on the back. “Hey, if the buzz settles in soon enough, maybe you’ll talk to someone!”

“Would you guys just fuck off with that? You’re worse than Kagome and Ayame!” They really were. Miroku was the most awful about trying to set me up with someone. Part of me thinks that was because he knew he broke my heart last year. Kind of… Moving on…

“So, what are we getting into next, boys?” asked Koga. “The day is young…”

“Have you heard from Ayame yet?” I asked. She ran off with Jakotsu shortly after our group had arrived at the festival. Jakotsu was already drunk then and Ayame had been pre-gaming on the ride here.

“Not since we got here,” answered Koga. He stood up and surveyed the area, possibly looking for his girlfriend.

“Hmmm, it’s been a few hours; you may want to at least try to call or text her,” offered Miroku as he rummaged around in his adventure bag.

“Yeah, you’re right,” sighed Koga. “Be right back.” He hopped off the ledge we were all sitting on and sprinted away to call Ayame.

I heard the familiar crack of a can being opened. I was honestly shocked that Miroku hadn’t started drinking earlier. I looked at him and raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

“What?” he asked. “I didn’t drive us here!”

“Yeah, I did.” I grabbed the beverage out of his hands and chugged as much as I could. _Ewwwww…_ “I always drive.”

“Well, we’ll be here all day…” Miroku produced another beer from the bag and opened it. I sighed. He was right.

I really didn’t mind though. It was probably good for me.

_Better than moping around my apartment all day, anyway…_

* * *

“What’s it going to be, then, eh?”

I leaned against the counter in attempt to read the exhausting on-tap beer list on the wall. I preferred sake over most alcohols but had recently begun to expand my horizons on bequest of Miroku and Inuyasha. Miroku goes where ever there is alcohol. Inuyasha loved beer. Kagome liked wine. Koga liked American whiskey and bourbon. Ginta and Hakkaku were hard seltzer bitches. And Jakotsu and Ayame liked rum and vodka. We were pretty diverse, I suppose.

“I’ll get ya whatever you want, m’lady!” Miroku put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side. I hated it when he did this shit. Even though I had long since lost romantic interest in him, it was still a little awkward for me sometimes. Especially since he had a girlfriend.

“I’m not your lady, Miroku,” I couldn’t bring myself to shove him away, though.

“Come on! I’m working at the ShipHole now, too, making that big moolah! Courtesy of you! I owe you like a thousand drinks, Sango!” He really wasn’t wrong.

I sighed. I wasn’t drunk enough anyway. “Alright, let me get one of those hard seltzers the damn yaoi twins won’t shut up about.”

Miroku slammed his fist on the counter in laugher, along with his bank card. “’Yaoi twins’, I’m fuckin’ done with you!”

The hard seltzer was admittedly good; however, it was doing nothing for me. The bar was packed with people from all walks of life, despite being known as a ‘gay’ club. I never particularly enjoyed crowds but I could deal with it. I was overall enjoying my time out with my friends. However, I would admit that I was getting annoyed with all the couples I was seeing. Hakkaku and Ginta in particular, were now wasted and all but fucking on the dance floor. I was content with my place as a wallflower.

We ended up here in the first place because Jakotsu had been performing in an impromptu drag show nearby and had been lured inside this specific bar by fans promising free drinks. Needless to say, they delivered not only to him, but to Ayame and Koga as well. Naturally, the rest of us followed up eventually.

Currently, Miroku had gone off to find the bathroom and left me to my own devices. He had been gone a while now, leaving me to wonder if he had left in hopes that I would muster up the courage to go find someone to talk or dance with. Or he could be taking a shit. Who knows?

I finished off my drink and sauntered over to the counter to get another one. I chose my customary traditional sake this time to balance the sweetness of the last beverage. After closing my tab, I made my way back over to the safety of my wall. I leaned against it and scanned the area for Miroku (or anyone else from our crew, really).

No Miroku in sight, but just past Ginta grinding drunkenly on Hakkaku, a girl caught my eye. She was absolutely _beautiful!_ She had long, wavy black hair and was dressed in the height of alternative fashion, adorned in plaid punk pants and a D.I.Y vest. From what I could see, she may have a tattoo on her arm. She was talking with a tall bald guy with a hipster beard and a shorter girl with white hair. The shorter one didn’t even look old enough to be in here.

I tried not to be too obvious watching her. I glanced around again, feeling anxiety begin to grip at me. _Where the hell is Miroku?_ I watched the girl more closely, trying to judge who the people she was talking to could be. Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Betrothed? I couldn’t tell if she was wearing a ring… their interactions seemed harmless enough, though.

_Who am I kidding?_

I’d never talk to her anyway. I looked down at myself and the outfit I was wearing. An old torn up band tee, dirty basketball shorts, and old gym shoes. The same thing I wore to work this morning. _I am trash._ I gazed forlornly at my eye candy and then downed my drink in sadness.

On my way back to the bar, I finally found Miroku. He was attempting to flirt with a few girls.

“…so, with that being said, would you do me the honor of bearing my first-born child?” Miroku held this random girl’s hand in his and leaned down and kissed it.

I audibly growled and clenched my fists at my sides, earning a concerned glance over the shoulder from this person next to me. I stomped over to Miroku. “Miroku Kazaana!”

He turned and his face noticeably paled. “Uh oh…”

I grabbed him by the back of his shirt and dragged him over to the bar. “I need another drink!”

His prey giggled behind us as we left. “I’m flattered, but I have a girlfriend anyway!”

“And so do you!” I snarled at my friend. Sure, Mei was by far not my favorite person on the planet, but she was still Miroku’s girlfriend. Shitbag or not.

“I don’t even know anymore, Sango,” said Miroku. “Mei’s pretty pissed at me this time.”

“For what?”

“I don’t even know anymore…” he repeated. “She’s always over at our place but she insists I spend too much time with my friends and not enough with her. When I’m not home, I’m with her! What the hell?”

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. “Fuck it, let’s just drink.”

“Word!”

Two Superman shots, two Jim Beam Maple shots each, and approximately twenty minutes later, I was feeling much better. Miroku was, too, it seemed. I loved seeing him laugh.

“…and then I said, ‘Koga! You’re a buck-buck-beeeeeeitch!’” Miroku clucked like a chicken and burst into laughter. He slammed his hand on the countertop. I leaned forward and put my hand on his knee, laughing quite hard myself.

Once I contained myself, I ordered another drink. Cider this time, to sip on. Past Miroku, I thought I saw that girl again from earlier. “ _Miroku!”_ I put my hands on his shoulders and stared intensely into his blue eyes.

“ _Sango!”_ He gasped, putting his hands on my shoulders.

“Miroku! There was this girl earlier!” I glanced past him once more, hoping to see her. Nope.

 _“Oooooh!”_ Miroku swayed back in his seat and grabbed his own half-empty glass, an idiotic smile on his face. “ _Tell me more!_ ”

“She was fucking _beautiful_ , Miroku!”

“Oh yeah?!”

“Yes!” I sipped on my drink before continuing. “She had long, jet-black hair and she looked punk as fuck! I think she had a tattoo!”

Miroku raised his eyebrows suggestively. “Sounds like your type!” He cleared his throat. “ _Our_ type, that is…”

I punched him playfully in the shoulder. “No way, bro, get your own! Oh, wait… you have one already!”

“Yeah…” Miroku sighed. He was surprisingly quiet for a few moments. “Well, did ya talk to her?!”

I lowered my head in defeat. “No…”

Miroku dramatically hit his forehead on the countertop. “ _Sango!”_

“ _What?!”_

He sat straight up and rubbed his forehead with his thumb and middle finger, eyes closed in thought. “You’re terrible.”

“Miroku! You know I don’t know how to talk to people!”

“And you need to learn!” Miroku jumped off his bar stool and grabbed me by my wrists, pulling me to my feet. “Come on! We’re gonna go hunting!”

“Miroku, no!” I freed one hand and held onto the countertop.

“Yes!”

“ _No!_ ” I freed my other hand and was now clinging even more desperately to the bar itself. The bartenders laughed and one of them eyed me with pity.

I felt Miroku’s arms around my waist. “Come on, my dear! We’re going on an adventure!”

* * *

We ran around the club for what felt like hours looking for my potential manic pixie dream girl. No luck. Miroku puked in a trash can, though. By then, I had deemed it time for me personally to begin drinking water like it’s going out of style in a fickle attempt to sober up.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t find her, Sango,” lamented Miroku. We stood in the middle of the thinning dance floor, both looking around one final time. “However, you will always have me, darlin’…”

I felt his hand caressing my ass.

_SLAP!_

Miroku was now on the ground, rubbing his own ass, having fallen on it. A sheepish grin adorned his features.

“You _had_ your chance, Kazaana!” I growled, clenching my fist and turning to glare at him. “That ship has sailed!”

“Is that douche bag bothering you, miss?” asked a random guy. What appeared to be his boyfriend stood beside him, glaring at Miroku.

“Nope,” I stated promptly, “that is just my best friend, the lecher and drunken dumb fuck.” I walked over to Miroku and held out my hand. “Truce?”

“Yes please,” my friend flashed me a cheesy smile as I helped him to his feet.

We both closed out our tabs and exited to the sights of city lights, cars, and many groups of drunken people.

“Jakotsu! You are _too drunk!_ ”

Miroku and I looked around, trying to find the source of that worried sentence. Miroku grabbed my shoulder and leaned toward me. “ _Jakotsu?_ ” I gave him a quizzical look and glanced around once more, trying to locate our possible friend amongst the crowds. _This may not be good…_

“I see them!” Miroku craned his neck and then turned back to me. “Come on!” He grabbed my hand and we began weaving in and out of the crowds. Many bodily collisions, apologies, and obscenities later, we were met with the sight of Ayame, Koga, Hakkaku, and Ginta surrounding a _very_ intoxicated Jakotsu. He was leaning against Ayame’s car and the rest looked ready to pounce him.

“Hey guys,” I greeted. “What’s going on?”

“Jakotsu’s too fucking drunk! Again!” yelled Ayame.

Koga sighed and rubbed his forehead. “He got kicked out of the club for trying to strip…”

“Goddammit, Jakotsu…” cursed Miroku.

Jakotsu looked around at us and laughed. “You all are a bunch of party poopers!” He fell against the car.

“Kotsu…” Hakkaku approached him. “We gotta go, man… You’re too turnt—”

“No! Fuck ya’ll!” Jakotsu shoved the smaller boy away.

“Not cool, dude!” Ginta lunged at Jakotsu, who grabbed his shoulders and tried to push him as well.

The two stood still, feet firmly planted on the ground. “I don’t want to go back!” cried Jakotsu.

“Go back where?” I asked.

Jakotsu managed to shove Ginta away finally. “The fucking SDF; I’m not going! Fuck that! I wanna stay here!”

“Hey, don’t you shove him!” It was Koga’s turn to lunge at Jakotsu. Koga wrapped his arms around him, pinning his arms to his sides. _Damn, he’s strong…_

I saw Koga’s struggle and then joined in on physically defusing the situation. It was sobering me up, sadly. I wrapped my arms around Jakotsu, accidentally pushing him against the car.

Miroku approached us, carefully. “Kotsu, you _wanted_ to join the SDF… we had a long talk about it, remember, bud? It’s going to be good for you!”

“Fuck you, Miroku! I’m going AWOL!”

Miroku pulled me and Koga away and slammed Jakotsu into the car. “No, you’re not!” Jakotsu swung at Miroku, who dodged the attack and threw him to the ground. “I won’t let you throw your life away!”

Koga and I went to restrain Jakotsu but we were too slow. The tall, flamboyant man made it to his feet before we could get close enough and was soon running off into the night. Unfortunately, as he got up, his far-too-tight pants ripped in half. He was not wearing underwear.

Miroku, Koga, and I chased Jakotsu down the sidewalk almost six blocks away. I was falling behind the boys and getting tired already. By now, I had been awake for almost twenty-one hours…

My body collided with another and I stepped back, repeating apology after apology. “I’m so sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry…” I shook my head and looked past the person I’d run into, trying not to lose sight of my friends.

“You’re fine…”

_It was the girl from the bar._

“Uh…” I wanted to vomit. I was _definitely_ sober now. “My—my friend, is---uh…”

She blinked at me. She had gorgeous red eyes and flawless fair skin.

Thank the gods for the darkness of night. I could feel the heat taking over my face. “I-I…I gotta go rescue s-someone! Sorry!” I ran past her without a second glance, heart racing and not only because of my unplanned 02:00 run. Of course, I almost tripped as I took off once more. I think I was faster now.

* * *

_“Fucking_ Jakotsu!” I cursed as I leaned against the back, passenger side door of Ayame’s car.

“ _Word!_ ” Miroku agreed from the other side. He was leaning on the back, driver’s side door of the car.

I could hear Jakotsu cursing at us all from within the vehicle. Hakkaku was inside trying to restrain him with seatbelts, jackets, and whatever else they had in there. Ayame sat in the driver’s seat, turned to watch the shit show come to an end in her backseat. Koga was in the passenger seat, turned around and yelling at Jakotsu for causing a scene. Ginta stood outside, arms crossed, a concerned look on his face.

“…and _that_ is why we don’t go running naked around Tokyo at 02:30 in the goddamn morning!” finished Koga. He growled and stepped out of the car, slamming the passenger door shut. “Ayame! Lock the bitch!” The girl gave a thumbs up from the driver’s seat and started the engine. “Ginta, get in there and crawl in the backseat!”

“Why me?!” griped Ginta.

“Because it’ll take both of you fuckers to keep him down! He’s strong!” Koga commanded. “I’m riding shotgun with my girl!”

“Whatever you say, Koga!” sighed Ginta. He opened the door and climbed over the console into the back seat. Jakotsu slurred many obscenities at him. Koga slammed the door shut once again. The back doors of the car locked.

“Stop slamming my doors, Koga!” Ayame warned.

“Yeah, yeah…” Koga sighed. He looked to Miroku and I and ran his hand through his long, dark hair. “Jeez… Can’t we go _one night out_ without some kind of fucking calamity happening?”

“Apparently not…” I observed.

Miroku finally joined our side of the car. “At least it’s not me causing a scene this time?”

“True,” I stepped away from the car.

“I’ll see you guys soon?” asked Koga.

Miroku and I nodded in unison. “Yeah, I’m coming home. Sango’s gonna drop me off,” stated Miroku.

“You wanna come chill with us tonight?” asked Koga. “I understand if not…” He glared through the back windows of his girlfriend’s car.

I laughed and shook my head. “I’m good on that, man. But thank you.”

We said our goodbyes and soon enough, Ayame and the Okami crew drove off into the night. Miroku and I began the long walk back to the garage where I left my car. I decided not to tell him about literally running into the bar girl during the Jakotsu chase. _It doesn’t matter anyway…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *roach: The ass-end of a blunt/cigar/joint typically filled with weed.


	4. Summertime

Today was shit.

That is all.

I stood on the Inbound line at work, mindlessly grabbing the smallest boxes and tossing them into a gaylord beside me. This was hellacious. Still better than customer service, overall, but also not thoroughly enjoyable. I couldn’t wait until I had my degree and my real job. My career.

I didn’t sleep well at all last night. I just kept dreaming of hospices and cold mornings with blue skies and no clouds. I took some sleep-inducing allergy meds both for their intended purpose and in hopes they would knock me out, but they only produced anxiety. I think I had three hours of sleep, if I was lucky.

“And over here, is Inbound! This is where the product comes in, obviously, and where it all begins!”

I looked over at the sound of my loud, new work acquaintance, Mizuki. She was currently in her teacher role, giving a small group of new hires the building tour. There were only five people in her new hire class. Mine had four, counting myself. Mizuki was also my teacher. She was the only person here I would talk to aside from supervisors. Everyone was friendly enough; I just did not see the need for friends here. This was temporary for me.

As Mizuki and her group passed through the department, one of her students caught my eye. A girl with jet black hair and red eyes. She had a remarkable tattoo on her right arm; of what, I could not tell in detail, however. She was also dressed similarly to me—band t-shirt and skinny jeans.

She was fucking gorgeous.

_I’ve seen her somewhere before…_

“ _Taijiya!”_

I looked back to my line. Several small boxes had made it past me and were on their way up the belt. I hastily grabbed as many as I could in my arms and tossed them unceremoniously into the gaylord. I looked back to the new hire group once more, hoping to get a glimpse of that girl again.

She was looking right at me.

“ _Taijiya!”_

My line was overflowing with small boxes once more.

* * *

“Stupid fucking box…”

The struggle was real today. I had been assigned a new task by the Shift Lead in training, Damien. I liked Damien enough but he was a real know-it-all. He said the whole reason they took me off the pallet lines was because I was as fast as he was and they needed someone to replace him—essentially being the Inbound bitch—when he got promoted.

Additionally, I kept seeing that girl everywhere—the pretty one I first saw in Mizuki’s training class a few days ago. Ever since then, I noticed her all over the warehouse. By now, I was fairly certain that she was the girl I saw in the club during Pride… and ran into whilst chasing Jakotsu. She was fast, like me. I took note of the different band shirts she wore. We had a few musical tastes in common, it appeared. Yesterday, I swear, I caught her looking at me first as I ran through Outbound delivering heavy/bulky packages that would not fit on the main conveyor. She was watching me from inside her trailer then. I had yet to see her today.

Building gaylords was far more hellacious than pulling small boxes off the line to toss into them. The damn things were at least as big as I was tall. Although I would have killed to play in one as a child. I took a small break for water after building my tenth in a row.

“Taijiya!”

“What, Damien?” I turned around.

That pretty girl I saw the other day was with him. I almost choked on my water.

“This is Kagura,” said Damien.

“Nice to meet you,” she said, bowing slightly, a shy smile on her face.

“Likewise,” I bowed back, trying to remain cool. I looked like shit today anyway. Of course.

Damien turned back to me. This man had way too much energy, all the time. “Kagura, this is Taijiya. She’ll be showing you how to throw smalls.”

“I am?” I asked.

Damien nodded. “Yep! You’re the fastest smalls thrower we’ve seen aside from me!”

_Oh boy. Well…_

Damien picked the _worst day_ for me to train anyone. Let alone her. I spent almost all night studying and didn’t have time to make coffee or stop for an energy drink on my way in to work this morning. I was running at an all time low of one solid hour of sleep. _At least I can take a nap between work and class…_

As I finished my water, Damien spun on his heel and headed back to the Lead desk. _He left me here. With her._ I turned to the girl who had begun to haunt both my thoughts and my warehouse. She smiled at me. She was just a few centimeters taller than me, too, I noticed.

“What did he say your name was, again?” she asked.

“Sango,” I answered, “but everyone here calls me by my last name, Taijiya.”

“That’s a cool last name,” noted Kagura.

“Heh,” I nervously rubbed the back of my neck, “So I’ve been told.”

I motioned for her to follow me back to the Inbound lines, where I had already set up a gaylord or two for each. My brain was completely fried at the moment. Moreso from being forced to speak with _her_ and interact with _her_ than the fact that I was running on almost no sleep and no caffeine. My heart was racing and my palms were sweaty.

I got us set up to pull smalls from the same line. I intentionally chose the trailer with the highest concentration of small boxes. No one cared. They already let me basically do whatever the hell I wanted. Apparently, it was not Damien that got me to Inbound. Mizuki dropped my Master’s degree candidate status to one of the production managers who then decided my supposed talents were wasted building pallets. They probably intended to groom me to become a Shift Lead. I laughed at the thought.

Kagura smiled across from me as we threw the boxes. I couldn’t help but smile back a few times but still try to ignore her and do my damn job. _Say something…_

“How long have you worked here?” _Dumb fuck…_

“It’s the end of my first week,” said Kagura as she chucked a box. “But I’ve worked here before.”

“Oh? Frequent flyer?” I asked.

“Yeah,” laughed Kagura. “What about you? Are you a Shift Assistant?”

“What? No,” I tossed a few boxes myself, “I think I’ve been here almost a month now? Maybe over… I started at the end of May…”

“Rad,” commented Kagura. _Rad. I like it. I thought I was the only weirdo left who said that…_

Our small talk continued until break. We left the line and headed to the breakroom. I finally got my precious energy drink and tried not to chug it like a complete savage in front of Kagura. On break, we talked music. We shared a lot of the same favorite bands. Turns out she was punk trash like me.

By the end of our shift, I learned that she went to the same school as me, but for undergrad. Or, she was going to go there, at least. She just got her associate’s degree from a community college; and now she was transferring to complete her Bachelor’s in writing. Our discussion continued until we left the building. I almost asked for her phone number.

* * *

_“Why DIDN’T you?!”_

Miroku flicked his ashes at me.

“Because I’m a _chicken shit,_ Miroku! I’m not as suave as you are!” I slapped his hand away, knocking his cigarette loose. He looked at the fallen cancer stick and then produced another and lit it up without a care.

Miroku inhaled and blew out a trail of smoke rings. _Super smooth…_ “You _are_ indeed a chicken shit, my dear Sango.” He rested his hand on the table and I motioned to slam my fist down on it.

“You’re not supposed to agree with me! You’re supposed to help!”

“I _am_ helping…” The boy took my hands in his. “You have charm, Sango. You have tact. You have the looks…” He freed up one of his hands to discard his cigarette. He gently kissed the top of my hand and then gazed at me, eyes half-lidded. “You’re gorgeous, Sango. She’d be stupid to turn you away.”

I pulled my hands away from him. “Fucker…” I looked to Inuyasha and Kagome. “Help?”

Kagome laughed. “So, what’s she like?”

“She’s, well—”

“ _Hot_ per her Facebook,” said Miroku. He had apparently already stalked her on social media. He leaned his chair back on the back two legs.

Inuyasha kicked it out from under him, sending the poor depraved soul toppling to the ground and causing a moderate short-lived scene on the bar patio.

“You _have_ a girlfriend, you lecherous fuck,” defended Inuyasha.

“He does, but she’s not very nice,” stated Kagome.

“No comment…” I added, sipping my drink. I had barely drank any of it. My food was untouched.

Miroku scrambled to his feet and tried to reset his chair like nothing happened. He eyed my plate. “You gonna eat that?”

I shoved the plate in his direction. “All yours, pal.”

“Thank you,” Miroku bowed his head slightly and smiled. I rolled my eyes.

“Okay,” Kagome began again, “apparently she’s attractive. What is she _like_?”

A reel of our short interactions played over in my mind. My heart was light and my head was in the clouds. “Well, she loves the same kind of music as me…”

“That’s important!” exclaimed Kagome. “Music is your life!”

“Word,” piped up Miroku. He reached for my barely-touched cider and I slapped his hand away.

“She’s got a degree and she’s coming here this fall to start her Bachelor’s in writing…”

* * *

I dreamed about Kagura that night. I was chasing her through a desert.

_What the fuck…_

_“I’m so alone…” I slumped to the ground, next to a cactus. A near-empty bottle of tequila sat beside it. I eyed the bottle and grabbed it. I was parched. This would have to do._

_I grimaced as the foul liquid slid down my throat._

_“You’re not alone, Sango.”_

_“What…?”_

_Kagura appeared before me. She extended her hand to me. I was skeptical to take it. She helped me to my feet and then eyed me up and down. The girl took off after giving me a suggestive smirk._

_I stood there like an idiot, mouth agape like a trout. My stupor wore off too slowly and I gave chase._

_“Kagura, wait!”_

The alarm went off on my phone and I chucked the device across my room.

* * *

We walked out of the stuffy, old warehouse and into the summer sun. Another baby blue sky awaited me.

_You’ve been gone almost two months now…_

I walked Kagura to her car. This was becoming the norm. I always stood there awkwardly before we said our goodbyes and I walked to my own vehicle.

“I’ll see ya next week?”

Kagura worked Monday through Friday. Somehow.

“Sure,” smiled Kagura, “have a good weekend, Sango!”

“Actually, um…” I could hear Miroku’s threats in the back of my mind:

 _“Don’t come back here until you get digits!”_ I visited him the next day.

 _“I’ll never buy you another drink until you give her your number!”_ I bought my own drink. Fuck him.

 _“I’ll send you a picture of my dick every hour on the hour until you get her number!”_ I’ve seen his dick enough already. He wasn’t modest with that thing. I was no longer phased.

_“You’re not getting your guitar back until you come back with digits!”_

This one evolved into a promise. Inuyasha and Kagome were in on it, too. Those bastards _stole_ my bass guitar and the amplifier that went with it two days ago. It was riding around in Inuyasha’s trunk currently. They made sure to get to campus long before me and to park in a different lot every day so I wouldn’t be bothered to go looking for their car and my hostage instrument. At this point, I was not above breaking into their car to steal my shit back.

I was potentially trying out for another band this Saturday. Tomorrow. _Shit._

“Yes, Sango?” Kagura blinked at me and tilted her head to the side. _She’s cute…_

“What?”

“You sounded like you were going to say something else…”

“Oh!” _Ask. Her. Now._ “Uh…” I tried to keep my hands still at my sides. The urge to fidget and partake in outwardly noticeable anxiety behaviors was too strong.

Kagura raised an eyebrow at me.

“Would you.. actually… wanna hang out sometime?” I asked. I wanted to stick my face in the overflowing trashcan a few paces behind us.

Kagura smiled. “Sure, that would be rad, actually. You’re fun to talk to.”

I think I died a little.

“Really?”

“Yes, silly,” she opened the driver’s side door to her car and rummaged around for something. She stood up shortly after and handed me a piece of paper with her phone number written on it.

I nervously patted around my safety vest for a pen and paper. I had a pen the whole time. Kagura handed me a ripped slip of paper and I scribbled my name and phone number on it. She took it back from me, her fingertips brushing against mine, her beautiful red eyes seeing straight into my soul.

“I’ll see you later, Sango.” Kagura smiled at me once more and got into her car.

I began the walk up the hill to my own vehicle. Once I got there, I stared at the little piece of paper in my hand. Her phone number, name, and a small smiley face were there.

I want my shit.

* * *

Band tryout was shelved. That was fine, though. I spent the weekend texting Kagura in between my usual routine of homework, cleaning, homework, and the occasional friend shenanigan. She texted me first, actually. I was shocked. Kagura worked Monday but texted me when she got off. I was off that day and on my own excursion with Miroku, having just picked him up from work. He now worked at the ShipHole, too, but fulltime and in a different building. He hated it.

“Did ya ask her out yet?” Miroku asked as soon as he got in the car. That was his new catchphrase and every time he said it, I wanted to slap the hell out of him.

“I just found out she actually likes girls, okay?”

“Only because you added her on Facebook!”

I glared at him. “Buckle up, shithead.” I floored it out of the parking lot.

“You’re always so testy,” noted Miroku. I took a sharp turn around the corner as we sped through a yellow light. “I think you need a drink. Or a buzz.” I rolled my eyes. “So _then_ you may grow some balls and ask her out!”

“NO!”

“Why not?!”

Red light. _Son of a…_ I felt ill at the thought of it. I was so scared of rejection. I _really_ liked Kagura… and if anything, she was becoming a good friend; I wouldn’t want to ruin that…

“Why not?” Miroku repeated.

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. “Miroku, I _really_ like her… What if she says no?”

“Then she says no!” Miroku laughed and leaned his seat all the way back. “And on to the next one!”

“Easy for you to say,” I muttered. Green light.

We couldn’t have made it to Okami house any sooner. I needed this man out of my car before I choked him out. I made the mistake of checking my phone when I put the car in park.

“Is that Kagura?” asked Miroku. “Tell her your super awesome and devilishly handsome BFF, Miroku, says hi and that you two should smash!”

My face went purely red. “MIROKU KAZAANA!”

Kagura had indeed texted me. Asking if I was safe. She knew I was going to pick up Miroku from work. She did _not_ know, however, how much of a pretentious, narcissistic dickhead he could be.

“Aww, she cares if you’re safe!” Miroku was now next to me on the driver’s side of the car, spying on my text messages. “That’s sweet! Sango, I think she likes you!”

I opened the door, knocking him back with it a bit. “No, she doesn’t! She’s probably just being nice! I’m not that lucky, Miroku…”

“Bullshit! She likes you!”

“How do you know for sure?”

“Only one way to find out for sure! _Ask her!_ ”

“No!”

Miroku reached for my phone. “Fine, then I’ll ask!”

“Hell no!” I jerked away from him.

Miroku came in through my car window and managed to wrench my phone out of my hands. He sprinted away, laughing evilly. _Fuck!_ I hastily turned off my car and ran after him, uncaring that I left the keys in the ignition. I chased Miroku around Okami house for about ten minutes before his undoing was instigated by him nearly tripping over one of the cats. I took his falter as my opportunity to tackle him.

We tumbled to the ground, Miroku giggling like a child who had something they shouldn’t. I put my full weight on him as I tried to steal my phone back while he flailed his arms about and twisted and turned the whole time. He managed to shove me off of him and turned around, hunched over as he creeped through my texts from Kagura.

 _“’Glad you’re safe! Can’t wait to meet your friends sometime, they sound really fun! Have a good evening in class! Smiley face!’”_ Miroku read aloud. I tried in vain to reach around him, my cheeks aflame with embarrassment the whole time.

“Miroku! Stop! Give it back!” I pleaded.

“Only if I can ask her if she likes you!”

“No!”

“I’ll make it sound like you!”

I really didn’t think he would do it. But then again, Miroku was a wild card sometimes. “ _Miroku…_ ” I gave up. He turned to face me. We made eye contact and the shit-eating grin on his face immediately melted into an apologetic look.

“I won’t say anything to her, Sango,” Miroku scooted closer to me and handed my phone back. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Thank you,” I looked down at my lap and then gazed at the sky above. A few clouds floated amidst the otherwise clear blue sky.

“You _should_ ask her, though,” said Miroku. Before I could open my mouth to protest, he started again: “I know you’re scared of rejection. You’re more fragile than you let on.”

“No, I’m not!” I playfully punched him, a frown on my face.

“Okay, you’re a socially inept ball of anxiety…”

“And you’re a bag of dicks.”

“Oof.”

Miroku laid on his back on the grass with his hands behind his head, staring at the sky. I soon joined him, watching the clouds float above us. We stayed like that for a while. It was oddly comforting to me.

“So now what?” I finally piped up.

“Well… as for your predicament…” Miroku repositioned himself on his side, propping his head up on his hand. He sighed and gave me a serious look. “Clearly, you’re too scared to be blunt with this girl. Would you ask her if we could get a second opinion?”

I thought about it for a minute. “Maybe…”

“Hmm…” Miroku scratched his chin in thought. “Oh, I know! We need to ask another girl! Like, to get in Kagura’s head! Maybe see it from her point of view!”

“ _I’m_ a girl, Miroku!”

“Yes, but you don’t count,” laughed Miroku. I glared at him. “What I mean is, you’re not like most girls…” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Let’s call Kagome!”

And call Kagome, we did.

 _“Sango! What’s up?”_ I had her on speaker phone, lest Miroku bitch for the duration of the phone call.

“Hi, Kagome!” Miroku cheerily chimed in.

 _“Miroku? Hey!”_ Kagome was too happy to be talking to him. _“What’s going on? Are you guys okay?”_

“Yeah,” Miroku bogarted the conversation really quickly, “we just need some advice, Kagome. Well, _Sango_ needs some advice, actually.”

_“Oh? And why can’t she ask me herself?”_

Miroku opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off. “Kagome, it’s Kagura…”

_“Is everything okay? Do I need to come kick her ass already?”_

“No,” I laughed, “I just… I don’t know… I _think_ she might like me. Maybe? Miroku has more faith than I do…”

 _“Sango, she’d be stupid not to like you!”_ I rolled my eyes. _“So, what’s going on? What’s she doing?”_

“Well…”

* * *

Turns out, Kagome was not much help. We got the feeling she was just telling us what we wanted to hear. She didn’t fucking know!

“How _can_ she know?! She’s dated like, what, one other guy aside from Inuyasha? And they’ve been together since the dark ages! She married her high school sweetheart!” Miroku sighed and leaned back into the grass.

“Yeah, I think she dated some dude named Hojo in ninth grade and that was it besides Inuyasha…” I sighed and laid back as well, using Miroku’s side as a pillow. He innocently rested his hand on my stomach. I was mentally preparing to slap the shit out of him but my opportunity never presented itself, much to my astonishment.

“Hmm… we need another girl…” pondered Miroku.

I closed my eyes and thought about our options. “What about Ayame?”

“Yes!” Exclaimed Miroku. “She dated plenty of people before Koga! She’s actually given me _tons_ of girl advice, too!”

I scoffed at him, “it’s either bad advice or you never take it…”

Miroku sighed dramatically. “Sango, why have you no faith in me?”

I shook my head, unable to hide the smile on my face. I don’t know what I would do without him, honestly. “I don’t have Ayame’s number, though,” I realized…

“That’s okay! We can go visit her at work!” Miroku stood up and offered me his hand. I took it and he helped me to my feet.

“We shouldn’t interrupt her job, Miroku…”

“Nah, it’s fine! She works at the liquor store, remember?” He was too excited as he led us back to my car. “I’ll drive! It’s a win-win!”

“Hmmm… and _how often_ do you guys text?” asked Ayame. She leaned against the wall, smoking a cigarette, a pensive expression on her face.

“Basically, every day, all day, aside from when I’m in class or one of us is at work. Or both…” I nervously wrung my hands together.

“Can I see?” asked Ayame. I nodded and handed her my phone. She scrolled through our text messages. “Oh… yeah…” The auburn-haired girl put out her cigarette and continued to examine mine and Kagura’s everlasting conversation. “Shit, she’s texting you now, actually.”

“What did she say?” asked Miroku.

Ayame turned to me. “She asked if you made it to school yet and what class you’re taking tonight. Also something about how she can’t wait to start school there in the fall so you two can hang out in between classes.” I couldn’t hide my smile or stifle the swarm of butterflies in my stomach. Ayame handed me my phone back with a smile. “I think she likes you, dude. For real.”

Miroku raised an eyebrow at me. “Now… _ask her!_ ”

“Well…” I looked to Ayame for help, feeling my anxiety gripping my insides and twisting them around.

“I actually think you should ask her, too,” admitted Ayame. “There’s plenty of evidence in your favor. Plus, if you never shoot, you’ll never know.” She winked at me with a smile.

I looked at my phone and swallowed hard. My mouth was dry. _Now or never…_

“Hey, guys,” said Ayame as she checked the time on her phone, “I gotta get back from break. Let me know what happens!” She flashed me a smile as she turned to head back into the store.

“Do it!” Miroku egged me on, an excited and expectant smile on his face.

I took a deep breath. “Okay…” I turned to Miroku. “Can we go sit in the car?” He sighed dramatically once more and nodded.

When we got to my car, Miroku opened the driver’s side door and got in. “Did you send it yet?”

“No…” I leaned my back against the passenger door and stared at the sky, helplessly. I heard the driver’s side door shut.

And then heard the locks engage. I turned and tried to open the door.

“Miroku…” I checked my pockets. _Shit. He has the keys…_ I gazed in at him and then checked the time on my phone. I had to be in class within the next two hours. I knocked on the window. “Let me in!”

He shook his head. “Not until you ask her!” I tried the door again. Nope.

“Miroku!”

I tried all four doors and even tried prying the trunk open, to no avail. I sighed and leaned against the car once more, slumping down to the ground. _Fuck my life…_ Miroku turned the car on to listen to music. The ironic and appropriate sounds of Fall Out Boy could be heard from within the vehicle.

Nearly half the album later, I finally decided to summon up my scarce fragments of pretend courage.

_‘No, not at school yet. Decided to hang with Miroku a little longer. Random, but can I ask you something?’_

Send. _Ooooohhhhh shit…_

“Did you ask?!” Miroku turned down the music temporarily to yell.

“I’m getting there!” I yelled back. “I did text her, though! Asked if I could ask a question…”

“Ugh! You’re killing me, Sango!” Miroku got out of the car and sat on the nearby sidewalk; he lit a cigarette. I nudged him in the ass with my foot and began pacing around.

This was taking forever!

“Miroku! Can I _please_ have a cigarette?!” I crouched down next to him and put my hands on his shoulders. I didn’t even smoke cigarettes.

Miroku looked at me and cocked an eyebrow in confusion. “I feel like I shouldn’t, but given the circumstances, yes?” He handed me a cigarette and a lighter. I took them and lit my smoke. Miroku chuckled. “You’re even awkward at smoking.”

“ _Shut up, Miroku!”_ I stuck one hand in my pocket and tensed my shoulders. I started anxiously tapping my foot on the ground and awkwardly held my cigarette with my other hand.

Literal ages later, my phone buzzed with a notification.

“ _Goddammit, it’s only Kagome!”_ I cursed.

 _“That bitch!”_ woefully echoed Miroku. The dark-haired boy put out his own cigarette and flicked the filter into a nearby trashcan.

Thankfully and horribly, my phone buzzed with another notification. I looked to Miroku in panic. “It’s Kagura!”

“Open it!”

I did. _‘Of course. Ask me anything. c:’_ I swallowed hard. ‘ _Well, I have been wondering… I really enjoy talking to you and texting you and working with you. And you seem to enjoy it as well. Forgive me if I am too forward, but, do you like me?’_

I hit send and had the immediate urge to either hop in the trashcan next to us or dive into oncoming traffic.

Five minutes passed.

Six.

Eleven.

“Miroku, she’s ghosting me! I think I fucked up—I shouldn’t have said anything!” Idiotic panic welled inside me.

“She might be driving or something; chill out!”

I finished my cigarette and angrily flicked the remains into the trash. I sat down next to Miroku. He put his arm around me.

My phone buzzed.

My hand visibly shaking, I opened the message. I legitimately felt like throwing up.

‘ _Well, Sango… I do like you. Very much, actually. I feel like we will never run out of things to talk about, you’re cool, you’re funny, and you’re smart as hell. And honestly, I think you’re really pretty. You’re cute in an awkward, endearing way. However, I am currently in and coming out of a… difficult… situation. It’s too much to write up and I’d prefer to explain in person. Is that ok?’_

My heart attack was put on hold. Not exactly a one-hundred percent yes, but not a no, either! I could breathe again!

Miroku rested his chin on my shoulder as he creeped on the message. “Ah, that’s interesting…” He noted aloud. “However…” He pulled away and put his hands on my shoulders, a genuine smile on his face. “She fucking likes you, dude!”

I smiled. “Yeah,” I read the message again. And again. A small victory. “I guess so…”

I hugged Miroku, holding him tightly. He returned the gesture with an equally tight embrace. I could feel his bony yet somewhat muscular frame crushing against me. The boy leaned back, pulling me with him. We laughed together, knowing damn well we looked like idiots and deserved the concerned and slightly disgusted look from a middle-aged lady as she was forced to walk around us as we laid on the sidewalk in a pile of limbs and college-aged tomfoolery.

I climbed off my friend and sat there with the dumbest, most triumphant grin on my face.

“Well that’s a win, Sango!” Miroku smiled. “We gotta celebrate!”

I nodded in agreement. I stood up and helped Miroku get to his feet. I grabbed his hand and led him into the liquor store with renewed vigor.

“Hey, Ayame! We got good news!”

* * *

I put the car in park in the Okami driveway for the second time that afternoon. I had to be at school in twenty minutes.

“You ready?!” Miroku asked excitedly. He twisted the lid off his tiny bottle of Jack Daniels.

“Yes, sir!” I opened my own miniature Crown Royal Apple. “Cheers!” We made a small toast.

“Here’s to Sango being one step closer to getting the girl!”

“I wouldn’t go that far, though!”

We downed our drinks and tossed the emptied miniature bottles into the growing trash collection in my backseat.

“I’m so proud of you, Sango!” Miroku got out of the car and shut the door. He leaned in from the passenger window. “I’m happy for you.” The boy flashed me a smile.

“Me too,” I smiled. “Feels good, man.”

Miroku stood up and clapped the roof of the car. “Be safe and have a good night in class! And don’t forget to let Kagura know you made it; don’t wanna make the lady worry!” Miroku winked at me as he ran past the front of the car and headed for the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gaylord: A big ass box that one can fill with smaller boxes and envelopes.


	5. Early Sunsets

“Hey, Sango, would you want to hang out after work today?”

_That sentence was music to my ears._

I almost choked on my Monster. “Hmm?!”

Kagura giggled and handed me a napkin. “Do you want to hang out after work?”

I swallowed and tried to keep up my cool façade. Fail. “I would like that very much, Kagura.” _What the fuck did I just say? Stupid, stupid stupid…!_

The older girl smiled at me. “Awesome. What do you want to do?”

“Well…” I looked around the break room to see if they had posted our end of shift information yet. Four-hour shift today; we would be off at 11:30. Good. “I have class at 18:30, but I am free until then. Maybe we could grab lunch or something?”

“What sounds good?” I eyed the clock and hastily finished my Monster. We had two minutes left before the Shift Leads would come around chasing everyone back to the production floor. Luckily for me, Kagura and I were throwing in the same Inbound trailer today.

“Not sure…” Kagura finished her coffee. “How about we discuss that later?”

“Fair enough.” With one minute to spare, we started an early walk back to our trailer.

* * *

I was whipped. So was Kagura. Damien bought us each a soda of our choice for staying over fifteen minutes to finish off a late-arriving Inbound trailer. Two-thousand packages. And we threw that in a little less than an hour. My arms were so sore and I felt disgusting… but this was _still_ better than working Outbound.

Kagura and I stood outside my car, looking up at the beautiful blue sky. _Blue skies aren’t so bad anymore…_ I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. I caught her looking at me and she quickly averted her gaze back to the heavens.

“What now?” she asked.

“Well, I’m kind of tired, to be honest…” _Shit. No, not what I meant!_ “I mean, I still want to hang out, of course!”

“Well… how far away do you live, again?”

“About half an hour… twenty-five minutes in good traffic.” _Twenty minutes if Miroku is driving…_

“We can chill at your place if you want? Sounds like there’s more to do out by you anyway.” Kagura flashed me a shy smile.

I almost puked. “You—you sure?”

“Yes, of course!”

Kagura followed me in her car to my apartment. I made the mistake of calling Miroku on the way.

“ _Dude!”_

“ _Waaazzzzzzzuuuuupppp?!”_

“Miroku, we’re hanging out! Like, she’s following me back to my place!” I checked the rearview mirror to make sure Kagura was still behind me. I didn’t want her to get lost.

 _“Oooooooooooohhhh!”_ Miroku was so obnoxious sometimes. _“You guys gonna screw?”_

“Miroku!”

He laughed. _“Seriously, though!_ ”

I could feel my face and neck on fire with embarrassment. “Miroku! This is the first time we’ve actually gotten to hang out outside of work!”

_“Make it count, then! Make that girl swoon! I could give you some tips—”_

_Click._

Not today, Satan. Not today.

* * *

“I like your apartment. It’s really nice,” commented Kagura, as she looked around my living room.

“Thank you.”

I gave her the grand tour, most proud of my in-unit washing machine and dryer. Kagura had to use the restroom when we arrived so I took that time to hastily clean up my bedroom. And by “clean up”, I meant, toss my lazy depression laundry into the closet and collect all my crushed beer cans and water bottles to throw away. It would have to do.

“You’re a musician?” asked Kagura as she plucked a string on my bass guitar that was propped against the wall.

“Heh, yeah…” I smiled. “My old band actually just reformed.”

“Oh?” Kagura turned to me. _She’s so pretty…_ “What kind of music do you guys play?”

“We do mostly covers. Metalcore, angry stuff. Can’t really keep a steady lineup. Most recent incarnation is my friend Inuyasha on vocals, Koga on guitar, Shippo on drums, and me on bass. My little brother, Kohaku, was our original drummer but he just joined the military.”

“That’s cool; I’d love to hear you all play sometime.” She sat on the couch, still admiring my humble abode. I was waiting for her to roast my various anime and gaming memorabilia. The insults never came.

“I know you’re in school for writing,” I started, sitting next to her on the couch, careful not to sit too close. Or too far… “Have you ever written music or anything?”

“Actually, I write a lot of poetry,” said Kagura. “As for music, my friend Suikotsu keeps trying to get me to join his folk punk ‘band’.” She laughed, “It’s basically him and my little brother, Hakudoshi, with a sitar, acoustic guitar, and lots of smoking and drinking.”

“Sounds dope,” I laughed, “what would you do?”

“They want keyboards and singing,” said Kagura, “but I’d settle for ukulele and backing vocals. Suikotsu is a good enough singer and he knows it.”

“You play the uke?”

“Want to; I need to order one first.”

We spent the afternoon talking music, movies, games, anime, and books. We had quite a bit in common. Her favorite book was _Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland._ Mine was _Fight Club._ I discovered that Kagura had a half-sleeve tattoo on her right arm of the Cheshire Cat, Queen of Hearts, and playing cards all within the very interesting and somewhat psychedelic foreground of a storm of cherry blossoms and feathers. The text “we’re all mad here” in the most eloquent purple kanji wrapped around her bicep, the words seeming to flow with a wind.

She had two more big tattoos, I learned: a rather detailed Anubis, the Egyptian god of death and the underworld, between two pyramids on her back, across her shoulder blades; and the word “Issues” in all caps in a tribal, English-style font across her chest just under her collarbone. I almost fell out of my seat when she actually showed me her hidden ink. In addition to the tattoos, her ears were stretched a little, but nothing outrageous; her plugs were black with feathers printed on them. She also had a small septum piercing. Kagura was essentially the punk girl that I never thought would even talk to me.

Kagura liked my tattoos, as well. She accidentally walked in on me when I was changing shirts. That was the second or third time today I almost died inside. I had a nearly-completed sleeve tattoo on my right arm composed entirely of trash-polka style lyrics, city lights, and architecture from my greatest adventures thus far in my life. A similarly styled nautical scene with more scribbled lyrics was present on my left side stretching from just below my hip up to my ribcage. My left bicep had a somewhat shitty skull wearing a crown and complete with crossbones, my first tattoo that I used to be so proud of. Lastly, a small hiraikotsu boomerang bone crossed with a kusarigama blade resided on the inner part of my right wrist; Kohaku had the same one, his only tattoo, but on his chest.

Kagura’s face was bright red as she went to close the bedroom door. I mustered my courage and told her not to worry about it. That’s when she came over to admire my somewhat-canvassed body and my idiot brain and hormones informed me that I could die happily, possibly. I then changed and ordered us a pizza. We watched only the finest and most outrageous of YouTube flash cartoon trash.

I almost fell asleep during this but was jolted very much awake when I felt Kagura lean her head on my shoulder.

Growing bold, I asked her if she would like to take a nap.

“Yes, but I’m ratchet!” The girl complained.

“So am I,” I laughed.

We napped together, in my bed, until I had to get up and go to class. Nothing happened but it was nice just to have someone next to me.

* * *

“Did you kiss her yet?” Miroku asked nonchalantly as he added another empty can to our growing ‘beeramid’ on the table.

“Miroku… no…” I saved my writing assignment and closed my laptop, rolling my eyes and then sending a glare in my friend’s direction.

“What?” he asked. “You guys literally slept together! It’s cute! And we already know she likes you!”

“Yes, but, it’s still new and possibly complicated.” I stowed my schoolwork safely in my bag and rewarded myself with the glass of cherry-infused sake that I had ordered earlier.

Miroku sighed. “You mean, you two haven’t discussed that yet? Jeez…”

“They’ll get to it, Miroku,” jumped in Kagome, “Sango’s been through a lot, let her enjoy this.”

“The slow burn…” Inuyasha winked at me and sipped on his own drink.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes at him. “You know I love the chase, Inuyasha.” I had no clue what the hell I was doing but I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it. I felt… renewed… after I began “talking” to Kagura. She was a breath of fresh air and a second wind for me; something I didn’t know I so desperately needed after my mother’s passing.

Truth be told, I thought about joining her a lot. My mother, that is.

But I would never tell anyone that.

In fact, the day I first met Kagura at work, I was having my doubts… the night before, I held a dagger to my own throat. Kohaku wasn’t answering the phone and I wouldn’t dare call Father. Miroku’s phone was still broken and M.I.A at the time. I didn’t want to bother Kagome and Inuyasha. I seriously thought about driving my car off a bridge on the way to work that morning.

Her smile told me not to.

_“Not today…”_

“Sango!” Miroku waved his hand in front of my face. “What are you thinking about? Did you hear us?”

“No, what?” I shook my head and blinked, coming out of my space.

“You guys got band practice this weekend, looks like,” Miroku noted.

“Yes,” said Inuyasha, “Ayame’s mom is going to let us play a show in their basement in two weeks! Apparently, her work is raising money for homeless kids. They needed to come up with an event on the fly and Ayame volunteered us.”

“That’s pretty soon…” I was a little nervous at the thought. I’d never played in front of anyone besides a few friends before. I knew the same went for Inuyasha and Koga. However, apparently Shippo has been in a few different bands now, so he was relatively unphased, despite being the youngest of our band and friend group, at only seventeen.

“You’ve got this!” Miroku had too much faith in me sometimes. Maybe Inuyasha too. “I’ll be there for moral support and bartending assuming I’m not working or something!”

“You can’t bartend! There’s gonna be high schoolers there!” chastised Kagome.

“Yeah, dumbass!” Inuyasha kicked him from under the table.

Miroku shot back in his seat, avoiding the attack. He eyed Inuyasha and Kagome suspiciously before turning to me. “Sango…” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Kagura likes heavy metal, right?”

“Yes…”

“You should invite her!”

I deadpanned. “Hell. No.”

“Why not?!”

“I’m not even that good,” I protectively held my drink close and swirled the remains and ice cubes around in the glass, watching it all like it was the most entertaining thing.

Inuyasha scooted his chair closer and put his arm around my shoulders. “That’s bullshit, Sango! You’re the best damn bassist I’ve ever heard! And you can _sing,_ too!”

I blushed. “Stop, guys…”

“No,” laughed Inuyasha, “you should invite Kagura. Plus, we would love to meet her.”

Kagome nodded in agreement.

_Oh boy…_

* * *

The sounds of The Misfits and the wind surrounded me as I sped down the highway, windows down and Kagura beside me in the passenger seat. I hoped I wasn’t driving too fast. This was the first time she rode in a car with me. I had become so used to reckless driving with Miroku and our other friends… and just reckless everything, really…

Kagura put a slight damper on that recklessness. Not that I endangered the lives of my friends; I just didn’t want her to think I was a complete moron. Not yet, anyway. It was too soon to allow her a glimpse of that side of me, to make that decision. I was golden in her book as far as I could tell—the brooding yet awkward genius who made her laugh and feel infinitely young.

I cleaned out my car just for her. Two trash bags full of empty energy drink cans, fast food bags, and a handful of pizza boxes and empty alcohol containers happily left my backseat this morning. I don’t remember the last time I saw the floorboards back there. I even found my guitar picks.

“So, Sango,” said Kagura.

“Yeah?” I turned down the radio.

“Do you remember how I said that I was in an… odd… situation?”

“Yes…” My stomach tightened a little. “What’s going on?”

“Well…” Kagura sighed. “I want to preface this with the fact that I _really_ like you. I really do, Sango. You’re amazing in every way.” I couldn’t help the weak smile that pulled at my lips. “However, I have to be honest with you. I technically have a boyfriend, Bankotsu…”

I honestly saw that coming, judging from her Facebook. Miroku said ‘that boy looks like an asshole!’ “I remember you talking about him a few times, just not in that context…”

“Yes, and I apologize,” the older girl continued. “We have been dating on and off since high school. My grandparents kicked me out when I turned eighteen and I moved in with him and his parents. We saved up, got a place, all that. I always chased after him in high school and when I finally got him, things were good for the most part.” She rolled her window up. “We were ‘that couple’ for a while, a few years, even… and then, he just got really distant about two years ago. I moved out and lived with my best friend, Renkotsu for a while.”

“And then he took me back, like nothing happened. He got promoted to the head mechanic at his dad’s shop and then all was well again for about another year. About a year ago, the first time I worked at the warehouse, Bankotsu just dumped me out of nowhere. For no reason. And I had to stay living with him. I met another guy—that one dude I told you about, Menomaru—who turned out to be a total shitbag. Bankotsu took me back. Again. And here we are, again. A year later…”

I gripped the steering wheel, staring straight ahead. I was a little angry at this discovery. However, I could not entirely be mad at Kagura. “So, are you _with_ Bankotsu…?”

“I don’t know,” answered Kagura. I almost heard a waver in her voice. “He’s been distant ever since I got my associate’s degree. He said I was wasting my time with school and still am. He wants me to just go work in his dad’s shop. And his family… they’re a little more… conventional. Even though, he’s not. I can’t stand them.”

“That sucks.” I needed a drink.

“Bankotsu’s been distant since I graduated a few months ago. He just comes home, drinks, and plays the occasional video game. He never wants to come do anything with me or anyone else. Aside from going out with these weird older friends of his from work, Mukotsu and Ginkotsu. They’re fucking creeps. Bankotsu came to Pride with me, Renkotsu, Suikotsu, and my little sister, Kanna, and I thought he was having an okay time, but he left early without saying anything. I thought something bad happened to him!”

“Not to be rude, but he sounds lovely…” I couldn’t help my sarcastic comment. I felt ill.

“I don’t remember the last time he even said he loves me and the only time I even _think_ he _might_ is when we’re having sex.” _Oof…_

“Hold on,” I was trying so hard to remain neutral, “he’s not, like, overtly mean to you, is he?”

Kagura was quiet for a moment. “Well…” _Fuck this guy…_ “He’s not a bad guy, Sango. But this one time, fairly recently, Ginkotsu had a party and they all got into a political discussion. Women’s rights and such. Ginkotsu and Mukotsu were just cracking shitty jokes and then this random guy came over and started saying some really nasty things about me. Bankotsu tried to whip his ass and Renkotsu and I had to pull him away. He was black out drunk and when he got home, he destroyed the fence outside our apartment. I tried to get him to calm down and he shoved me through what was left of the fence. He left bruises on my wrists but I know he didn’t mean to…”

“Forgive me for being blunt, Kagura,” I tried so hard to keep my voice level and approach this as I would a with therapy client or a friend in the same situation. “Why are you still with this guy?”

“I love him,” she sounded detached. “Like, I’ve known him for half my life. We’ve been friends since high school and started dating at the end of that… I’ve tried to walk away before but he always pulls me back in…”

“But he’s walked away from you how many times?” I asked.

“I know…” In my peripheral vision, I could see her wipe her eyes. I felt bad for her, and not just because I liked her. _What the hell…?_

“I’m sorry, Kagura,” I said softly, “for that and for, well… me…”

“No, don’t apologize,” I felt Kagura’s hand on mine, thankful we were at a red light. I looked down at our hands touching and then my gaze met hers. Such torment was present in her ruby irises. I wanted to take her pain away…

“No, I shouldn’t be—”

“Sango,” Kagura said softly, “I’m glad we met. And like I said, I _do_ like you… I just don’t want to hurt you and I can’t make any promises to you right now… If anything, I should be apologizing to you—”

“It’s okay.” It’s not. I wanted to live inside the liquor store that Ayame works at and make my home at the bottom of the bottle with the highest alcohol percentage.

“You’re a good friend, Sango, and an amazing person…” _Please say no more…_ “If…” Kagura took a deep breath. The light turned green, thankfully. We were almost back to the damn warehouse. “If I ever get out of this and get my shit together…” I could feel her thumb gently rubbing my knuckles. “I would be more than willing to be your girlfriend.”

“Then I’ll wait for you.” _Stupid, idiotic, moronic, shitbag, twenty-three-year-old, garbage brain._

“Sango, I can’t ask you to do that,” said Kagura, “I’m a hot ass mess.”

“So am I, Kagura.” We were pulling into the parking lot now. “And I have nothing better to do.”

_Than just sit around and watch you smile and hope your heart falls into my hands._

* * *

Kagura pushed me on the swing and I protested for her to stop, as the structure was rusty, creaky, and sketchy. Kagura just laughed at me and denied my pleas. I couldn’t stay mad, however; I enjoyed the secret touches and the way my heart skipped a beat when her hands brushed against my back or my hips.

Unable to take the torment any longer, I jumped off the swing at the height of its ascent and rolled on the ground. My shoulder hurt a little, but that was it. I lay on the ground, grinning like a maniac and staring at the clouds rolling past overhead.

“Sango!” Kagura rushed over to me. “Are you okay?!”

I nodded and laughed a little. I held out my hand.

“Are you crazy?!”

I pulled her to the ground, on top of me, knowing damn well what I just did. Kagura made no motion to move; in fact, she seemed perfectly content with laying on me, her leg slightly draped over my hip.

“I’m not crazy—I’m delightfully insane,” I smirked at her, narrowing my eyes. A sly smile appeared on her pale face and I was soon trapped, my cocky plan backfiring almost immediately.

I felt Kagura’s hand on my shoulder, hyper aware of the way she was most likely intentionally pulling the collar of my shirt a little to the side. I could feel her breathing against me, her lips were so close to mine…

I swear she almost leaned in to kiss me.

I stopped her, against my will.

“I can’t breathe…” It wasn’t entirely a lie.

“Sorry,” Kagura blushed and slid off me. Her hand rested on my shoulder, though; and briefly brushed my chest as I sat up. “Sorry!” She apologized again, her blush turning as red as her eyes.

“No apology necessary…” I briefly imagined kissing her and quickly pushed the thoughts away.

“Hey, Sango…”

“Yes?”

“Random, but, I think I know you from somewhere…” started Kagura. _Oh no..._ “There was a girl at Pride last month who looked a lot like you. She ran into me. I think she was chasing this tall, half-naked guy…”

“Yeeeeeaaaahhhh…” I nervously rubbed the back of my neck. “Sorry…” Kagura laughed. “I was really hoping you wouldn’t remember that…”

“Why?” Kagura giggled, holding a hand over her mouth and never averting her gaze from my awkward existence.

“I was looking rough that night…” I confessed. “I was up for almost an entire day and we were all so drunk… I was sober by then, but it was bad…”

“So, who was the naked guy?”

“My friend, Jakotsu…” I anxiously pulled at some blades of grass. “Well, he’s more of my best friend Miroku’s friend, but a friend of mine nonetheless. He didn’t want to go to the military but it was too late. Jakotsu is… interesting.”

“I remember you mentioning Miroku a few times.” Kagura stood up and offered me her hand. I took it, almost stumbling into her on the way. “I feel like I know all these people, as much as you talk about them.”

“Sorry,” I hoped I didn’t talk too much…

“No, don’t be!” Kagura grabbed my hand as we began walking along the sidewalk, heading to the riverfront. “Your people sound like a good group.”

“We try,” I laughed nervously. _Define good…_ Just yesterday I had sold a bag of weed to Miroku on campus, homegrown by my father… And then there was Miroku’s pending charges… my regular schedule of trespassing in abandoned buildings, Koga’s DUIs, Inuyasha’s brother… We could be worse, though.

But I did not want to taint Kagura. She didn’t seem to have a sketchy bone in her body from what I could tell.

“Kagura…” I sighed. “Just… curious… I know you drink every now and then… But, what is your relationship with the devil’s lettuce?”

“What?”

I looked around. “Do you smoke weed?”

Kagura burst out laughing.

“What?!”

“You’re hilarious!”

“Well?!” I could feel my face turning red. Why do I always say dumb shit?

The dark-haired girl caught her breath. “I’ve never smoked but Suikotsu does and Bankotsu used to. He used to actually have a problem with spice in high school.”

“Oh…” I didn’t know what to say to that.

“So, no, I don’t have a problem with weed, if that is what you are asking.”

“Okay…”

As we walked alongside the river, I explained to Kagura that my father cultivated marijuana, mostly for his own consumption and enjoyment, and how I occasionally sold for him and how Miroku, Inuyasha, and I were known to get blazed somewhat regularly. I also offered her a short explanation of some of the shenanigans Miroku and I had gotten into over the years.

“You woke up with a moose in the bathroom?” asked Kagura. “You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“Nope… wish I was… kind of…” I scrolled through the pictures on my phone and pulled up the picture of the baby moose that we had somehow managed to get into not only the four-star hotel we had stayed at during our Canada trip, but also got the moose into our hotel room and into the bathroom. Kagura burst into laughter.

“Oh my god, you all are insane!” She took my phone for a better look at the photo. “And you don’t remember how it got there?”

“Nope… to this day…” I laughed, taking my phone back. I briefly swiped through the related photos, consisting of a healthy mixture of sight-seeing and drunken debauchery. “I found out at graduation that one of my _professors_ was at least partially responsible, though!”

Kagura clapped her hand to her forehead. “Wow… I’ll keep that in mind if I ever have to take a Psych course.”

“Please do, my dear…” _Shit, did I just call her that?_

My accidental words earned me a shy smile from my friend. She took my hand again and the butterflies in my stomach became restless with anxiety.

* * *

“You know, Sango, you’re super smart,” noted Kagura.

“Really?” I didn’t feel like it a lot of the time these days.

“Yes.” Kagura sat next to me, her arm brushing against mine as she did so. We stared ahead at the setting sun from the rooftop. I was relieved that this was her idea. We spent the evening exploring the park, riverfront, and surrounded wooded area, only to venture forth into the older, more rundown part of town. It wasn’t quite dangerous, just old, slightly somber, and mostly abandoned.

“You’re in a _master’s program,_ Sango!” exclaimed Kagura. “And you worked on that research project, which you presented at an _international_ conference! I wish I could be that smart, that driven…”

“I think you could be… I think you probably already are…” I smiled at her. Kagura smiled back and leaned her head against my shoulder, lacing her arm around mine in the process.

This felt right. So wrong, it’s right.

We took Kagura’s car this afternoon, to her neck of the woods. We passed Bankotsu’s work truck but never made contact with him. Apparently, Kagura’s two best friends, Renkotsu and Suikotsu, really wanted to meet me. That meant she talked about me to them, often. They thought Bankotsu was a douche.

She never spoke of him. I had since kept my comments and sly urges in check for the most part. It was all her.

Thusly, I let the guilt dissolve from my mind as Kagura drove me back to my car at our work, so I could go to class and then meet up with Miroku for booze and debriefing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ratchet: disgusting, gross, icky, nasty.


	6. Young and Beautiful

Shippo threw his drumsticks into the air and caught one before going into an impromptu and uncalled for but nonetheless impressive drum solo as we ended our mediocre cover of “Not the American Average” by Asking Alexandria.

“ _Another!_ ” Miroku called out from the basement bar. “You guys are already getting good!”

“This is our second real band practice since Shippo joined,” said Inuyasha as he walked to the counter to hydrate. He still had it; the boy could still seamlessly transition from clean vocals to screams with little to no consequence.

“Yeah, you all should have recruited the young whippersnapper a long time ago!” joked Miroku.

“Hey, I’m not much younger than you guys!” Shippo chucked a drumstick at the older boy.

Miroku nonchalantly dodged. “I’ve got eight years on you, kiddo.” He walked over to Shippo, drink in one hand, and pinched his cheek. Shippo cursed and whacked him in the head with the remaining drumstick.

“Don’t make me come over there!” threatened Inuyasha, crushing his water bottle. “I will turn this whole band practice around!”

By now, Miroku and Shippo were struggling on the ground in a faux wrestling match. Miroku was losing.

Inuyasha walked up to them and nudged Miroku in the ribs with his foot. “Miroku. You’re fired.”

“You can’t fire me! I’m not even in the band!” cried Miroku. Shippo shoved him away and got up for a refreshment of his own.

“Indeed, but we can ban you from practices,” Inuyasha helped him up.

I laughed and began checking the tuning on my bass. “Miroku, you’re the worst groupie ever.”

“I am deeply hurt, my dearest friends!” Miroku leaned against the wall, arms crossed and a pouty expression on his face.

“Fine, you’re not fired.” Inuyasha resumed his position by his mic stand. He turned to look toward me and Shippo. “You guys ready for another song?”

“Yes, as soon as Koga gets back.” I adjusted the strap on my bass, satisfied with the tuning. Shippo nodded and hopped back behind his drum set.

Koga returned shortly after and we began our semi-decent cover of “Isolation” by Alter Bridge. I was surprised that Koga, Inuyasha, and I still had such great chemistry as musicians; we had not played together since Inuyasha and I graduated from college almost two years ago. We were hesitant to replace Kohaku on drums but Shippo quickly proved himself to be at least as good as Kohaku, if not surpassing him. Koga was the most hesitant to let him join due to his age, him being still considered legally a child in most places. However, by the time we would be even near ready to perform at a real venue and not just backyards and basements, Shippo would likely reach legal adulthood. And none of that would matter anyway, if we were ever good enough…

Two songs later—our band’s namesake by Avenged Sevenfold and “Dark Days” by Parkway Drive—Inuyasha turned to me, to my surprise.

“You wanna give it a shot?” He held out the mic to me.

“Huh? Me--?” I was surprised. A blush threatened to form on my cheeks.

“It’s no secret you’re a good singer, Sango,” Inuyasha reassured. “You’re more than backing vocals, if you’re ever interested.”

I was flattered but my anxiety kept me grounded. “Why the offer so sudden?”

“Well…” Inuyasha looked away and nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “Miroku mentioned there was a song you’d like to cover sometime, for your mom…”

 _Correct._ I did want to do that. _Maybe…_ Inuyasha could tell I was considering it. Concern was present in his golden eyes, backed by a friendly, warm smile.

“You do cleans, I’ve got screams?” offered Inuyasha.

I sighed, trembling slightly. “Alright, let’s do the damn thing.”

* * *

I admittedly felt better, lighter, after band practice that afternoon. Although, I barely made it to the end of the song without crying. The only one who could really tell was Miroku. We ended our set with my boys all surrounding me in a brotherly, well-intended group hug. Koga soon brought out the beer.

To my astonishment, Miroku did not drink this time. He was content with a smoke and our collective company. Mei was blowing up his phone, though, and he was ignoring her.

“Dude, just answer her,” groaned Koga. “Or at least turn off your goddamn notifications. That little beep is driving me fucking crazy.”

Miroku finally responded to her moments later, and whatever he said shut her up for a good while.

I felt weird. Not quite drunk, but getting there. I kept thinking about Kagura and the fact that she had a boyfriend… and then Mom would show up in my thoughts.

“You okay, Sango?” asked Miroku.

“Hmmm?” I shook myself out of my brooding thoughts. “Yeah… just thinking…”

“Girls?” pried Koga.

I nodded. “And my mother…”

“Oh.” Koga gave me an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, dude…” He rummaged through the small cooler at his side and produced a cold beer. “We’re here for ya, though. Always.” He grabbed another for himself.

I happily accepted his offer and we clinked our bottles together in a silent toast.

“If it’s any consolation, Sango,” said Koga, “I think she would be damn proud of you.”

“Really?” I didn’t feel like it sometimes…

“Yes.” The boy shot me a genuine smile, his blue eyes filled with brotherly love.

* * *

Since becoming close with Miroku, his familial friend group had gladly taken me in as their own. I met Inuyasha and Kagome and befriended them first, though. My junior year in college… I smiled at the memories. It was nothing like the media made it out to be but so much more, and so unexpected.

I met Jakotsu during my summer practicum at a juvenile detention center. He was the male counselor intern and I was the female. We spawned a fast friendship and the rest was history. I met Miroku that fall. Kagome was the president of the Psychology Club and Psi Chi, Inuyasha was the Treasurer, and Miroku was just a member. I met Inuyasha through the communal space of the Psychology Lounge on the Psych floor of the building. I met Kagome through him and had a class with her.

I met Miroku in my Health Psychology class with Kagome. She knew him from other classes and just from being around. Jakotsu also knew him from high school, although they never really became friends until college. This all very closely followed my ‘coming out’ process and failed ‘relationship’ with my friend, Yura. Miroku was handsome. I was puzzled.

I soon accepted my pining after this booksmart devil. We went on one ‘date’ on Christmas break. We started our day at the school rec center and pool, then had lunch at a hibachi buffet. Our day ended with coffee at the riverfront galleria. I learned a few songs for him that I never had the courage to play.

A few months after that, I moved to the city to be closer to school and rolled my car that same day. Some stupid bitch went right of center and there was just enough ice on the backroad not even five minutes from Father’s house to send me off-course. I thought I was going to die that day, not even left my childhood home for five minutes, three months from getting my bachelor’s degree, never having kissed a girl, never having told Miroku I liked him, dying a virgin…

Kohaku called Dad. He knew I was in a car crash without anyone even telling him. We cried on the phone together. Dad was apparently still paying on the car; the crash didn’t kill me, but I thought surely he would. Mom was distraught and thanked her lucky stars that I survived. Inuyasha and Kagome helped Dad and me move the rest of my shit into my new place the same and next day. That night, Inuyasha and Kagome kidnapped me and forced me to go to the emergency room, worried that I had a concussion. Kohaku joined me there. I was unscathed and came home to spend the night on my brand new discount couch using the plastic wrap as a blanket.

The next week, I smoked marijuana for the first time, with Miroku of course. I’ll never forget how careful he was with me, making sure I was having a good time. It barely did anything to me that first time. So we drank instead. He met Kohaku that night and we sat around talking psychology, philosophy, and video games while drinking Grand Marnier. My brother had such an odd yet sophisticated taste in alcohol.

And the next week, I smoked out of a bong for the first time in my life. It was the first time I met Koga, too. We went to Okami house, where the boys cooked vegan stir fry. After lunch, they offered to smoke. I obliged and Miroku happily ran off to fetch a bong after I mentioned I’d never smoked one before. I’ll never forget the small conversation that ensued next…

_Miroku came sprinting back down the hallway, a one-hundred fifty-two-centimeter water pipe in his arms._

_“Miroku! No! Not that!” chastised Koga from his blanket nest on the couch. “You’ll kill her!”_

_Miroku hung his head, an honestly sad look on his face. “Aww…” He turned and slowly began walking back down the hallway._

_The boy returned shortly after with a much smaller piece instead._

The next month, I left the country for the first time in my life. An international research conference and adventure awaited me in the far away land of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. I joined a research team at the last minute for my last semester. I would be lying if I did not admit that I joined the research team mostly to spend time with Miroku, who was one of the two head student researchers. We went with our two professors and two other students, one of whom graduated the year before.

That was the adventure of a lifetime. We almost didn’t make it home… Miroku and I, that is. We spent the majority of the weekend wasted, aside from the conference. Although, the second day there—the day we had to present, of course—us little students were still drunk from the previous night. Kagome tells me it is very noticeable in the ‘professional’ photos of us from then that the Psychology faculty still _loved_ to show in the Psychology Club presentations to recruit new students. Inuyasha always howls with laughter whenever that fact is brought up. I have the photos framed on my living room wall.

_Vancouver…_

I fell in love across the Pacific.

Or was it love?

I currently laid next to Miroku on his floor mattress in his small bedroom at the Okami residence. He was peacefully asleep. For once, he looked content in his slumber, and he had yet to sleep talk or toss and turn. The moonlight poured in through the window and highlighted his fair skin and angular facial structure. I snuggled closer to him, just longing to feel the warmth of another.

I don’t think it was love, in retrospect.

Stupid, young, opportunistic lust.

This idiot kissed me on the cheek in the back of a taxi cab as we barely made it back to the hotel to meet the professors and catch our flight at 06:00. He was blacked out then. I gravitated toward leadership and forced myself to sober up enough to get us back to the hotel on time. His peck on the cheek and drunken slur of “Sango, you’re awesome” made my heart soar for weeks.

Until I wrote him a four-page letter confessing my feelings and he shot me down with a nuclear missile.

I couldn’t even bring myself to hate him. Not even a little.

He just wanted to be friends. And it ruined our friendship. For a while.

He wouldn’t even make eye contact with me at school and actively went out of his way to avoid me. I was lucky he came to my grad party. That was the last time I saw him for two weeks; my father sent Kohaku and I on a cruise as a graduation present for me. A few random hang-outs with friends, and two drunken scenes caused separately by each of us later, Miroku and I reached a truce.

_We sat on the balcony of my third-floor apartment, enjoying the lush greens of the trees outside and the summer breeze. Miroku had just packed a bowl and it sat on the small table between us in wait. This was the first time I had been alone with Miroku since I told him I had feelings for him. The space between us felt heavy and awkward._

_“Have a smoke,” offered Miroku as he held out the bowl for me. I sat down and took my hit._

_“This is some good shit,” I commented, exhaling and trying not to cough like a loser. My romantic inclination toward Miroku had since fizzled out. I was able to find a ‘rebound’, which ended disastrously at an Inuyasha and Kagome party. Fuck that girl…_

_Miroku was an asshat just like me in that regard. He apparently spent the night in jail, the very_ same _night I had my meltdown at the party. This girl, Jasmine, he met from school and had since been fooling around with (beginning right after I stopped chasing him), turned out to be dangerous. She lured Miroku, Jakotsu, Hakkaku, and Ginta out to her place two hours north for a party she was throwing with her friends. Miroku and the others wanted to leave and she wouldn’t let them._

_Jasmine stole his car keys, rightfully angering him. Miroku threatened to destroy her house if she didn’t give him his keys back and let them leave. Needless to say, he also found out she stole Ginta’s cash right out of his wallet and sold Hakkaku laced weed, which resulted in the younger boy having a panic attack. Penultimately, Miroku is a man of his word; he threw an entire outdoor table through Jasmine’s living room window. Unfortunately, this resulted in a night in jail and a disorderly conduct charge that got thrown out in the morning in light of Miroku having no previous record. The police just warned him to ‘calm the hell down’ and to stop messing with criminal girls. Jasmine didn’t even press charges or ask for repairs. She knew she did wrong, too._

_When Miroku finished recounting his lesson learned, I confessed my own. My plight was nowhere near as severe as Miroku’s fuck-up, but I did succeed in making an ass out of myself. Long story short, I met a pretty girl named Akari at my work in the marketplace coffee shop. We hung out, we talked, we texted, I met her mom, I got her a job at the coffee shop… and she led me on the entire time, throwing that in my face at the party. She was also damn sure to inform me that I was a desperate loser who was nothing but a pretty face, a college degree, and a nice car. Ouch._

_I was still hurt from Miroku’s rejection at the time and by the time of this provocation, I was six ciders, three shots, one White Russian, and an entire bottle of Hypnotq deep. I cried. A lot. Ugly crying. I missed Miroku so badly at the time and not even in a romantic sense. It was then that I knew I loved him like the true-blue best friend I never had. I just wanted him to be there to offer me comfort, shitty jokes, a shoulder to cry on, and another drink. I also knew he would have made Akari cry. He would never hit a woman but I had heard him tell some people off before. He could be very mean when necessary._

_Kagome made her cry anyway. I never saw anyone get literally kicked out of a party so quickly and forcefully in my life. Kagome and her three best friends from high school, Eri, Ayumi, and Yuka, literally found Akari and collectively literally launched her out the front door. Inuyasha ordered her an Uber and sent her away with a splash of the vile mixture of that night’s Kings Cup to the face and three dollars for the driver’s tip. That was the last thing I remembered before I blacked out._

_I learned much later that I said a bunch of awful shit about Miroku, Kohaku and his bitch ass girlfriend, and even tried to fight Inuyasha. No one took me seriously, thankfully. I also learned that my night ended with Inuyasha driving me home, restraining me, and carrying me up the stairs to my apartment. Apparently I tried to fight him again when we got upstairs and told him to get face-fucked; so he just laughed, restrained my arms behind my back, and then kicked me into my bedroom. He was nice enough to lock the front door when he left, though._

_Miroku laughed darkly as he packed another bowl. “Sounds like we both have some demons, eh?”_

_“I’m an asshole, Miroku…”_

_“No…” he sighed, offering me the first hit. “Sango, I want to apologize to you.”_

_“For what?”_

_“You know, Sango… I may make poor decisions but I am by no means an idiot…” He gave me a stern look, such emotion prevalent in his dark blue eyes. “Sango, I hurt you.”_

_“I’m fine, really…” I was. Now, at least. I just wanted my friend back._

_“But I hurt you…” He sounded so apologetic, so genuine. “You poured your heart out to me and I threw it all back in your face. It’s not right. It was very cold of me and I offer you my sincerest apologies.”_

_I took the longest hit my lungs could handle. “It’s okay…”_

_Miroku took the bowl from me and set it down on the table. He then took my hands in his and stared intently into my eyes. “No! It’s not okay! I mean, I_ was _interested in you from the moment I met you!” That was news to me. Kind of. “You’re beautiful, Sango! And you’re smart! And brave! And talented, and funny… and I could go on forever!” He released my hands. “But I’m not what you need… I’m not even what you want…”_

_“Miroku—” I wasn’t hung up on him!_

_“Sango, you’re remarkable and I’m a monster!” He loosely held my hand, eyes transfixed on the action._

_I rubbed my thumb across his knuckles. A singular leftover butterfly fluttered through my ribcage, finally leaving me be._

_“I’m a monster, too, Miroku,” I said softly. “And I forgive you.”_

_“Sango…” Miroku sighed. “There was a point in time that I heavily considered dating you… especially after_ you _bought_ me _flowers and chocolates for Valentine’s Day!” He laughed; I blushed a little. “You are too sweet, especially for someone like me. As you may know, I had just gotten out of a long-term failure last summer… I’m not ready for anything serious. I thought I was with Koharu back then but she left… and then I quit caring. I just wanted to have fun, you know? You’re more than just a rebound or a fuck buddy… I would never want that for you, ever.”_

_I was trying not to cry. Part of me hurt hearing this but it was for the best. At least I had my closure now, more than his simple rejection and ghostly behaviors that last month in school. And most importantly, I had my friend back. However, another part of me was a little mad that we didn’t at least just bang once for the hell of it, to get it over with (for me, at least)._

_“We good?” I asked after moments of silence and letting the energy around us thin._

_“As long as you say we are?” offered Miroku._

_“I’m just happy to have my buddy back, honestly,” I answered._

I fell asleep with my arm around Miroku that night, the comfort of his cologne mixed with the faintest smell of cigarette smoke filling my nostrils in a scent that was undeniably him. I was glad now that we had never progressed past ‘just friends’ let alone partook in any type of pity sex. In fact, the thought of having sex with him—or even kissing him—now made me cringe. He was far more sleazy than he initially led me to believe when we first met. He was the type of guy to leave his boxers in a girl’s room as a keepsake and also the type to have a mystery bra unearthed from the mountain of trash in the back of his car. I’ll pass on that.

But he was a good friend. The best.

That night, I dreamed of having to fight all of Kagura’s evil exes. Miroku was there as my player two. He kept dying for stupid reasons and bursting into coins and bottle caps each time. He respawned before the boss battle against Bankotsu, which I had to fight alone on principle. The dream ended as I was marrying Kagura, with Miroku as my best man of honor. He looked good in a bridesmaid dress.

* * *

I was off work the next day and caught up on my schoolwork. I had finally told Miroku—and only Miroku—about Kagura and Bankotsu. I still texted her and she still texted me, usually first and more often, but I elected to back off a little.

Miroku walked down the sidewalk, scrolling through Kagura’s Facebook page. Of course, he added her literally the day after she confessed to liking me. He stopped walking as he got to a photo of Bankotsu flipping off the camera, his arm around Kagura. I stopped too, eagerly awaiting the shitty remark that I just knew was itching to leave Miroku’s lips.

“ _This boy looks like an asshole!_ ” cried Miroku. He turned to me. “Have you _seen his_ Facebook?! He sounds like a douche ass!”

“No; quite frankly, I try to pretend he doesn’t exist,” I lamented. I stuck my hands in my pockets and resumed my walk to nowhere in particular.

“He doesn’t even post about her! Just shits on other things and other people, it seems!” _Fuck, Miroku, just drop it…_ My friend jogged to catch up with me. “Plus, he’s ugly! You’re so much better than him; she’s a goddamn idiot if she picks him…”

I stopped abruptly, causing Miroku to run into me. “She already picked him, dude.” I glared at him.

“They’re on a break, Sango. She’s fair game.”

I sighed. “It doesn’t matter… She’s stuck on him. Trust me.” I turned and kept walking. “Miroku, can we go to the bar?”

“Ew, and yes…” Two long strides later and he was back at my side once more. “I don’t have mandatory overtime this week.”

“Good.” We changed our course to that of the bar approximately ten blocks away. It was a nice day out.

“Miroku, I don’t want to be alone…” I broke roughly ten minutes of silence.

“Me either, Sango,” said Miroku.

“You have Mei…”

“Eh…”

We looked at one another. Miroku looked ill. I almost laughed if it weren’t for my festering self-loathing.

I turned and leaned against the bridge on the overpass. There was a park nearby. I let my eyes scan the area, noticing the children playing. They didn’t have a care in the world. They didn’t know the horrors and pains of growing up. Not yet, anyway. I almost missed that childhood innocence.

“I don’t want to be like my parents,” I confessed. “Mom died alone… Dad probably will, too. I mean, he has my stepmother, Nozomi, but she lives two prefectures away… And they were technically separated for a few years, too…”

“Sango…” Miroku too leaned on the railing. His arm touched mine. Just that was enough comfort for now. “I don’t know what the future holds… and I know this isn’t what you mean or want to hear, but…” He turned to look at me and smiled. “You’ll always have me.”

I smiled back at him. “I know. Thank you.”

We watched the park scene for a few minutes. I heavily debated ruining our moment with a snarky comment but opted against it.

“What about when we’re old?” I asked. I didn’t want to get old. I was afraid of falling ill or falling apart, like my parents. In recent years, I had grown comfortable in my skin finally, and as such, I was also comfortable enough to admit and embrace my slight vanity. I didn’t want to grow old at all… I didn’t want to lose my youth… Mother’s passing left me with a sobering stance on my own mortality.

“Sango, I’ll be your best friend until we’re old and gray!” Miroku put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. “And then when we’re too fucking old and senile, we’ll be _new_ friends!”

“Yeah, if the alcoholism and drugs don’t get us first,” I laughed.

“Ouch, Sango,” Miroku commented, feigning hurt.

We continued our walk to the bar, taking a detour through the park. We stopped there on the way to actually climb on the jungle gyms and go down the slides. A few younger parents laughed at our antics and some older people rolled their eyes and shook their heads at us. We couldn’t care less. Seeing Miroku and his long limbs fall out of and simultaneously get stuck in a tube slide was hilarious and worth our little detour all on its own. I actually had to help him up that time.

I knew the time would come when we were both settled down, possibly married with kids. I knew one day we would both have ‘real’ jobs and have to stop dressing like punk trash and watch our mouths. One day we would have to save drinking for the weekends and stop smoking weed. One day Miroku would have to cut his hair and adopt a suit and tie. One day I would have to cover my tattoos and stop dying my hair a different color every year or so. But that day is not today. We were the future and that realization was one of the few things that could actually terrify me these days.


	7. Grand Theft Autumn

“Hey, Sango!”

I felt an elbow nudging my ribs and I slowly sat up, cracking my neck and stretching in the process. Studying for Research Methods was horrendous. I’d rather be at work. At least there, I get _paid_ to be miserable.

“Jou’s calling for you!” said Kagome.

“Oh, right, Jou…” I mumbled. The handsome boy stopped next to our table, smiling and offering me his hand.

“Hey,” I greeted. I let him help me to my feet. “We’re gonna go grab some coffee; see you guys later.”

I tried. I was _really_ trying.

This week, I swore off Kagura. Miroku was appalled at my decision; he was rooting for me the whole time. I refused to be a side piece or a homewrecker, though. I would not stoop to his levels! Kagome and Inuyasha swooped in to save the day, though, in the form of convincing me to download a dating app, claiming that’s how Sesshomaru met his current girlfriend, Rin.

But Sesshomaru is antisocial.

But so am I, according to them.

They’re not wrong.

But dating apps are where Miroku finds all of his booty calls, daddy issues, gold diggers, and other assorted hoes and harlots. _Like Mei…_

I met Jou on a dating app. Turns out he went to school with us and was a year ahead of Inuyasha, Kagome, and me in the Counseling program; but he was there to become a school counselor. We were in Clinical Mental Health. Inuyasha loved to joke that we were the elite half of the program and that school counselors were the generic, diet version. The asshole in me liked to agree with him. The school counselors met up before class at the sports bar a few blocks from campus. The mental health counselors met up at the dive bar on the _edge_ of campus after class. It was an unspoken custom.

_“What—is that some Romeo and Juliet, star-crossed, ‘West Side Story’ bullshit?!”_

Miroku’s joke when I first told him about Jou both entertained and infuriated me. He was supportive nonetheless but didn’t fully like Jou on the grounds that he was a school counselor and I found him on a dating app. _Hypocrite…_

“Sango, it’s nice to be able to hang out in person,” said Jou as we took a seat in a booth near the window. I looked longingly outside, watching all the people traverse the campus grounds.

“Yes, I agree…” I managed a smile at him. Jou was both handsome and gorgeous, for a boy. He was actually a year younger than me but graduated both high school and college a few years early, earning him early entrance into the Master’s program. I had seen him around before and I think I even had a class with him my very first semester.

Jou had dark reddish-brown hair and amber eyes and wore thick framed black glasses. He was about my height but built like a gladiator. He was clean cut and brushed his hair. He dressed in a button shirt, tie, and dress pants for school. I was lucky if I even brushed my hair most days in recent times, typically choosing a hat or a messy ponytail. I tried to look ‘nice’ for school but ‘nice’ to me translated to anything that wasn’t basketball shorts and a band t-shirt. Grad school and working warehouse made me lazy.

Inuyasha called us ‘beauty and the beast’. Kagome shoved him back in the elevator and he had to catch up to us in the cafeteria. _Inuyasha’s not wrong…_

Jou insisted I was pretty and that he was actually quite drawn to alternative girls. He said he wanted to get to know me earlier but he was afraid to say anything because he found Inuyasha intimidating and he knew I was almost always with him and Kagome. Jou also confessed that he found my confidence daunting, as well as my beauty.

This confidence booster was no less welcome to me.

I just still couldn’t help but to wish it was Kagura…

She texted me often and we still hung out at work. Although, I no longer went out of my way to invite her to hang out and I actually blew her off a few times. It broke my own heart.

Jou was fun to talk to. He was a very nice guy. He could even be the type I wouldn’t be afraid to bring home to my father. Mother would have approved as well, although she would have likely picked on him. I didn’t think Miroku would like him very much, though… Jou had his shit together.

He was twenty-two and he had his shit together.

I was twenty-three and I still spent many of my evenings embarking on hoodrat adventures with my friends… Jou was about to start a paid internship at an inner-city school and he already had a job as a teacher’s aide at another institution. I wasn’t ready for all that for myself.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and excused myself from Jou in the polite fashion that indicated I would like to go relieve myself. In reality, I just wanted to get away from him for a moment. Nothing personal against him, though…

It was Kagura.

My heart soared.

‘ _Hey what’s up? Haven’t heard from you yet today. Was just wondering what you were doing after work tomorrow? I was going to go hang with Suikotsu, maybe have a jam session. He really wants to meet you, since I told him you were in a band. I figured maybe the three of us could chill and listen to music and it would be a good time.’_

I leaned against the stall door and dramatically hit the back of my head against it. _I really want to, Kagura…_

I missed her. She took the pre-shift voluntary time off today at work. I hadn’t seen her since Friday and it was now Tuesday…

Fuck it.

‘ _That sounds rad, Kagura. I’m in. :)’_

I felt a little guilty. But what was the harm? Kagura and I were still _friends._ And I had just begun talking to Jou a few days ago…

* * *

I sat in the finished basement of the gorgeous home of Suikotsu Hirata. Well, his mother’s home, at least.

Suikotsu was an interesting fellow. Like me, he was halfway through graduate school, but working on a medical degree. He fucking hated it. He was torn between dropping out to become a production manager at the ShipHole (he too worked there, but like Miroku, he was in a different building) and pursuing music. Suikotsu just didn’t want to ignite the flames that dropping out of school would likely create, burning the bridge between him and his mother.

Rightfully so. He was on a scholarship but she paid for his books and didn’t charge him rent.

Suikotsu also matched the appearance of Kagura and myself. He was tall and muscular but had the punk aesthetic. He had long, jet black hair that was shaved on the sides and currently pulled back in a top knot; the beginnings of a dark beard dusted his jawline. He had a septum piercing and dual snake bites on his lower lip. The man had a gorgeously detailed sleeve tattoo of a battle scene on his left arm, depicting a battle between seven mercenaries and an army of samurai.

We just finished playing a cover of “Dammit” by Blink-182. I brought my acoustic bass.

Suikotsu lit his cigarette. “I already like her more than Bankotsu…”

I blushed.

Kagura laughed. “Sango’s pretty awesome.” She looked at me out of the corner of her eye and smiled.

“How is ol’ Banny, anyway?” I could tell he was feigning interest in the other boy just for the sake of pleasantries, despite openly verbally shitting on him only moments before.

“I don’t know, haven’t really seen him,” said Kagura.

Suikotsu blew his smoke out in her direction, an annoyed look on his face. “Don’t you two live together?”

“Kind of…” I could tell Kagura was growing uncomfortable. I was too, to be honest.

“Well…” Suikotsu stood up. He was tall. “You two wanna grab some food? I’m buying.”

* * *

We sped down the main road, past all the vintage-looking buildings and shops of the small town. Kagura was driving, I was riding shotgun, and Suikotsu sat in the backseat, but was currently leaning forward so he could hear us and speak without having to yell over the music. We made a trip to Shibuya for Taco Bell. Apparently that was Suikotsu’s favorite. The day had been quite the adventure so far.

“So, what did you say your band’s name is again?” asked Suikotsu.

“Second Heartbeat,” I looked toward him as he nodded in thoughtful appreciation.

“Avenged Sevenfold reference?”

“Yes.”

Suikotsu looked to Kagura. “I approve, I wholeheartedly approve.”

Kagura smiled at me and reached for my hand. I let her take it, no holds barred. I didn’t even care if Suikotsu saw. I knew at the beginning of our adventure that he wouldn’t be a problem, although, I was admittedly scared to meet him. He seemed very critical of Kagura’s past relationships, _especially_ Bankotsu. Suikotsu himself was one of them. They apparently dated in high school, she was a freshman, he was a senior. They just didn’t work and were better off as friends. _Like me and Miroku…_

“Kagura…” sighed Suikotsu.

“What?”

We got a red light and Kagura turned to face Suikotsu. The man had a dead serious look in his eyes.

“Dump Bankotsu. Fuck him.”

Kagura laughed. “Bankotsu…”

Suikotsu nodded to me, not taking his intense gaze off of Kagura. “No, no… dude’s a jackass. I swear to fuck, if he breaks your heart one more time…” He made a slicing motion with his finger across his neck. “Date Sango instead. I like her. She’s good people.”

Kagura and I both blushed. She removed her hand from mine and nervously chuckled. I didn’t know what to say or do next so I just skipped a few songs ahead on Kagura’s Spotify.

When we parked in Suikotsu’s driveway, he was still on our last conversation.

“I’m serious, Kagura,” he said. “She’s smart, she can actually play an instrument, she’s _obviously_ got her shit together, and she’s cute…” My blush deepened and I looked away, unable to hide the nervous smile on my face.

Kagura was silent for a moment, nervously fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. “Well…” She looked at Suikotsu. “If I _were_ to date anyone after Bankotsu… I think they would _probably_ be a girl… she would be in a band… she would be smart…” Kagura lazily looked out the window, “she would have her shit together…” She turned her head and her lovely ruby eyes met my copper hues. “And she would be pretty cute.” Kagura smiled at me. I looked away, feeling my heart racing. “…and admittedly a little awkward.”

* * *

Kagura dropped me off at the bar on the edge of campus. The Skyline Tavern. One of my favorite places. Ironically, just up the hill from the Psychology building and on the edge of a supposedly _dry_ campus. Kagura had apparently made a new playlist, just for me. The song “Clavicle” by Alkaline Trio ended just as she put the car in park. The lyrics on that one resonated with me too well.

“You sure you don’t want to come in for a drink? Meet my buds?” I asked as I got out of the car.

“I want to,” said Kagura, “but I gotta get home and check on the dog.”

“Fair enough,” I said, a little disappointed but still happy nonetheless. I got to see her today.

I sat awkwardly in the passenger seat, as did she on the driver’s side. Kagura looked me up and down a few times, that cute, nervous yet sly smile never leaving her features. The awkward tension between us barely even registered with me.

“Sango,” said Kagura.

“Hmm?”

“You have really pretty eyes…” She leaned toward me. I mirrored her actions, heart pounding, all logic and morals evaporating from my brain.

My phone buzzed, effectively ruining the moment.

I groaned and pulled it out of my pocket. Whoever the hell it was really wanted to get a hold of me.

“Everything okay?” asked Kagura, sitting back once more.

_Motherfucker… she almost kissed me._

I looked down at my phone, then up at Kagura. “Sorry…”

“It’s okay, Sango.”

‘ _SAAAAAAAnnnnNNnnggggggggo!1!!’_

_‘hey’_

_‘Sangooooooooooooooooooo???’_

_‘where are u?’_

_‘bitch’_

_‘were at SKyuline alredy. Band talk;inuyaa n Kagz need u heer’_

Drunk ass Miroku.

And one text from Jou just checking in.

“Everything okay?” Kagura asked again, no doubt noticing the grimace on my face.

“Yeah…” I sighed. “They’re waiting for me. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to rush you…”

 _Buzz._ Check. _‘did u fuck her yet’_

I shoved my phone back into my pocket praying to every god, ancestor, and holy being I could think of off the top of my head that Kagura didn’t see that last text from Miroku.

_Band talk…_

“I won’t keep you, then, Sango. All good,” said Kagura. “No worries.”

I got out of the car and shut the door.

_Band… the show is coming up… this weekend…_

_“Woo her, god dammit!”_ Miroku’s support echoed in my mind.

 _“Bitches love guys in bands!”_ I waved to Kagura and began a slow walk to the front porch of the frat-house-turned-bar.

_“Bitches love girls in bands!”_

_“I’m bitches!”_

_“She’s bitches!”_

I turned around and sprinted back toward Kagura’s car just as she was backing up to leave the parking lot.

“Kagura! Wait!”

She put the car in park and stuck her head out the window. “What’s up?”

“Kagura! Will you— _shit!_ ” I tripped over a rock, clearly not paying any attention. I dropped my books in the process, falling forward and earning a few chuckles from a small group of undergrad girls at a table nearby. My fall apparently also earned me Kagura’s pity.

The older girl got out of the car and rushed over to me. I was already back to my feet, brushing myself off, my face red as ever. Kagura crouched down and collected my belongings. She stood up and handed them to me, concern in her eyes.

“Are you okay?” she brought her hand to the side of my face. My soul left my body.

“Yeah, I’m good, I’m just…” I stammered. _I’m a fool…_ “I haven’t even touched a beer yet,” I half-heartedly laughed at my stupid remark.

Kagura smiled at me and brushed my hair out of my eyes, tucking a few strands behind my ear. “You’re cute, Sango.”

“Heh…” Her face was too close to mine again and the temperature outside suddenly jumped from 26 degrees Celsius to a smoldering 500.

My phone began to buzz again. _Goddamn Miroku…_

“I’ll let you go, Sango,” noticed Kagura. She turned to leave, then stopped. “Wait, didn’t you want to ask me something?”

“Yes!” _Calm down…_ “So… my band is playing a basement show this Saturday at our guitarist’s house. It’s a small charity show benefitting homeless kids. You want to come? I can get you in for free—”

“I’d love to, Sango!” exclaimed Kagura. “Say no more! And I’ll buy the tickets. It’s for a good cause, after all.”

“Okay…” I tried to hide the excited tremor in my voice. “I actually have some tickets on me, in my bag… I just have to get them…”

Kagura noticed my struggle with holding my books and trying to get my bag off my shoulder without causing any more embarrassing mayhem. She came to my rescue, holding the books for me yet again so I could locate the tickets.

“How much are they?” asked Kagura.

“Five hundred yen a piece,” I hoisted my bag back to my shoulder and took my books back.

“Sold.” Kagura handed me the money.

We stood before one another yet again, awkward as ever…

“What are you doing tomorrow?” I asked. I was slowly becoming addicted to her presence already.

“Actually, I’m going to go see my father with Renkotsu. He wants to talk about going on a family vacation for once.” _That sounds lovely, my dear…_ “Are you free Thursday?”

 _I wish…_ “No, unfortunately… I’m helping my father with some reorganizing and yard work that day.”

“Friday?” I asked her.

“Cleaning the apartment and doing laundry then going out with Renkotsu and Suikotsu.”

_Damn._

Kagura looked around the area. She nervously wrung her hands together, her gaze settling on her shoes. She wore a pair of old off-brand skate shoes almost as worn out as mine.

“Well… in that case,” started Kagura. She leaned forward and left the briefest peck on my cheek. I froze, almost dropping my books. I surely dropped my brain instead.

Kagura walked back to her car and turned once she got to the driver’s side door. “See you at the show?” The lightest blush dusted her cheeks, accompanied by the cutest smile I’d ever seen.

* * *

I elected not to tell my friends about the kiss. Albeit, it was only a simple kiss on the cheek. But… Miroku was hammered. I didn’t want to deal with that. I just wanted to enjoy the rare rush of serotonin for once, without anyone else poisoning the feeling.

Inuyasha was growing nervous. I could tell by the two short glasses filled with melting ice cubes and the faintest scent of whiskey. He was such a talented vocalist and decent guitar player; no need for him to be so anxious… and about a basement show, at that. We would be lucky if ten people would show up, outside of our immediate social circles.

Miroku returned from the bathroom, a stagger in his step and a smile on his face.

“Suh, dudes?” he greeted.

“Your fly is unzipped.” Was my simple response.

“ _Oh, fuck!”_ Miroku blushed and fixed his small wardrobe malfunction before scurrying over to our table.

“Okay, so, we agreed on the set list…” Inuyasha paid no mind to Miroku’s drunken antics. The silver-haired boy was all business at the moment.

“The show is in four days, Inuyasha, calm down,” I reassured my friend. _Bullshit, though; I’ll be a nervous wreck in two days’ time, I am positive…_

“Yeah, Inuyasha,” agreed Kagome. “I’m sure you guys will be great! Your practices have been going well. You’re all so in sync and you know the songs in and out.”

“True…” Inuyasha seemed to be thinking about something. His energy calmed a little. “How many people are coming? Have any of you sold any tickets?”

“I told _everyone_ at my work!” proudly proclaimed Miroku.

Inuyasha sighed and closed his eyes. He clenched his fist a little. “That’s cute, Miroku, but did you actually _sell_ any tickets?”

“Sheeeeeeeeiiiiiitttt…” Miroku sat back in his chair and looked at the ceiling. “I have failed you, my brother.”

“Kagome?” asked Inuyasha, dejectedly shaking his head at Miroku.

“I sold two tickets to that one girl from our Research class; you know, the one who was the HBIC in that sorority—”

“ _Her?_ ” Inuyasha was shocked. So was I. “I can’t see her coming to a metal show, but sure… a ticket is a ticket.”

“Yeah,” said Kagome, stirring her drink, “she’s bringing her fiancé. He loves rock music, apparently.”

I tuned in and out of the discussion, my brain stuck back out in the parking lot, focused on my interaction with Kagura. Suikotsu’s bold suggestions and her own confession kept repeating in my mind. And I could still feel the softness of her lips against my cheek…

“ _Sango!”_ Inuyasha snapped his fingers in front of my face.

“Huh?”

“You good?” he asked. “You’re spacing again.”

“Yeah…” I sipped on my water. No booze today. Not feeling it.

“You sell any tickets?”

“Well, actually—”

Miroku came back to life with an interruption. “Hey, you should—” His face paled and he clapped a hand over his mouth. “Hold up…” Without another word, he ran to the men’s room like a bat out of hell.

“Sucks to suck…” I noted aloud, knowing my best friend was likely throwing up everything but his memories and currently hugging a toilet.

Kagome giggled. “I know, Sango—why don’t you invite Jou to the show?”

“Jou?” _Oh yeah, Jou… I never did text him back…_

“Yeah!” exclaimed Kagome.

Inuyasha laughed. “He doesn’t really seem like the type…”

“Well, neither does Hide,” Kagome argued.

“True,” Inuyasha propped his elbow on the table and rested his face in his hand. He scanned the walls of the place and I followed suit out of anxiety. Sports and alcohol memorabilia decorated the whole complex in a surprisingly tasteful way. “Alright, go ahead and invite him.”

_Motherfucker…_

I pulled my phone out of my pocket. A text from Kagura greeted me first, which I happily responded to. She was letting me know she made it home safely.

Then I finally replied to Jou.

‘ _Hey, my band is playing a basement show this Saturday. All proceeds go to the psychiatric center of the children’s hospital to benefit homeless kids. You interested?’_

He replied by the time Miroku came back, a small trail of toilet paper stuck to his shoe.

_‘That would be cool! I’ve actually never been to a concert before! I’ll be there for sure. :)’_

I was almost annoyed that he gave me an affirmative answer. Kagome was overjoyed, Inuyasha was indifferent, and Miroku berated the boy for never having been to a concert and called him a bitch.

_Shit…_

I just realized:

_Jou AND Kagura will be there._

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *HBIC: Head Bitch in Charge.


	8. Pretty In Punk

Inuyasha paced the back room of the Okami basement. Luckily, the place was large enough to divide into three separate rooms: the first and biggest was used for band practice and parties, the second wasn’t actually walled off from the first, but was set up more for a seating and hanging out area, the third was the backroom behind the practice room.

“How many people are coming?” asked Koga.

“Between ten and thirty,” I stated, busying myself with ensuring my bass was tuned correctly.

Inuyasha paused to look at us and visibly paled.

“You want a smoke, bro?” offered Koga.

“No! I want to focus!” Inuyasha was growing ever anxious. It was endearing. “Where is Kagome?!”

“Probably helping seat people, as she should be,” stated Shippo. “Calm down, dude.”

Inuyasha turned and flicked a guitar pick at the teen’s direction. “Suck my dick, Shippo!” The pick missed its mark and instead bounced off Koga’s guitar.

Koga paused his own tuning ministrations and shot Inuyasha a warning glance. “Make good choices, Inuyasha…”

I could hear the dubstep echo past the wall and vibrate the floor. Sesshomaru volunteered to DJ for the event and act as a warm-up of sorts for us. By his third song, Inuyasha had finally surrendered to Koga’s offer of relaxation in the form of a small marijuana joint. I partook, too, fully aware that both Jou and Kagura would be in the small crowd tonight, along with Kagura’s best friend, Renkotsu, whom I had only met once in passing. He already liked me enough, though.

Per Kagura’s most recent texts, Suikotsu was slightly mad at her that she didn’t invite him to the show with or instead of Renkotsu. I was just happy Bankotsu wouldn’t be joining us…

“Sango!” I turned around. Ayame stood in the side door. “Someone’s here to wish you good luck!” She hurried back out to help assist with guests.

My heart fell a little when Jou popped his head into the room. “Hey!”

“Hey, Jou,” I greeted, trying to sound happy to see him. _Kagura still hasn’t texted me that she’s at least on her way…_

Jou walked over to me. He was still dressed somewhat professionally, in a black button shirt tucked into his jeans. I was wearing a short plaid skirt and a black tank top that proudly bared the words ‘Hail Satan, Eat Pizza,’ complete with a pizza pentagram.

“Hey, Jou, whaddya know?” greeted Inuyasha. He smirked as Jou hid a glare from him. Jou never liked Inuyasha’s customary greeting tailored just to him.

“What’s up, Inuyasha?” Jou replied politely. He turned his attention back to me and took my hands in his. I blushed and glanced briefly to my bandmates for help. When they all but ignored my pleading look, I turned back to Jou. “You look great tonight, Sango.”

“Thank you…”

Sesshomaru’s last song was ending, thankfully.

“I guess you guys are on soon!” noted Jou. _No shit…_ He pulled me into an embrace and I felt my face go bright red, as red as my skirt and the print on my shirt. “Good luck tonight!” He let go of me and ran right into the tall, brooding figure of Sesshomaru on his way out.

Sesshomaru looked down at him. “Excuse you?”

“Sorry!” Jou darted past him with a wave in my direction.

Sesshomaru looked at each of us, his gaze cold and unamused. He was such a ray of fucking sunshine.

“Who the fuck was that?” asked the elder Taisho brother.

“Sango’s love interest,” stated Koga.

“ _Koga!_ ” I glared at him.

Sesshomaru looked from Koga to me, expressionless as always. “That’s funny; I heard this little girl talking to some dude in the front row about her.”

_Kagura’s here?!_

_God. Dammit._

* * *

There were _a lot_ more people here than I thought there would be.

The basement was packed. Most of the audience consisted of acquaintances of ours from school, both grad and undergrad. I was honestly a little intimidated as I walked out onto the makeshift ‘stage’, bass in hand. I followed Inuyasha and Koga with Shippo in tow behind me.

Inuyasha took point at the mic stand, albeit having trouble adjusting it. Bits of feedback echoed off the walls. The moment Koga plugged his guitar into the amp, even worse ear-piercing, drilling feedback floated through the air in a cacophonous symphony of its own. Several audience members covered their ears.

“Motherfucker…” I heard Koga curse to my left as he fiddled with the buttons and knobs on his amplifier.

Shippo tapped the bass drum and hit a single cymbal.

“Uh…” Inuyasha choked. Already.

Kagome and Ayame were in the front row, giving us the thumbs up. Kagome was trashed for once, I could tell.

I kept scanning the crowd for Kagura and Renkotsu. I didn’t see them.

Did we suck so bad already that they had left?

Koga finally fixed his amp. I stepped forward and whispered out the side of my mouth to Inuyasha, “ _Go, dude…_ ” I saw him grip the mic, his hand barely visibly shaking.

I turned around to look at Shippo, then Koga. Koga raised an eyebrow at me.

I looked back to the crowd. Jou was in the front row, on the other side of Kagome. He winked at me and smiled.

“Hello?” called someone from the back of the crowd, breaking the otherwise painfully awkward silence.

“ _Bakusaiga was better!_ ” another person called out about a minute later.

I plucked a string on my bass. One last look at Shippo and Koga, then I turned to the crowd once more. I could see someone pushing their way to the front.

It was Kagura.

She stood about five feet away from us on the ‘stage’, Renkotsu at her side, both smiling at me.

I had to win her over.

I stepped forward and grabbed the mic from Inuyasha and leaned in to it, bumping shoulders with him in the process.

_“We are Second Heartbeat and we’re here to make you feel all sad and think about death and stuff! This is ‘Not the American Average’!”_

Shippo finally started off with his heavenly drum intro. Inuyasha dropped the ball on the vocal intro. I took over, scared as fuck with an idiotic newfound determination flowing in my veins masking as confidence.

_“ONE! TWO! THREE! ALL THE THINGS THAT SHE SAID—WAS IT ALL IN MY HEAD?!”_

Inuyasha got his head out his ass and finally took over vocals. I was never happier than when he ripped the mic out of my hands and I could focus on bass once more, as it should be.

I felt such a lightness in my chest as I watched Kagura and Renkotsu bobbing their heads in the crowd. Their enjoyment—Kagura’s in particular—was enough bullshit fuel to inspire me to jump off my amp when the breakdown for the current song started. Thankfully, I landed with grace and did not miss a note.

We played “Isolation”, “Dark Days,” and “Second Heartbeat” next. By the middle of “Dark Days,” Kagura had taken it upon herself to try to start a small mosh pit using Renkotsu as the bait. I smiled as I saw her nearly knock him on his ass a few times. The moment she finally did, others joined in on their ridiculousness. Poor Jou got pushed into the mosh pit, too, victim of Kagome and Ayame.

Our set closed with “Valleys” by Close Your Eyes and ultimately ended with “Remember” by Burden of a Day. I was nervous about the last one. It was the only one I ever did solo vocals on, during the chorus. By “Remember”’s slightly shorter breakdown, I noticed Jou had retreated to the safety of the back of the small crowd. I smirked, making eye contact with Kagura as I sang the last chorus.

“ _…Just move slow and I’ll keep you breathing…”_

The crowd cheered. The sorority girl from our Counseling courses launched her drink into the air in elation.

“YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING AMAZING!” She cried out.

I looked at Inuyasha and laughed. He smiled back at me and put his arm around my shoulders, hugging me against his side. Koga soon joined me on my other side, Shippo on the other side of Inuyasha.

“I MARRIED THE SINGER!” called out a very drunken Kagome.

“AND _I’M_ MARRYING THE GUITARIST!” Ayame was now equally lit, apparently.

Kagura and I locked eyes and she opened her mouth like she wanted to say something. She paused and clapped instead, whooping and blowing me a kiss.

We bowed and ended our show with Shippo chucking his drumsticks into the crowd. Two preteen girls dove to the ground to fight over them.

* * *

“We did it!” cried out Koga. He popped the cork off a bottle of champagne and pointed it at me and Inuyasha. I couldn’t move in time and was sprayed with the alcoholic contents.

“We sure as fuck did!” Inuyasha, like me, wasn’t even mad at the champagne explosion. I think he welcomed it. I know I did.

“You all are chicken shits.” Sesshomaru sat cross-legged on the couch, sipping his own champagne out of a glass unlike us younger savages. I was surprised he hung around.

“Eat my ass, Sesshomaru!” yelled Inuyasha. “All you do is push buttons and spin records! It takes _real_ talent to sing and play actual instruments!”

Sesshomaru got up without a word and reached for Koga’s guitar. He flawlessly played the intro and solo from Coheed & Cambria’s “Welcome Home”, set the instrument back down, and loudly sang the first half of Frank Sinatra’s “Fly Me to the Moon” on his way back to his seat, snapping his fingers in perfect rhythm with the lyrics.

No one in the room was brave enough to further contest him. The elder Taisho brother resumed his champagne with a smirk on his face and a glint in his eyes.

“ _INUYASHAAAAAAAA!”_

Kagome and Ayame came stumbling into the room. Kagome fell against the door frame; Ayame clumsily fell against her right after.

“Kagome!” greeted Inuyasha. He stood up and hurried over to his wife.

She fell into his arms, letting him catch her mid-swoon. “You were _amazing_ tonight!”

“Thank you, hon,” smiled Inuyasha. He kissed her passionately on the lips.

Ayame shoved past them and drunkenly leaped into Koga’s outstretched arms. “Koga! You were super rad, too!” He twirled her around, laughing and holding her close.

 _I want that…_ I looked back to Shippo and Sesshomaru, who were now conversing quietly about music. I wished at least Miroku was here. That bastard was currently at Mei’s. I swear she faked whatever ailment she claimed to have tonight on purpose…

“Sango!”

I stood up, Kagura entered the room, following Jou with Renkotsu behind her.

_What the hell are the three of them doing together?!_

I inwardly fumed and felt my insides forming a knot.

“Kagura!” I wanted to rush up to her and twirl her around as Koga had done to Ayame but knew better.

_Jou, you need to leave…_

“Jou…” I greeted him, far less enthusiastically than I was with Kagura.

“You guys were great!” said Jou. “Best concert ever! I mean, it’s the only one I’ve ever been to, anyway.”

_And you pussied out and took refuge at the back…_

Kagura smiled at me, her hands clasped together. “Your band is pretty damn good.”

Renkotsu nodded in agreement. “Good to see you again, Sango.”

“Likewise, Renkotsu.” I bowed slightly to him. I liked Renkotsu. He was chill.

My band, the girls, and Sesshomaru observed my conversational circle, their collective interest piqued.

Now I was happy that Miroku was _not_ here.

“Oh, shit, sorry!” I apologized. “Guys, this is Kagura and her best friend, Renkotsu.” I gestured toward them. Both bowed their heads in respect. “Kagura, Renkotsu, this is my band, Inuyasha, Koga, and Shippo. And my friends Kagome, Ayame, and Sesshomaru.”

“It’s nice to meet all of you finally; I’ve heard so many things,” said Kagura.

“Whatever she told you— _none_ of it’s true!” defended Koga.

“Except the one about the piñata at her grad party— _that_ one is true!” added Inuyasha. Koga lowered Ayame to the ground and offered a fist bump to Inuyasha as both boys laughed.

Kagura laughed and gave me an interested glance.

“Oh, hey,” interrupted Jou. I turned to see him checking his watch. _Who the fuck wears a watch anymore?_ “I’ve gotta go. Got a lot of studying in the morning.”

“Tomorrow is _Sunday,_ you fucking dweeb,” commented Sesshomaru from the back.

Jou paled. “Uh.. yeah… I gotta go!” He turned to me and smiled. “As I said before, you were great tonight, Sango. I’ll see you at school!” With that said, he left. Thankfully.

“You scared him away, Sesshy!” slurred Kagome.

“I feel that it was a good thing, Kagome,” replied Sesshomaru. “That boy looked intimidated as hell.” He finished off his champagne. “A clean-cut boy like that has no business at a basement rock show.”

“I think I knocked him over a few times in the pit…” Kagura’s face reddened and she nervously glanced away, her brows bent in worry.

“Who the hell was that, anyway?” asked Ayame.

I wanted to puke.

“Just some friend of ours from school,” answered Inuyasha. He gave me a knowing glance and winked. I could breathe again knowing Inuyasha had my back. “Said he’d never been to a show before so we invited him.”

“Well, I think he’ll remember this one until the end of his days,” laughed Renkotsu. “With that being said… I gotta head out myself. Helping the parentals in the morning.”

“Understandable,” said Koga. “It was good meeting you, man!”

“Yeah,” said Inuyasha, “come back and watch another shit show soon?”

Renkotsu chuckled. “I wouldn’t call it a shit show. You guys were pretty good.”

“Indeed…” I caught Kagura staring at me.

“Are you leaving, too?” I asked her.

“Nah, we drove separately,” said Kagura. “I was actually hoping I could hang out for a bit?”

“Of course!”

* * *

We sat in the main portion of the basement, talking amongst ourselves and sharing stories. School, music, travel, pasts, futures, jokes… it was nice. Sesshomaru even stuck around for a bit, mostly observing, but present regardless. His girlfriend, Rin, finally joined us. She helped Mrs. Okami clean up everything before settling in and relaxing with the rest of us once the guests had all dispersed.

“No Miroku tonight?” asked Rin.

“Ugh, no,” groaned Ginta. He shifted in Hakakku’s lap. “He’s off at Mei’s for the night.”

“She sounds like a real thunder-cunt,” observed Rin. Her insults were hilariously creative. I couldn’t think of a better way to describe Mei. Rin was so outgoing, warm, and social, the opposite of Sesshomaru. She was also eight years younger than him, a mere twenty-one to his twenty-nine. He was the eldest one in our group, if you could even consider him a member.

Inuyasha rolled a blunt and began passing it around. It was my turn first. I hit it and then turned to Kagura. “Smoke?” Kagura shook her head and politely declined. I passed the smoke to Sesshomaru instead. I was surprised he partook. I was under the impression that he was straight edge.

“Where’s Koga?” I asked.

“He went to put the girls to bed,” stated Inuyasha. “Kagome and Ayame are pretty wasted.”

“Ah, they needed it,” said Shippo. “You all work too hard, with grad school and all that.”

“It’s not too terrible,” I said. Inuyasha nodded in agreement.

“It’s all just a balance. And will be worth it in the end,” stated the silver-haired boy.

Our conversation turned fully toward school. Kagura was contented enough to add her two cents in and tell them about her own educational ambitions, which made me smile. She seemed very comfortable among me and my friends. I was worried for a minute… I knew we were a rougher crowd than hers, from what I could tell. Bankotsu and Suikotsu sounded like they could be sketchy but they were nothing compared to where I came from…

Hoodlums and assholes in pursuit of higher education and greater ambitions. Though, we were harmless, in the grand scheme of things.

By the end of the night, Kagura had fallen asleep against my shoulder. I couldn’t help but put my arm around her.

Inuyasha noticed and smiled. By now, it was just me, him, Koga, and Kagura. Everyone else had left for the night.

“What?” I asked. Kagura stirred in her sleep, grabbing my shirt.

“That,” Inuyasha nodded toward her.

I smiled and gently brushed her hair out of her eyes, tucking it behind her ear.

“I don’t know, man…” I said quietly. It was still hella complicated. _She’s got a boyfriend anyway…_

Koga leaned forward and grinned at me. “It’s none of my business, girl,” he spoke low as not to wake Kagura, “Just know I’m happy for you, regardless.”

* * *

“Aaaawwwwwwww, you mean I didn’t get to meet her?” whined Miroku.

“Yep,” was my curt response.

“Why are you so disappointed about that?” asked Mei. The slight ring of accusation was present in her annoying little voice and I did not care for it.

“I just wanted to meet the object of my best friend’s affection, _my dear,_ ” defended Miroku. He glanced at me as he turned back from leaning over the console to face Mei. I had a feeling he was growing tired of her shit. None of us had really seen him over the past week. Miroku was sad he missed the show and not only because he didn’t get to meet Kagura as a result.

“I can’t believe we’re on our way to get you a lawyer,” I noted, veering us around a corner and dropping the speed to 40 kilometers per hour.

We reached the law office sooner than anticipated.

“Is this it?” asked Mei, a hint of disgust in her voice. The law office seemed to be housed in an old run-down, refurbished home.

I stepped out of the car, followed by her and Miroku. “That’s what the GPS says…”

“Well, Uncle Mushin says this guy is a god-tier lawyer,” said Miroku. He reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet. He soon produced a business card, reading it and comparing it with the fading address on the mailbox. “This _is_ the place…”

“Didn’t your uncle go to jail anyway?” quipped Mei.

“Yes,” said Miroku, sternly, “for his _sixth_ DUI. Hachiemon got him off scot-free without as much of a ticket for the first five…”

Mei and I hung out in the parking lot while Miroku consulted with this lawyer. We barely conversed. She was trying so hard, too. I was much more interested in trying to perfect my weak ollie on my skateboard.

Mei’s phone went off, startling me into wrecking and literally face planting as I landed from my third semi-successful ollie.

“ _Goddammit!”_ I pushed myself up on my hands and knees. I could tell my nose was scraped at least a little, along with my right hand, which broke _some_ of the fall.

Thankfully, Miroku joined us shortly after, while Mei walked away to converse with her mother, who was likely not too happy that she was out with Miroku and I on a quest to find a lawyer for him.

“Well?” I looked at Miroku expectantly.

“What happened to you?” he asked. He saw my skateboard leaning against my car. “Nevermind…”

“So is he going to help?” I asked.

“Yes,” answered Miroku. I breathed a sigh of relief. “He thinks he can get it dropped from a felony down to a misdemeanor. He says we could probably build a case in self-defense somehow.”

“Awesome.”

We spent the remainder of our afternoon and evening finding an abandoned hospital to run around in. Miroku had apparently been there many times before with Koga, Ayame, Hakkaku, and Ginta. They went there at night once and supposedly every flashlight they had with them went out as soon as they made it across the courtyard and entered the deeper half of the hospital. We didn’t stay that long this time. I wanted to, but Mei was dangerously close to literally bitching out on us and it was a long drive home. Miroku was hellbent on finding the morgue before we left but I talked him out of it, personally preferring to save that adventure for another time ( _hopefully without Mei…_ ).

We almost made it back to Miroku’s neighborhood without having to stop for gas. Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide” came on at the gas station.

I fell to my knees and wept.

That was Mother’s favorite song.

* * *

I laid in the grass, staring at the blue sky above and watching clouds with Kagura. She laid behind me, also on her back, her head resting next to mine. My right arm was bent, my hand above my head. Kagura reached for it and gently intertwined her fingers with mine. Anxious butterflies flew rampant inside me.

“What are you thinking about, Sango?” asked Kagura, her voice soft and soothing, like a gentle summer breeze.

I was quiet for a moment. My mind was surprisingly blank for once, in a good way. I felt so at ease when I was with Kagura, despite my attraction-driven anxiety. I was comfortable around this girl. We’d only known each other for a little over a month now but I felt like I’ve known her forever.

“I don’t know…” I finally answered. For the first time since my mother passed away, I finally felt somewhat okay overall. Kagura still didn’t know such a tragedy had befallen me so recently. I had a feeling something similar happened to her, as she mentioned a seemingly loving father and a family vacation courtesy of him yet she lived with her grandparents in high school. I never pried. It was none of my business.

“I really liked the food…” I commented absent-mindedly.

Kagura prepared a small picnic for us and we went straight to a park near our work when our shift ended that afternoon. Kagura brought us each a bento box filled with edamame, hiya-yakko, onigiri, and peaches. She was thoughtful enough to bring us each a bottle of water and she picked out a new energy drink just for me to try. I was honored by her thoughtfulness, even though she was unintentionally enabling my ridiculous caffeine addiction.

Our little picnic was the healthiest food I had eaten in a while. My horrible diet primarily consisted of ramen, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and various mostly American-style fast food items. And alcohol and caffeinated beverages, of course. I blamed it all a combination of graduate school and grief. I didn’t have time or money for the healthier meal options I used to treat myself to.

“I’m glad I could prepare a meal for you, Sango,” said Kagura. She rolled over and propped herself up on her elbows in a lazy cobra-like pose. “You deserve to be taken care of.”

“I don’t know about that…” I ran my hand through my long dark hair and redirected my gaze from Kagura’s beautiful face to the sky above. _If I stand too close, I might fall in…_

“What are you doing tomorrow?” she asked.

I just remembered. I was off tomorrow. I was able to secure pre-shift voluntary time off to make sure my homework got done this weekend. The shortened summer semester was drawing to a close and I wanted to continue my streak of straight A’s. But I would honestly rather spend my Saturday with Kagura.

“Nothing, actually,” I answered. I rolled over and adopted a similar position to Kagura. She reached for my hands.

“You want to hang out?” she asked. The girl nervously glanced to the side momentarily. “Like, for the whole day?” She returned her ruby gaze to meet my eyes. I had come to know her as confident enough in herself but I still loved how somehow I evoked an equal nervousness in her. She found me attractive and openly longed for me to an extent, despite our complicated situation.

I was too stupid to chase her away or let her go willingly. I thoroughly enjoyed whatever the hell we were.

“I would love to,” I finally answered her. “It would be nice to spend an entire day with you and not just hang out after work, when we’re all tired and ratchet.” I chuckled at my own words, a warmth gripping my heart when the music of Kagura’s soft giggles met my ears.

“Well then,” she said. “I guess it’s a date.”

_I couldn’t wait to tell Miroku…_


	9. Honorable Mention

I adjusted my tie one final time, staring intently at my reflection in the mirror. The girl staring back at me irradiated confidence, opposite of my inner monologues. She seemed to be laughing at me a little, possibly about to ask me if I’m going to change my ways. I would politely decline with a ‘hell no’ and a middle finger.

Miroku soon appeared behind me, hugging me around the waist and resting his chin on top of my head.

“You look absolutely amazing, Sango!”

I smirked and looked up at him in the mirror. “Thanks, but you’re going to mess up my hair.”

“Sorry, sorry; right, right,” The boy released me and playfully patted me on the head. I shook my head at him, reexamining my reflection to make sure he didn’t tarnish my newfound vanity too badly.

When I told him about the hangout, he insisted I let him come over to help me prepare. He took the voluntary time off today from his work just to come be a bro. Mei was over last night as well and the two were surprisingly cooperative then. I guess they were able to unite over fussing about me and making sure I was prepared for today. Mei’s mother came to get her about two hours ago, though. Mei even gave me a genuine wish of good luck before she departed.

I added the last touch to my look for the day, my usual pink eyeshadow and light eyeliner. I stood back and eyed myself one last time in the mirror, satisfied for once with my appearance. I had no idea what to wear today, thusly, I consulted Miroku; and Mei, by proxy. Mei thought I should go for a more feminine style such my punk skirt and a tank-top. Miroku voted for something more androgynous, predicting that Kagura would likely be the more ‘girly’ of the two of us. I didn’t care; I just wanted to look good enough.

Miroku helped me pick out an outfit. It was actually kind of fun and admittedly endearing that he was so stoked to help me get ready for such an important hangout. He insisted it was a date; but while all signs did point in that direction, I kept my guard up and my hopes down. Miroku rummaged through my closet for what felt like a millennium, before finally setting his sights on a pair of plain blue skinny jeans, a black short-sleeve button shirt, red tie, and my converse. I’d never tied a tie in my life and I was lucky Miroku was there to assist. He actually enjoyed dressing up himself, when the occasion called for it.

I walked out into the living room to see Miroku happily seated on the couch awaiting me.

“What time will she be here?” he asked eagerly.

I checked the time on my phone. “Oof, it’s 11:00… she said 11:30 and messaged me like thirty minutes ago that she left her place…”

“How far away does she live, again?”

“About an hour? Maybe forty-five minutes?” I grew nervous.

“Well, shit,” said Miroku, “I’d better get packing up, then. I don’t want to intrude!” He got up and walked to the corner of the living room where his adventure bag awaited him.

“You don’t have to leave just yet!” I stopped him.

Miroku smiled. “As much as I want to meet her… it’s time for you to do this on your own, my dear.”

I paused and checked my phone again. I found myself listening intently for any signs of anyone even remotely near my front door. “Yeah… you’re probably right…”

Miroku gave me a hug. I returned his embrace, thanking my lucky stars for him. The young man released me and headed for the back door. As he cracked it open, he turned to face me once more, a knowing smile on his face.

“Besides… it’s just a ‘hang out’, right? What are you afraid of?” I offered him a half-smile and got a wink in return. “Text me! Let me know how it goes!” He closed the door and departed, taking the back way out to the parking lot for the neighboring building. I stepped out onto the patio myself, leaning against the doorway with my arms crossed as I watched him walk down the sidewalk past the small pond.

Soon enough, I heard the sounds of Miroku’s small motorcycle start up. He agreed to park in the next lot over in case he overstayed his welcome and had to sneak out the back to avoid Kagura. He insisted on not being seen by her this morning. He wanted the day to be special, for just the two of us. Miroku also insisted that she needn’t know of his (and Mei’s) assistance in helping me prepare. Miroku wanted me to project an aura of confidence, believing with all his might that Kagura would fall for me if I at least pretended to be confident.

I knew she liked my awkwardness, however. I was confident enough, either way. I just tried to be simply me the whole time. So far, I think she liked what she saw.

I began nervously pacing my living room, awaiting Kagura’s arrival. I straightened up knick-knacks, vacuumed again, and walked through the entire apartment one last time to ensure that all was perfect. Mei and Miroku even helped me clean the entire place last night. In my haste, I found myself sweating and quickly went to change my socks and underwear again, despite having showered no less than an hour ago. I hope I didn’t overdo it with the perfume, either.

Just as I was running through the place spraying air freshener again, I heard a knock at my door. I literally dropped the can of air freshener at the sound, genuinely startled. I dropped the damn thing two other times on my way to put it back in the bathroom where it belonged.

Another knock at the door prompted me to quicken my pace. I opened it and there stood Kagura.

“Hey—” I deadpanned and could not help but stare.

_She was a fucking bomb shell._

Kagura stood in my doorway, dressed in a black, thin-strapped rockabilly-style dress that had a pattern of skulls and feathers on it. Her dress exposed her beautiful tattoos quite nicely. She was wearing her usual feather-themed gauges, septum piercing, and had her hair up in a messy bun, an elegant white and maroon feather sticking out of the side. Her makeup was on point with sharp eyeliner that could kill and the right shade of charcoal eyeshadow that brought out her gorgeous ruby eyes. The dark red lipstick was a nice touch, too. Like me, she was also wearing black and white converse.

“Good morning, beautiful,” Kagura greeted me with a shy smile.

I just stood there like a dumbass, mouth slightly agape.

“You gonna invite me in?” asked Kagura.

* * *

I proudly walked around the international market, a handful of candy and novelty snacks filling a basket in one hand, and Kagura hanging on my other arm. We earned a few stares, some in admiration, others displaying concern and even the slightest disdain. But we didn’t care. I was just happy to be spending the day with her. Time was actually moving by at the perfect pace—I felt so in the moment, so _present…_ It was a welcome opposite to my usual existence of daydreaming and essentially watching myself in third person, wishing I was anywhere, anyone else.

We reached the check-out counter and I placed our hefty basket of loot on the line. I turned to Kagura with a smile. She held my hands and her eyes met mine. I felt myself grinning, experiencing a real smile for the first time in ages; the kind of smile that reached my eyes and almost hurt my face.

“You’re so cute,” mused Kagura. “I love your smile.”

I blushed and grinned wider. “Thank you…”

“You look great today, by the way. I love your outfit.” I turned and slowly let go of her hands so I could fish my bank card out of my pocket. I paid, grabbed our bags, grabbed her hand and headed out.

We reached my car and I happily started the playlist I burned for her on a mix CD. Miroku and Mei thought it was the sweetest thing; I was hesitant to actually go through with it, fearing a mix CD would be the cheesiest form of overkill. Miroku approved of each and every song. Mei agreed and then asked Miroku why he never burned her a CD or made a mixtape for her.

“Where are we headed?” asked Kagura. She held my hand as I drove us away from the suburbs and more toward a park that I used to love in high school, closer to where my father lived.

“Someplace special to me,” I answered. “I want you to see this park I used to go to as a child with my parents and little brother.”

“Sounds rad.”

The park was just as beautiful as it was a few years ago, just as serene as it had been during my childhood. There was a small pond that people could actually fish in as long as they released the fish back after they were caught. A small bike path circled the pond and a less-traveled trail veered away through the woods toward the back of the area. A beautiful, regal old purple and white gazebo sat on a slight hill near the edge of the tree-line, overlooking the children’s play area.

Mom used to read to me at the gazebo when I was a very young child. We came here often when she was pregnant with Kohaku. I wished I remembered more of it. I just remembered her pushing me on the swing, Father chasing me around the slides and jungle gyms, and Mother reading to me at the end of my little adventures; and I would fall asleep against her under the shelter of the gazebo.

Kagura and I traversed both paths, exploring the entire park. She seemed to have an appreciation for nature’s beauty; the girl stopped often to watch the birds in the trees and read the plaques along the nature trail that explained the species and history of the fauna and flora of the little park. It was such a beautiful day out—almost too perfect. Baby blue skies and small, white clouds. The temperature was a little hot for my liking, but I could not complain, really.

Kagura had fallen behind at one point, admiring a rather unique tree just off the back path. That tree had been there since I was little and likely has existed for at least a hundred years or more. It was a massive oak tree that was hollowed out in the middle and big enough for a few children or even two or three adults to comfortably stand within. I turned to find Kagura stopping to take a photograph of the tree. She even brought an actual camera with her, I noticed. I could appreciate that.

“You like the tree?” I walked up beside her.

“It’s huge!” She had to back up and tilt her head all the way back to even attempt to see the higher branches above.

“You wanna check it out?” I asked.

“What?”

“Come on!” I grabbed her hand. “You can go inside, actually.” I led her into the tree through a hole a bit shorter than us, on the other side.

“This is pretty rad!” commented Kagura. I looked up, as did she. Light was visible through the top.

Various carvings of names, symbols, dates, and such surrounded us on the ancient oak, like tattoos on its being. I took note of a few, trying to find the mark my father had left about fifteen years ago.

“There!” I said aloud, crouching down to get a better look. Kagura turned on her phone’s flashlight to help.

“Hmm?” She crouched beside me.

I traced an old carving with my index finger and turned to Kagura with a smile on my face. “My father carved mine, his, and Kohaku’s names here when I was eight. I’m surprised it’s all still here.”

“That’s sweet, Sango,” she commented in a soft voice.

“Yeah…” I stood up, admiring the work of others telling tales on this tree’s insides. Kagura mirrored my action.

Kagura took in the tree’s small murals and then turned to me. “Would you… want to add to it?” Her words were quiet, almost shy.

“S-sure…” I stammered. I reached into my back pocket and produced my switchblade.

Kagura laughed. “You’re such a badass.”

“Sorry?” I apologized, unsure how to take her comment.

She smiled and gently brushed her hand against my shoulder. “Don’t be. You’re like _The Outsiders_ meets _The Breakfast Club_ with a dash of 2000s Green Day.”

I blushed and took that as a compliment. Better than the unholy union of _A Clockwork Orange_ and _Clerks_ that I always saw myself belonging in. Or perhaps _SLC Punk…_ Miroku was probably Heroin Bob, let’s be real…

“I can be the Ponyboy to your Cherry Valance, if you’d only let me,” I commented back with more confidence than I had intended. It felt good. I smirked as I carved our names into the tree at eye level.

_‘Sango Taijiya & Kagura Kaze’_

“Nice.” Kagura gazed at my handiwork, seemingly satisfied. “You forgot something, though.” She took the knife from my hand and, to my astonishment, carved a heart around our names then added today’s date. “Better.” She handed me my knife back.

Soon enough, we left the tree and walked the remainder of the trail back to the main park. We stopped at a picnic table to rest and hydrate. I was honestly too anxious to eat, too focused on spending time with Kagura and savoring every moment. I couldn’t believe how well the day was going so far. This kind of thing didn’t happen to me…

As I was going to stand up, Kagura stood a few paces away, her camera raised.

“Why, though?” I protested. I usually didn’t like getting my picture taken.

“Just shut up and let me take a picture of you,” laughed Kagura. I rolled my eyes. “Strike a pose!”

I put one hand on my hip and leaned slightly to that side and held my other hand up in a fist in Kagura’s direction. I smirked and slowly raised a middle finger. She took the picture and lowered the camera, a teasing grin on her face.

“Dashing, my darling.” Kagura came up beside me and showed me the photo.

 _Not bad…_ She turned her head to look at me. I noticed the way the sunlight hit her eyes, it made them look as though the smallest flecks of gold were present in her ruby irises. _Beautiful…_

“Want to take a picture together?” asked Kagura.

“Sure.” I put my arm around her and she snapped the photo.

* * *

The day was nearing an end now, the sun was nearly set. The day had continued to go by at the perfect pace and I cherished every moment. I drove us all over the countryside, showing her all my old hideouts and memorable landmarks. We even drove past my father’s house, but didn’t stop by. _Too soon…_

“I had such a great day with you, Sango,” said Kagura. I felt her hand on my thigh and my heart almost jumped out of my chest.

“Same,” was all I could manage, thankful for the shadows casted around me as darkness fell, so as to hide my embarrassment. We cruised through my hometown, past the gas station and old school grounds, the building long since demolished and replaced by another useless soccer field or three. The melody of The Used played tastefully in the background.

“What time do you need to go home by?” I asked. _Please don’t…_

“Meh, doesn’t matter, really,” said Kagura. “I have nothing going on tomorrow…”

“Well…” _Take her to the archery range._ “Wanna go on one more adventure?”

“With you?” Kagura’s hand relocated to mine and she gave it a small squeeze. “Always.”

We laid at the top of one of the wooden stands in the archery range, gazing at the stars. Kagura never failed to amaze me. She knew nearly every constellation and was even able to tell me the names of a few stars. She loved astronomy, I learned. I too was interested in space. The heavens always made me feel so awestruck and inspired but also reminded me of my humble mortality and small existence in this world. It was bittersweet sometimes.

Kagura broke the silence. “If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?”

I adjusted my position, stretching and sitting straight up with my back against the wooden railing behind me. “Hmm… I think I would maybe go back to Canada.” Memories of Miroku, Kikyo, Abi, and I drunkenly meandering the streets flashed through my consciousness and I smiled. “Definitely Vancouver… it was such a great experience. Very diverse, multicultural and interesting… beautiful…” _I wish you could see it someday…_ “What about you? Where would you go?”

Kagura was quiet for a moment. She looked up at the stars, deep in thought. “I think it would be cool to go to Paris… The architecture and the culture, the history…”

“What’s the farthest you’ve ever been?” I asked.

“Probably Kyoto…” Kagura turned to look at me. “I can’t believe you’ve been out of the country. Twice.”

“Heh, yeah… lucky, I guess. Never planned on it, to be honest with you…” I turned my attention back to the stars above.

“Some of the best things in life are unplanned, Sango…” I could feel her gaze on me. I turned and our eyes met. The moonlight shone down on Kagura, giving her an illusory, ethereal appearance. I suddenly felt the girl’s hand on top of mine. She leaned toward me and I felt my heartrate increase tenfold.

“It’s like you, I guess…” I couldn’t help my words; she had me under a spell that was lowering my guard and dissipating the weak filter I had.

“How so?” asked Kagura. She moved closer to me so that our legs were touching and her other hand was now on my arm.

 _She’s got a boyfriend anyway…_ “You…” My mind went blank and my mouth was dry. “I never thought you’d even give me the light of the day…”

I shuddered as Kagura placed her hand on the side of my face. “What makes you say that?” She looked surprised, almost sad.

“Well…” I nervously rubbed the back of my neck and began looking anywhere but at her. “It’s so stupid, really…”

“What?” The girl took both my hands in hers, her touch gentle and soothing.

“Pretty girls don’t like me, Kagura…” I felt my face redden. “Handsome boys don’t like me either… not like that, anyway…” _Or I just don’t like them…_ I thought of Jou… _He’s nice enough, he’s handsome as hell…_

Kagura offered me a shy smile and brushed my hair out of my face. “Well, they’re all missing out. You’re so wonderful and you don’t even realize it…” Without warning, she pulled me into her lap so that I was straddling her hips and facing her. Her hands rested on my sides, my hands on her shoulders. I think surely I almost died.

“Move a little closer… what are you afraid of?”

I half-expected her to kiss me, with the emotion brewing in her beautiful ruby eyes and the obvious tension between us. Instead, she pulled me into the softest, most comforting embrace and leaned us both back. We watched the stars for what felt like hours; I prayed for a shooting one that never came. She would be my gravest wish on the first comet I’d see that night. We felt too perfect.

In a perfect world, she would meet me in outer space and we would watch the Earth exist and the sun wake up. We would wave at Halley’s comet and dance with the man in the moon. The planets would bend between us because she would be some type of celestial goddess and I would be the brave astronaut, as lonely as Laika… I prayed she was a gift from the heavens and wondered if I even had a chance to be her Polaris someday.

* * *

_03:35. Probably time to go…_

I sat up; Kagura protested a little, judging by the soft caress of her hand on my arm, lightly trying to pull me back down beside her.

“It’s almost four in the morning,” I noticed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for us to be out this late.”

Kagura sat up and stretched. She checked the time on her phone. “Oh. And so it is.” She turned to me. “I don’t mind. It was time well spent—time with you.”

I smiled. “Well, let’s get going, I suppose.”

We walked back to the car. I didn’t realize how tired I was until we got there and I sat in the driver’s seat. I was exhausted; the rush of the day’s adventures was finally catching up with me.

“You look tired,” observed Kagura.

“Meh, I’ll make it…” I turned the keys in the ignition and started the car. “You underestimate me, dear. I am in _graduate school_ and I work in a warehouse. All-nighters don’t even phase me anymore!” I laughed at my own self-depreciating humor.

Kagura rolled her eyes and chuckled lightly. “I am aware, Sango… let me drive? I don’t mind.”

I was startled awake briefly by her offer. “Huh? Are you sure?” _I hope she’s not scared of my driving…_

“I don’t mind at all,” she said. “You work hard enough as it is; I can drive us back to your place, if you trust me?”

Of course I trusted her! She was a much better driver than me… and most of my friends… “Fine. Have at it. Permission granted.”

We traded seats and she drove us back to my apartment.

* * *

It was already 04:15 by the time we got back to my humble abode. Kagura seemed rather tired herself by then. I was on the fence about offering for her to crash at my place. I really did not have an ulterior motive, but the idea scared the hell out of me. _But her safety comes first…_

“Hey, Kagura?” I began, slowly, carefully.

“Yeah?”

I sat next to her on the couch. “It’s pretty late and you seem tired now… you can crash here if you want…”

Kagura was silent for a moment, adding to my anxiety. “That may actually be a good idea. Thank you.”

I smiled and nodded. “No problem!”

I went back to my room to get a spare set of sleeping clothes for her. She was roughly my size, just a little taller. When I got back to the living room, I handed Kagura the clothing and waited patiently while she changed. I almost wanted to go for Koga’s bottle of bourbon that he left in my liquor cabinet, but decided against it. I was not so sure I needed the liquid courage this time. Instead, I took the time to get the spare blankets and pillows out of the hall closet and bring them to the couch.

Kagura returned shortly to the living room. I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her wearing my clothes. “What are you doing?” she asked.

I finished spreading out the blanket over the couch. “Oh, I figured I could take the couch and you could have the bed. You are the guest after all.”

The girl frowned at me. “I’m not making you take the couch in your own home!”

“Well…” I nervously rubbed my hands together. “What do you suggest, then?”

I swear I felt her confidence waver for a second or two. Kagura’s red eyes widened momentarily and she averted her gaze to the pond out back, visible through the back windows. “…No reason we can’t both share the bed…? If that’s okay with you, that is!”

 _Heh… she’s cute when she’s the nervous one for once._ The slightest hint of a blush appeared on her pale cheeks.

“Okay… if you don’t mind, that is,” I said.

I could practically _hear_ Miroku’s nonsense and envision the suggestive grin on his face.

* * *

We sat on my bed, both near delirious, yet still talking. I feel like I could talk to Kagura forever and never get bored. I also felt like we could make an adventure out of anything. It was quite nice.

I discovered that she wasn’t as much of a “good kid” as I originally hypothesized. Granted, she had actually never done any drugs and her friends didn’t have criminal records like some of mine did, but she wasn’t exactly sweet and innocent. Apparently in high school, she had a reputation for being the quiet, nerdy kid who turned into a heartbreaker of sorts. She was sent to a private school for her sophomore and junior years in high school on request of her grandparents due to them fearing that she was falling in with the wrong crowd—meaning, dating Suikotsu, who was older and known as a rebel. Kagura then got kicked out of private school during the middle of her junior year for throwing her main bully through a glass door and down the front steps of the school.

During her senior year in high school, she began chasing after Bankotsu. To get his attention, she committed numerous acts of jackassery. The first being dating Renkotsu to make him jealous, although she did admit to crushing on him as well. But Renkotsu turned out to be a horrible boyfriend and actually cheated on her. Kagura apparently got her revenge on him by walking up to him in the middle of the lunch room and smashing a pie tin filled with shaving cream into his face and then pantsing him in front of everyone. She was suspended for two weeks as a result and ended up catching Bankotsu’s eye.

Like me, it sounded like Bankotsu was drawn to the strange and unusual and he had a wild streak as well. He had a problem with smoking spice throughout high school and was suspended himself for multiple outbursts, albeit most of them harmless. By the end of Kagura’s senior year, she had won Bankotsu over and for their first ‘date’, they enacted the most infamous senior pranks their school had ever known: filled every toilet with jello mix, toilet papered the school, put Vaseline on every handrail in every stairwell, and released three pigs numbered 1, 2, and 4, into the building.

They still didn’t have shit on me, though. I was nearly expelled for lighting off firecrackers in a hallway and then running through the building with a fire extinguisher. Miroku and Koga had dropped cherry bombs in the toilets at their school, apparently. And Inuyasha took apart the shop teacher’s entire car and rebuilt it in the classroom. Kagome was a good kid.

Needless to say, in Kagura’s case, her pranks won Bankotsu’s heart but had gotten her kicked out of her grandparents’ house, in addition to them finding out she was dating such a hoodlum. Fast-forwarding to present day shenanigans… I hesitantly told Kagura about bailing Miroku out of jail. She wasn’t even mad and showed no signs of backing away. She told me I was a good friend and that Miroku sounds like he was worth it.

Eventually, our conversation took a melancholic turn.

“What’s this?” asked Kagura, motioning toward a folded and well-decorated poster board I kept safe between my dresser and the wall. _That…_

A wave of unanticipated sadness washed over me.

I took a deep breath, well aware of the heavy feeling that just settled into my chest. “That’s… from my mother’s memorial…”

“Oh…” said Kagura. She was quiet for a few moments. “Sango, I’m so sorry…”

A cascade of emotions welled up from within me and threatened to erupt like a very unstable volcano. I didn’t want to cry in front of her but the tears slowly came. Tears that I had managed to keep in check for the most part since Mom died…

“Sango…”

“She—she just died… back in April…” I sobbed, unable to stop myself. _Stupid… weak…_ I hugged my knees to my chest and looked away from Kagura, distraught and slightly embarrassed for losing my composure. “I’m sorry—I know you must think—I don’t want to cry in front of—”

I suddenly felt Kagura’s arms around me, in a firm yet gentle embrace. She pulled me against her and I cried into her shoulder. This was the first time since the memorial that I let myself really feel…

Kagura rested her chin on top of my head and ran her hand through my hair. “I’m sorry, Sango… I shouldn’t have asked…”

“No,” I sniffled, “don’t apologize… death is just… a part of life…”

We were quiet for what felt like an eternity. I grew comfortable in Kagura’s embrace, letting her warmth and the floral scent of her perfume calm me.

“Were you two close?” Kagura finally broke the silence.

“Yes…”

“… will you tell me about her?” Kagura asked softly.

I turned and opened the poster board, displaying numerous designs, photographs, poems and lyrics, all in my mother’s memory. “She was my best friend. She wasn’t always, though…” I focused on the one photo on there of Mother, Father, Kohaku, and I, taken when Kohaku was barely old enough to walk.

“Mother got sick after she had Kohaku, my little brother. She struggled with mental illness her whole life and ended up with severe post-partum depression shortly after Kohaku was born. She recovered from it but had a psychotic break on Kohaku’s second birthday. She was never the same after. Mother was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and Father tried to take care of her and us. He said he came home one night after work and Mother was pacing in the apartment stairwell. She couldn’t get the ‘correct’ number of stairs. Apparently, she accidentally dosed me with sleeping medication and had basically neglected Kohaku the entire day.”

“Dad left her after that and raised Kohaku and I mostly by himself. We have a stepmother, but that’s been an interesting story all on its own. Kohaku always resented our mother for not being able to take care of us, especially him. He didn’t get along with our stepmother at all; but she tried. And Mom tried to apologize and bridge the gap between herself and Kohaku for years. I was mad at her, too, when I was a teenager and learned why she was never around. But, I forgave her. She became my best friend when I reached adulthood.”

I looked to the most recent photo of myself and Mother, taken about a month before she died. “I always told Mom all the terrible things I knew I couldn’t tell Dad,” I laughed. “She was every drunk phone call, she had to hear all my tales of misadventures with Miroku… she knows the real reason I broke my hand last summer, almost knocking out Kohaku’s crazy girlfriend at the time…”

“It sounds like you two had an awesome relationship after all,” said Kagura. “Your face just lights up when you talk about her. She sounds like she was a pretty amazing person, regardless of her flaws.”

“Yeah,” I smiled and wiped my eyes. Kagura held me tighter. “Kohaku never got his own closure… I am sorry for him and for her, in that aspect… but I am thankful for the memories I have with her.” I fought the urge not to burst into tears again. “Kagura, I’d kill for just one more day… If I’d have known… I would have spent more time with her…”

Kagura pulled me closer. “I know you would, dear. And I’m sure she knows it as well.”

“It’s not the same… sometimes I forget she’s gone,” I confessed quietly. “I’ll come home from work or school and actually have a good day and think, ‘I can’t wait to tell Mom’, and then I call her number… and it’s disconnected… Or, I’ll pick up the phone and it will hit me that she won’t answer ever again; that she’s gone…”

I took a deep breath and voiced aloud one of my darkest thoughts and greatest fears. “I just don’t want the world to forget her… and I don’t want to forget her voice…” I let myself hold on to Kagura, deciding that she chose her fate as my comfort for the time being. Still, I detested showing my vulnerability. “I just want to make her proud…”

“I’m sure you do, Sango,” said Kagura. “You’re a wonderful person. She knew that and I’m positive she continues to acknowledge that. And as for anyone forgetting her—I don’t think they will. Not if she was as kind and caring, as remarkable and genuine, as you.”

I smiled. “Thank you.”

I learned that Kagura had also lost her mother, when she was only twelve years old. Car crash. It was ruled an accident but Kagura wonders to this day… there were no other cars and Kaguya’s car was found wrapped around a tree near a straight-way road. Kaguya had Kagura when she was young, only sixteen. Her life was full of turmoil; drugs and drinking, numerous and sketchy boyfriends.

Kagura’s father, Naraku, was also young when she was born. He was only fifteen. He got scared and disappeared soon after Kagura’s birth. Hence, she was basically raised by her maternal grandparents. Kagura has since made peace with her father. He re-entered her life when she was seventeen and she found out then that she had two younger half-siblings from him: a sister, Kanna, who was seven years younger, and a brother, Hakudoshi, ten years younger. Most recently, she now had a six-year old half-brother, too: Akago. Kagura says their mother, Urasue, is very nice. And Naraku is now an adjunct professor at the community college I used to go to. Small world.

I was happy that she had a good relationship with her father, stepmother, and half-siblings, all things considered. Naraku apparently wanted to be her father, but knew it was too late now. But he still tried nonetheless. Kagura said he tries to look out for her and visibly cringes when she tells him some of her stories. But she was already so used to not having him around… It made me thankful for my own father. He didn’t have to keep Kohaku and me but he wanted to.

Around 06:00, I found myself finally drifting off to sleep, in the safety of Kagura’s embrace.


	10. Headfirst for Halos

‘ _Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge’, ‘The Black Parade’, ‘From Under the Cork Tree’—the fuck?_ “Found it!” I pulled the used CD out of the assortment of My Chemical Romance—and apparently accidental Fall Out Boy—albums.

“Lucky; that’s out of print,” commented Kagura as she walked up behind me and put her arms around my waist and rested her chin on my shoulder. I felt a blush creeping up and my heart began to beat quickly within my chest.

It was the little things.

And Bankotsu be damned.

I was happy, at least. And somehow, I think I made her happy, too.

We exited the music store, hand in hand, and began our walk through the shopping mall. This one was still bustling with life and not just dimming lights, as opposed to the mall Miroku and I usually went to. We went there to do hoodrat shit. Kagura and I were here for a pseudo-date and to shop.

She bought me a guitar pick necklace and a new hoodie. I didn’t expect such kindness from her. Kagura said I looked good and she didn’t want me to get cold this fall and winter. She’s very kind that way.

To me, at least.

Only hours ago, we were skating the back parking lot and I watched Kagura shove Renkotsu off his board for making a crack at her rusty skate skills. It was the same thing I would expect of myself and Miroku. I think she was mostly mad at his comment because he said Bankotsu was better than her at skateboarding. Things were apparently nonexistent between the two of them at the moment. Kagura had already moved most of her stuff to her paternal grandmother’s house, where she would be staying for the upcoming school year. Renkotsu helped her and they randomly hit me up to be mall rats for the evening.

Until the rent-a-cop chased us away, that is.

Renkotsu dipped at that and Kagura stuck her tongue out as the wanna-be bacon drove away in his golf cart. I grabbed her hand and walked her back to our cars so we could stow away our skateboards and go be the best kids inside the mall instead of skating the property like a pair of degenerates. Kagura said she wanted to graffiti the back of the building. I just laughed, knowing she would probably never do it.

She fucking did it.

I was impressed.

A quickly-drawn, but no less beautiful maroon, white, and black mural now graced the back of the mall near my apartment. Fireworks, fire, feathers, and our initials in English and some curses in the most gorgeously-crafted kanji I’d ever seen.

And now we sat in the food court enjoying our cheap dinner date.

“I don’t want to go home,” said Kagura. She lost interest in her meal and was now resting her elbow on the table and cupping the side of her face in her hand. Her ruby eyes scanned the area, seemingly admiring the architecture.

“You’re not going home,” I said. “Are you? I thought you were going straight to your dad’s from here.”

“I am…” Kagura sighed. “But I still don’t want to go.”

“Why not?” I asked. “A beach vacation sounds pretty awesome to me. Wish I could go.”

Kagura smiled. “I wish you could, too.”

I smiled back at her. _That would be quite amazing…_ I briefly imagined walking along the coastline with Kagura, holding her hand, watching the sunset…

“Sango?”

“Hmm?”

“You okay?” Kagura gently took my hands in hers.

“Yeah, I’m good, just spaced for a moment…” I nervously averted my gaze to the cheesy dragonfly theme above us. “…I do that sometimes.”

Kagura chuckled. “I know. It’s cute.” She stood up and offered me her hand. “You always look like there’s something on your mind. Like you’re always creating something, always forming some kind of idea, or plan.”

“I wouldn’t go that far…” I allowed the older girl to help me up and we threw away our trash and began our final trip around the building. “I have trouble expressing myself sometimes…” I admitted quietly.

She was not wrong, though. I _was_ always thinking. I was a woman of few words most of the time, preferring to observe and only throw in my two cents when I deemed it to be valuable. What was I thinking of? Usually music, books, movies, games, travel… on good days. I thought of Kagura often. I thought of her smile and her pretty eyes. I thought of our conversations and how I was beginning to love the way her voice sounds, the way her hands feel, the serendipitous comfort I found in her embraces and the flutter of anxious butterflies in my chest at the slightest accidental touch.

Soon enough, we concluded our adventure for the day. I walked the lady to her car, a few rows away from mine. We awkwardly stood before one another. Kagura was ever so slightly wringing her hands together. I had my own shoved deep into my pants pockets.

_She’ll only be gone a week…_

At least finals will be over in a few days and I’ll have another basement show to look forward to.

“Have fun on your little family adventure,” I offered with a half-smile.

“I’m sure it won’t be too bad,” said Kagura. She put her hands on my waist and pulled me a little closer to her.

My heartrate quickened, as per my usual raging hormones and crippling anxiety. I reciprocated in my own awkward way and rested my hands on Kagura’s shoulders. A cool summer breeze passed us and wafted the distinct scent of her perfume to my senses. That alone was already becoming like a drug to me. Kagura both comforted and frightened me at the same time. I felt too safe with her, in such an unsafe and stupid situation.

 _I’ll miss you…_ I didn’t dare speak it aloud. I kept myself in check with her as much as I could. The lines were very blurred between Kagura and Bankotsu… and Kagura and myself. My heart could be in dangerous territory before too long. But I was too happy in the moment to care. _There’s just something about her…_

“I’ll miss you, Sango,” Kagura said in a soft voice. My eyes met hers. There was an honesty and vulnerability in her gaze that cracked the guard I put up around myself.

“I’ll miss you, too,” I admitted. “But it’s only a week. Enjoy the time with your family.” I managed a weak smile.

“Yeah…” Kagura looked off toward the setting sun. “Dad’s really trying… I’m taking him up on all his offers.” She turned back to me. “You know, I _was_ going to ask you to come with me...” I almost died of happiness, a little. “Dad wants it to be a family thing, though. But, he _does_ want to meet you sometime. My stepmother does, too.”

_Oh? She’s told her family about me?_

“Well…” I wasn’t sure how to react to that… I liked to think I was the kind of person someone could bring home to their parents, but still… “It would be an honor to meet your parents sometime, Kagura.”

A real smile took over her features. The kind of genuine smile that reaches one’s eyes. The taller girl surprised me with a crushing hug and I was briefly drunk on her presence. I returned the embrace, laughing a little into her shoulder.

“That would be rad!” Kagura pulled back, her hands once again resting on my hips. “They already like you.”

“Oh gods, what all have you told them?” I asked, chuckling nervously.

“Well…” Kagura leaned back against her car, pulling me with her a little. “They know you’re in a Master’s program. That got my father’s interest. He thinks it’s really cool that you are thinking of becoming a professor someday. He looked worried when I told him I met you at the ShipHole, though.”

We both laughed at that last part. That place seemed to be a cesspool, in terms of people finding one another there, spawning either love or loss. Or some ungodly amalgamation of both. I carefully let my guard down a bit further and leaned against Kagura. She protectively put her arms around me, holding me close. I could feel her heartbeat against mine, nearly in complete sync. I inferred that she, too, was at least a little nervous, despite not showing it.

I wasn’t used to human contact. I wasn’t used to comfort. I came from a military family; while we were very loving, we were not the best at expressing physical emotions. My mother and Kohaku were the anomalies and both very expressive, though. Kohaku was sensitive and Mother was more touchy-feely. I was unintentionally reserved, stoic, and stone, like Father. I grew up being ‘one of the boys’ and even my current friend group was not very physically affectionate (aside from Miroku and his wandering hands).

But, this was nice. Unique and new to me. A different kind of comfort than the rare hug from my father or a drunken embrace from Miroku or Kagome.

Our moment of peace was finally interrupted when Kagura announced she had to leave soon. I could tell she didn’t want to. We ended our night together with a tight embrace and she left me love-drunk in the mall parking lot. I could still feel her soft lips against my cheek.

* * *

The tension between the three of us—mostly the two of them—was getting unbearable. I could feel my own anxiety reaching a boiling point. Another dead mall arcade adventure with Miroku and a very bitchy Mei. This time, she didn’t call her mother to come rescue her after she left us. Instead, she called Miroku to tell him she was about to walk into oncoming traffic… after she ignored and hung up on both of our phone calls for ten minutes straight.

I was already in a bad mood to begin with today. Their bullshit was just the unfortunate cherry on top.

I woke up far too early for my liking on my day off due to the first nightmare I’d experienced in while—probably since I met Kagura—about my mother. I had to relive her dying over and over… I couldn’t get back to sleep immediately so I tried to start my day with a mimosa. And ended up passing out on my couch and spilling the second mimosa all over myself in my sleep.

That time, sleep yielded a terrible temptress of a dream for me. I dreamt of having sex with Kagura. It was a very vivid dream. Vivid enough that I made a third mimosa and then immediately took a cold shower afterward. And then drank a whole pot of coffee and sampled three and a half cigarettes from the stale pack Miroku left at my place from the last time he was over.

By then, it was noon and Miroku had contacted me about hanging out. I obliged, completely blind to the fact that he would be arriving via Mei’s mother’s car, with Mei. I should have taken another shot before we left.

We rescued Mei from walking into the traffic. It was an entire scene, to say the least. Somewhere between us following her across the many derelict parking lots surrounding the rotting corpse of capitalism via my car and then parking and chasing her on foot---and attracting many eyes---I lost my shit.

Mei slapped Miroku in the face when he came up to her, apologizing, and then she turned and ran from him… in the middle of an upper-class restaurant parking lot. And it was packed. Miroku gave chase, as did I. And I gave up when she made a beeline for the busy intersection and Miroku was pleading with her to calm the fuck down and stop causing a scene.

I came to, I don’t know how much longer later, my knuckles bloody, my right thigh bruised and sore, and the faintest scratch of unintelligible whispering in the back of my mind, just out of reach of my own hearing.

Miroku drove us home to my place. He seemed to completely forget the fuming and volatile Mei in my backseat, in favor of me. I don’t know why he was so worried. _I_ wasn’t about to walk into an intersection all the while cursing out my boyfriend and his best friend.

Then again, I haven’t had an episode in years. Since I was nineteen.

Miroku was the only other person who knew, aside from my parents, Kohaku, and Yura, the ex-friend of mine and current gas station attendant.

The whispering was quieter, now that I was home, safe, in my apartment. My comfort zone.

Miroku and I sat on the bathroom floor while he tended to my bloodied hands.

“Sango…” Miroku said my name quietly. “I’m sorry…”

“What for?”

Miroku sighed. “I made you do this…”

“No…” _I did it… even if I don’t remember… and unfortunately, you are dating the catalyst for all this, who is currently simmering in my living room…_

“There.” Miroku finished bandaging my dominant hand. “Better?” I nodded, expressionless. “Good. Let’s go have a drink or a smoke, yes?” I nodded once more. Miroku stood up first and held out his hand. I allowed him to help me to my feet.

I must have gotten up too fast; dizziness caught hold of me, along with Miroku.

“Sango?”

I closed my eyes and held onto him for dear life. I didn’t feel real at the moment. Miroku was the only thing grounding me to the present.

The bathroom door opened.

“What the _fuck_ are you two doing?!” Mei screeched.

I opened my eyes and Miroku and I turned to face her.

“Not a _damn_ thing, Mei!” Miroku yelled back. His voice echoed in the small room and in my head.

“Miroku, you’ve done nothing but fucking be up her ass since we left the goddamn mall!” Mei shouted.

I wrestled out of Miroku’s loosening hold and shoved past the two of them, angrily stomping around the corner and down the short hallway, through the living room, and straight to the kitchen, where I went immediately for Koga’s leftover bourbon in my liquor cabinet. I smacked the ready shot glass off the counter and drank straight from the bottle.

I was back. Unfortunately.

The whispers were gone, replaced by a fiery ball of anger, igniting in my chest. I could hear Mei and Miroku shouting at each other from the bathroom, still. I took another, larger gulp of the burning liquor.

Miroku soon came around the corner, covering his ears with his hands, his face red with anger and embarrassment, as Mei followed him and loudly berated him. I wanted no part in this, at all.

They stopped in the middle of the living room and Miroku spun around to face her.

“Mei! Can you _please_ just shut the fuck up and drop it?! Everything’s about you! All the damn time! You never leave me alone! And you never trust me!”

“How the hell can I trust _you,_ you fucking lecher?! You hit on anything that moves! You’re always drunk or fucked up! And you’re best friends with _a girl!_ ” Mei gestured toward me and I scowled back at her, angrily raising an eyebrow. I gripped the neck of the bourbon bottle with one hand and grabbed the edge of the counter with the other.

“Mei—”

“You’ve probably been fucking her the entire time we’ve been together! I know she used to like you!”

“No--! Mei—” Miroku put his hands on her shoulders, seemingly trying to hold her back.

And then Mei swung at Miroku. And she hit him. Hard. In the jaw.

“ _Fuck you, Miroku!”_ Mei then shoved him backwards, into my giant television set.

I could care less about the TV.

Something snapped inside of me.

“ _HEY!”_ I shouted; my voice felt coarse. “ _DON’T YOU FUCKING SHOVE HIM!_ ” Not in my house, bitch.

I stomped over to Mei and Miroku and before I could even fathom what the hell I was doing, I swung the half-empty bottle of bourbon at the side of Mei’s head. The bottle shattered and alcohol spritzed the room, coating my carpet and coffee table. Mei stumbled and nearly fell over. I caught her and slapped her in the face.

“ _What the fuck, Sango?!”_

I grabbed Mei by the front of her shirt and slammed her into the wall. “ _Don’t you ‘what the fuck’ me, you piece of shit!”_ She was slightly bigger than me and she struggled but I didn’t let up. I slammed her against the wall once more and held my face mere centimeters from hers. _I was pissed._

“If you _ever_ lay your hands on Miroku again, _I will fucking kill you, you got it?_ ” I gritted my teeth and stared straight into Mei’s empty, dark eyes until I could see the smallest sliver of fear.

“Sango—” started Miroku.

I looked over my shoulder at him, still not releasing my hold on Mei. “No, Miroku. Fuck this shit!”

Mei broke my hold and shoved me back, slapping me in the face before she did so. I stumbled back and she went for Miroku once more, flailing her fists at him. The young man held his arms up in defense. I sprung to action and put my arms around Mei’s waist, pulling her away from Miroku and throwing her to the floor. I kicked her once then picked her up by the back of her shirt and a belt loop on her pants.

“You are NOT welcome in my house, Mei! _Ever again!_ ” I drug her to the front door, opened it and shoved her out, adding a literal kick in the ass for good measure.

Before I could lock the door, Mei forced it open once more.

“Fuck you guys! I’m fucking calling my mom and then I’m calling the cops!”

I shoved the door shut, catching her upper body with it. Her ugly head was still in my doorway.

“ _Call the motherfucking cops, then, you tweaking bitch! You’re_ the one who assaulted Miroku! And _now_ you’re _trespassing_ in _my_ home! Get the fuck out!” I shoved her face and the rest of her out the front door, slammed it shut, and locked it behind me. My heart was pounding in my chest; I began taking deep breaths to calm myself.

I slumped against the door and could hear Mei cursing us from behind it. I felt her kick the door once or twice and I angrily slammed my fist against it myself.

Miroku cautiously approached me from down the hall.

“ _Sango…._?”

I glared at him. I was honestly a little angry with him for bringing this psychopath into my home and into my life. Into _his_ life. He was worth so much more than this. He could do _so much better_ than someone like her…

_I wish Kagura was here._

Sooner than I expected, but no less welcomed it, Mei stopped beating on my front door and cursing, signaling that her mother had finally come to pick her up. I never left my post at the front door. My best friend just stood before me the entire time, a petrified and somewhat broken look on his handsome face.

I looked up at him. “Miroku,” I breathed, “ _Please_ tell me you’ll break up with her.” I couldn’t hold his gaze for too long. I saw the tears in his eyes and I was done. I didn’t want to cry, too. “Miroku…” I steadied my voice as best as I could, “She’s not a good person. You’ve known that for a while… we _all_ have…”

Miroku leaned against the hallway wall and slumped to the floor perpendicular to me. He stared straight ahead at the coat closet, his dark blue eyes transfixed on the faux wood.

“Miroku, _please…_ She doesn’t deserve you…”

Miroku turned away from me, curled into himself.

“ _Miroku…_ ” I crawled over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He visibly flinched. My heart broke.

“I’ll do it…” he mumbled. Miroku looked at me over his shoulder, tears in his eyes. “I’ll do it. I’ll break up with her.”

“You better.” I couldn’t hide the bitterness in my voice. “Miroku, _why? Why_ did you stay with her for so long?! She fucking _hit_ you!”

Miroku was quiet for a moment. He wouldn’t look at me.

Several minutes of painful silence later, he finally spoke up. “Sango, it’s because I don’t want to be alone.”

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Not just the words themselves but the way he said it. I let the weight of his confession sink in for a moment and then scooted closer to him. I put my arm around his shoulders.

“Miroku…” He actually leaned against me and started to audibly cry. I reached across him and grabbed his hand. “You’re not alone… and you won’t be… You have me, and the boys, and Ayame, and Kagome---”

“Yes, but it’s not the same!” sobbed Miroku. “I love you all! With all my heart! But—”

“It’s not the same…” It made a lot more sense when I said it. I felt the exact same way.

_Kagura’s face flashed before my eyes, with her perfect smile and that playful glint in her gorgeous red irises…_

_She’s not mine._

“I love you, Miroku.” I pulled the sobbing boy close.

“I love you, too, Sango.” But not like that.

We had our chance…

And now we were just two lonely ships, sailing past one another in the night.

Two years ago, I would have killed for a chance to share a bed with him. And by now, we had shared a bed, many times. Innocent cuddles and shitty jokes. Philosophical and drunken discussions. Any semblance of a could-have-been romance between us has since sifted to dust. We slept together, yes, but like brothers on a hotel bed.

I loved my best friend. My male best friend and first real crush. And I loved him as a best friend. And I cried with him for at least an hour that evening.

* * *

I was sober now, but Miroku was not. I allowed him to wallow in his sorrows and attempt to mend his broken heart with the remainder of the organic vodka we had purchased roughly three parties ago. It was all gone now.

“You _need_ to do it, Miroku!” I stood before him as he sat on my couch, cell phone in one hand, empty vodka bottle in the other. “It’s better to rip the bandage off!”

“But…” Miroku looked up to me. “What if she screams at me again?”

I rolled my eyes. “ _Fuck her,_ Miroku! Dump her ass and be done with it!” He opened his mouth in protest but I was quick to cut him off. “And if she doesn’t answer or hangs up on you, leave her a voicemail and a text!”

I snatched the empty bottle from his hand and walked to the kitchen. “Call. Her.” I dramatically dropped the bottle into the trash and poured myself a small cup of sake.

Miroku stood up and began pacing as he finally called Mei and waited for her to answer. After a few uneventful minutes, he hung up. “She didn’t answer…” He innocently looked to me, sadness in his eyes.

“Call her back and leave a voicemail this time,” I suggested, growing impatient. I checked my own phone, noticing that Kagura had messaged me back. I had reluctantly informed her of the recent showdown at my apartment.

Miroku called again and began pacing, again.

He was making _me_ nervous.

I sipped on my beverage, watching Miroku like a hawk. He would do the deed. Mei had to go.

His face lit up with the most pathetic glimmer of hope. “Mei!”

I could hear her screeching at him through the phone the moment he said her name.

What should have been a simple break up notification soon turned into a shouting match. I couldn’t take it. I downed my drink, grabbed my phone, a lighter, and my pack of clove cigars off the counter and stormed out the back door. I wanted to be as far away from that as possible.

My anxiety was spiking again. Not because of Miroku—not really, anyway. I hated it when people screamed at each other. The screaming reminded me of my parents; it reminded me of my mother… before she was taken away when Father divorced her…. And I hated seeing my loved ones in such distress. Especially when I was powerless to help them.

I craved destruction.

The anger and isolation that haunted my soul since I was sixteen longed for me to satisfy that terrible, animalistic need. The devil in my bloodstream that was bipolar depression, inherited with love from my mother, demanded I release my pent-up rage in the most destructive way possible.

I couldn’t…

I didn’t want to go back on the medication.

I fell to my knees and cried out to the clear night sky and shining stars above. I felt like the stars were mocking me, reminding me that everything I wished for would never come true.

I was brought out of my thoughts by feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw that Kagura had messaged me. Three times.

23:05: ‘ _Is Miroku ok?’_

_23:07: ‘Are you ok?’_

_23:28: ‘Sango, I don’t know what is happening there right now, but please know that I care about you and I hope you’re safe. I wish I was there to be with you and protect you right now. I want so badly to be there for you. Please be safe. You take such good care of everyone around you and you have the biggest heart. When I come home, please let me take care of you, for a day at least. You don’t always have to be the strong one.’_

It was now 00:01. _Dammit…_ I hope she didn’t think something truly bad happened to either of us.

How far away had I walked anyway?

I was on my last cigar and currently standing in the parking lot of my old apartment building, _the party pad,_ in the next neighborhood over. 

It was already getting chilly out. I was thankful I was wearing the hoodie Kagura purchased for me a few days ago. I smiled at the thought.

_Hmm…_

I debated calling Kagura but ultimately opted against it. She didn’t need this shit. She was on vacation with her family.

I began the lonely walk back to my apartment. _I hope Miroku is alright…_

Probably drunk as fuck.

I sighed.

My phone rang as I was cutting through the rental office lawn in my old community.

“Hello?”

“ _Sango!”_

“ _Kagura?! Hey!”_

She called me.

“ _Are you ok? I got worried… I’m sorry—I don’t want to seem overbearing, but I just had a bad feeling… Are you guys ok?”_

I wiped my eyes and cleared my throat. “Yeah… we’re good.” I took a deep breath. “How is the vacation?”

“ _It’s pretty fun… I can tell you all about it when I come back. Right now, though, I want to be here for you. I’m so sorry Mei pulled that shit on you and Miroku…”_

I laughed darkly. “Kagura… I whipped her ass.”

Kagura laughed. “ _Oh?”_

“Yeah… not sure if I’m proud of it or not… but she _hit_ him, Kagura!” I could feel my chest tightening and my emotions flaring once more.

“ _What the fuck? You said they were just fighting in your text…”_

“I didn’t want to worry you…” I folded my arms across the metal fence surrounding the pool and gazed at the moon’s reflection in the water. “I didn’t want to scare you away…”

Kagura was silent for a moment. My anxiety heightened further.

“ _You’re not going to scare me away, Sango.”_

I felt tears starting to fall from my eyes and tried so hard to keep my voice level. “No… Kagura, I’m fucked up. My friends are fucked up…”

“ _You’re human, Sango. And you have emotions. You’re so strong, you really are, but you don’t have to be strong_ all _the time.”_ I let her words reverberate with my mind.

“Kagura, I hit a girl today… I broke a bourbon bottle over her head—”

 _“Because she_ attacked _your best friend! And disrespected you both in your home! I would have done the same thing if someone had done that to Renkotsu!”_

 _But I’m a monster, too, Kagura…_ I was spacing again…

_“Sango? Sango! Are you there? Are you ok?”_

“Huh? Sorry, Kagura… I’m here…”

 _“Listen, I’m here for you. I_ want _to be here for you. I know you feel alone. I would like to change that. I can’t promise you the world but I can promise you that I’m not going anywhere…”_

_Please don’t lie to me, Kagura…_

_Please don’t hurt me…_

I think I believed her. I wanted to, in my heart of hearts. A certain shade of sincerity dripped from her voice with an urgency that I could almost feel.

_“When I come home… you’re mine for a day. Let me take care of you. You don’t have to be everyone’s super hero all the time.”_

“Okay…”

_“Promise?”_

“Promise.”

“ _Okay, Sango. I’m going to let you go now, okay? Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself until I return.”_

“I promise…”

“ _Good! I’ll see you in a few days!”_

“Same!” _Idiot…_

_“Goodnight, babe. I’ll text you tomorrow.”_

_She called me babe._

_I am shook._

“Good…night…” I hung up the phone and finished my trek back home, a bit more pep in my step and a little less crippling depression weighing me down.


	11. If It Means a Lot to You

‘ _You look beautiful, darling. Absolutely luminous. C:’_

“You look beautiful, darling!”

Both Kagura’s message and Miroku’s verbal compliments made me smile, igniting a warmth in my chest to match the blush on my cheeks. I looked to Miroku in the mirror. He sat on the chair behind me, looking quite dashing himself in his brown three-piece suit and orange tie. I wore a matching dress—crème-colored with orange accents. Ayame and Koga went for a fall theme for their month-early shotgun wedding.

They kept it a hell of a secret. Miroku didn’t even know.

And now we were all getting ready for their wedding, nearly forty-five minutes away from my place, in Ueno Park. Kagome was the maid of honor and Inuyasha was the best man. Ginta, Hakkaku, Jakotsu, Miroku, Shippo, and I were also in the wedding party, which was fun. However, I was unable to secure my preferred date in time, as she was coming back from her family vacation tonight.

So, I took Miroku instead.

We took the bullet train from nearest our land of suburbia, closer to Miroku’s neck of the woods than mine. We planned ahead, fully prepared to be shitfaced before the reception was even over. Well, Miroku would be shitfaced by then, at least. I had to maintain some semblance of self-control until at least the first dance was over. Inuyasha and I were performing the song—an acoustic rendition of “If It Means a Lot to You” by A Day to Remember. I was a little nervous, as both Koga and Ayame had rather large, extended families who would be in attendance; but I was not completely afraid.

I had my best friends and a standardized shit-ton of alcohol to calm my nerves.

And a steady stream of encouraging texts from Kagura.

Turns out, she was actually quite saddened by not being home to make it to the wedding in time. I had to admit, my mood was initially dampened, as well. I secretly looked forward to the prospect of dancing with her, for just a moment. Plus, it seemed like almost everyone had someone—even Shippo was lucky enough to finally ask out his long-time crush, Satsuki, a girl from his high school. Even Sesshomaru and Rin were there, as guests.

My loneliness was soon washed away by the antics and controlled chaos that came with rushing around at the last minute to perfect everyone’s hair, clothes, and general setup for the event. Then came the photos. _Lots_ of photos. My disdain for having my own picture taken was immediately overrode by the joy of seeing the stars in Ayame’s eyes and the look of pure love and adoration on Koga’s face when he first saw her in the wedding dress. I think the boy was near tears.

I walked down the aisle with Miroku, my arm looped into his. I was shocked he didn’t try anything perverted as we walked through the crowd. Today was going so well, though, I would have welcomed his antics just for the comedic value we would provide. But alas, this was not the day or time or place. Once we all took our positions at the altar, I watched Ayame’s grandfather walk her down the aisle. I stifled tears myself, feeling so genuinely happy for this girl who had barely known me a few years, and had asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. Kagome was already crying. And I saw a tear finally escape Koga’s eye as he watched the love of his life walk down the aisle, eyes only for him.

They gave me hope.

I listened to their vows, unable to contain my smile. I watched Inuyasha and Kagome glance at one another a few times, smiling in their own rights. I glimpsed Kagome fidget with her own wedding ring once or twice. Miroku caught my gaze once and winked at me before offering his most genuine smile. The groom kissed the bride, Ayame’s mother cried, Hakkaku and Ginta burst into tears, and we made our way back up the stairs and behind the scenes, where Inuyasha popped the cork out of the first of many champagne bottles.

Koga and Ayame were the last to join us in the backroom of the nature center’s amphitheater. He literally carried her through the doorway and spun her around in a dramatic, romantic style before lowering her to the ground and holding her in a low embrace and accompanying kiss. We all cheered and whooped for our friends, extremely happy for their union. I had to stop Miroku from showering them with champagne, lest he ruin Ayame’s dress and invoke the fury of a woman scorned on her wedding day. Koga probably would have punched his lights out, as well.

Before too long, Inuyasha, Miroku, and I wandered off to set up the music equipment in the reception hall.

“Our boy finally got hitched!” stated Miroku as he leapt onto the stage and busied himself with adjusting the microphone stand.

“Indeed, he did,” said Inuyasha. “Didn’t think the mangy fucker had it in him!” The silver-haired boy laughed as he began perfecting our already-crafted set up. We brought the amp, mic, and guitar up far earlier this morning, but in our haste, left it as is until nearer to the reception. I expected Sesshomaru to be joining shortly, as he was DJ for the event, as well.

Miroku helped me up on the stage. “M’lady!” I couldn’t help but giggle at his exaggerated chivalry.

“Thank you, kind sir,” I replied, rolling my eyes.

“Anything for you, dollface!” Miroku smiled and then followed me as I went to plug in the guitar and test it.

Miroku’s hand soon found my ass and then his own ass soon found the floor, after I shoved him off the stage.

Inuyasha and I had a good laugh at that, as we began our own makeshift soundcheck.

“Well, _I never!”_ Exclaimed Miroku in mock hurt.

“Shut up and go get the second mic from my gear bag in the closet,” commanded Inuyasha.

“Right away, sir!” Miroku scrambled to his feet and bowed. He spun on his heel and blew a raspberry at Inuyasha as he departed. I rolled my eyes at his shenanigans once more.

Inuyasha finished tuning the guitar and gently strummed the strings. He looked to me, warmth and a spark of excitement evident in his amber eyes. “You nervous?” We both looked ahead, at the fifty plus round tables before us, each surrounded by six chairs and decorated with a beautiful floral centerpiece in a carved-out pumpkin.

“Eh…” I felt my mouth dry a little and swallowed. “Maybe a little?” I nervously rubbed my arm.

“Don’t be!” Inuyasha put his hand on my shoulder. “We’ll show ‘em all what we’re made of! We’re the voices of Second Heartbeat, after all!”

Miroku came back, right on cue. He tossed the microphone up to Inuyasha, who caught it effortlessly. “You’ll knock ‘em dead!” My best friend winked at me.

Miroku took his assigned seat at one of the front tables, reserved for the wedding party and their plus ones, if applicable. Soon after, our friends joined, along with dozens more pouring into the room.

* * *

It was almost hard for me to finish the song. It really was.

It was an honor to watch Koga and Ayame dance together, for the first time, as husband and wife. And to provide my own vocal talents alongside of one of my closest friends for such an important occasion.

Of course, I watched them and didn’t miss a single note, despite feeling super nervous the whole time. I saw Inuyasha make eye contact with Kagome a few times, out of my peripheral vision. I knew he was thinking of her during specific lines as he sang. I may or may not have thought of Kagura a few times.

The crowd cheered and clapped; and Koga took the spotlight and the main microphone. “Give it up for the vocal talents of Inuyasha Taisho and Sango Taijiya—my bandmates and amazing friends!” He came between us and put his arms around our shoulders. I blushed and felt my body growing hot, unsure if it was nerves, the stage lighting, or both. We then left the stage to Sesshomaru to set up the rest of the night’s music.

“ _Sangooooooo!_ ” Miroku pulled me into a hug and spun me around. I clung to him and shrieked as my feet left the floor.

“Miroku!” I laughed. “Put me down!”

“You were awesome!” He complied. “As usual!”

I smiled and took my seat beside him at the table. Koga and Ayame soon joined us as well.

“I got a good one of you, Koga, and Inuyasha!” Miroku leaned next to me and showed me the photograph on his phone, taken when Koga came to hug us both on stage at the conclusion of our short act. I smiled; it _was_ a good picture.

“I want a copy of that one, please. Send it to me,” I said as Miroku flipped through more photos he had taken. He paused at a video. “Hey, Miroku, can I see my phone?”

“Sure.” He reached into his pocket and handed me the small device.

I had a few messages from Kagura. The first was a picture message containing a selfie of her in front of a coastal sunset. Another picture message of her and her father. _Damn, she looks a lot like him…_ And the third message…

‘ _You were so amazing! Miroku just sent me the video! You have such a beautiful voice, Sango c:’_

I was elated. And also madder than hell.

“You _took a video?!_ ” I turned to Miroku and grabbed him by the lapels of his suit jacket.

Miroku grinned sheepishly. “I thought it would be a good memento of such a fine performance on this blessed day!”

“ _And you sent it to Kagura?!_ ” I pulled Miroku down closer to my level. Even in these damned high heels, I was still nowhere near his height.

“Well, she said you have a beautiful voice!”

“And you read my texts?!”

I shoved him away, took my seat, and readily grabbed my awaiting glass of champagne.

Kagome scooted closer to me to initially take a picture together. I smiled for the photo and then scowled at Miroku once more. “Well, going through your texts was a bit dickish,” said Kagome, “but, you did earn a compliment from Kagura for the song.”

“True…” I sipped my beverage and gazed past the crowds and out a lovely stained-glass window across the room.

“How’s that going, anyway?” Kagome asked cautiously and quietly.

“Hmm?” I raised an eyebrow at her. Then it hit me like the gulp of champagne I almost choked on. “ _Oh…_ Kagura… right…”

“Well?” asked Kagome.

“Eh… good,” I answered, pouring myself another glass.

“Does she still have that boyfriend?”

 _We’re going to need a bigger bottle…_ “I don’t know, Kagome. I honestly don’t know.”

Kagome rested her hand on mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Just be careful, Sango. I know how quickly you can fall for people, sometimes…” She glanced at Miroku, who was turned away from us in his chair, leaning forward and happily bullshitting with Inuyasha, Koga, and Ayame. My eyes followed hers and rested on the boy in question. _He’s no Valentine… but once upon a time, he said he would be mine…_

My friend grabbed my other hand and guided me to turn back toward her. Our eyes met. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt, Sango.”

“I know…” I managed a soft smile, which Kagome returned in full. I appreciated her friendship, I really did.

“Hey,” said Kagome. The younger girl stood up and offered me her hand. “Let’s go for a walk, shall we?”

“Okay…” I was sure to grab my champagne glass before we took off.

Kagome led me out of the reception hall and down the empty hallway to the empty children’s museum wing, where it was calm and quiet, aside from the muffled sounds of the wedding reception.

“Everything okay?” I asked Kagome, following her to the railing, where she was leaning. We glanced ahead and then down at the seemingly deserted play structures below.

“Yes,” answered Kagome. “Just wanted to check in with you.” She smiled at me.

I was quiet for a moment, unbeckoned nervousness tugging at my insides. “I appreciate that, Kagome.”

“You’re welcome. You’re one of my best friends.”

I’d known her for years now, and I still did not know how to respond to her kindness. Kagome had the biggest heart. She really was the glue that held our college friend group together, especially post-graduation. And she was always there for all of us, no matter what.

I just felt bad sometimes. I knew she longed for closeness and disclosure in our friendship. And I knew she would always be more than happy to offer a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. But that was just simply not the way I was built, to respond to such kindness in the socially acceptable way. I would be here for her as a best friend turned sister should always be; however, I had trouble allowing her to reciprocate.

After my crush on Miroku fizzled out, he had become my confidant moreso than Kagome or anyone else, aside from Kohaku. And then Kohaku left for the military…

“I miss my little brother…” I decided to voice my thoughts aloud for once.

“I’m sorry, Sango.” Kagome put her arm around my shoulders.

“It’s okay.” Silence fell between us once more, in an unexpectedly comfortable fashion.

“How are you doing?” Kagome asked quietly. “Like, how are you _really_ doing?”

I wasn’t sure how to respond. I mean, really, I was fine for the time being. It wasn’t until I was alone, and alone with my thoughts, that everything tried to attack all at once. Grief, loneliness, the stress, and fear of the future…

But, I realized, I was feeling better overall. Since Kagura had entered my life.

“I’m alright, Kagome,” I finally answered. “How have you been?”

“Good; I’m glad to hear that.” A genuine, contagious smile crept over her young features and I couldn’t help my own grin in response. “And I’ve been good, also. Just not looking forward to fall semester. It’s like we can’t catch a break!”

I chuckled. “Yeah…” More comforting silence.

“Well, random…” started Kagome. I turned to look at her and raised an eyebrow. “What are you going to do?”

“With what?’

“Well… have you heard from Jou lately?”

 _Oh, shit. Nope…_ “Um…”

Kagome gave me a knowing smile. “Say no more…”

I deadpanned with guilt. _Jou is a nice boy…_

“I know where your heart lies, Sango.” I looked away from my friend and nervously wrung my hands together. “I support you, either way. I see the way your face lights up when you talk about Kagura and when she texts you.”

“She makes me feel beautiful,” I said quietly, slightly abashed at how soft and true my words were. “I feel like I can be myself with her… and she hasn’t run yet...”

“Sango,” Kagome began again, “just be careful. And know that if she _ever_ hurts you, I’ll kick her ass into next year!”

I laughed. “Duly noted, Kagome.”

Kagome pulled me into an embrace. We held one another for a moment; and I allowed myself to enjoy the small comfort.

“You should probably tell Jou, though… let him down gently.”

“Yeah…”

* * *

I chased Ayame and Kagome through the play structures in the children’s museum. We were happily drunk by now. I was pretty sure Ayame alone was on her third bottle of champagne.

I still couldn’t believe she did it…

About twenty minutes ago, Koga and Ayame cut the cake. And Ayame shoved her first slice right into her lawfully wedded husband’s face. I was lucky enough to take a photo of the scene for us to cherish forever. It was now Koga’s contact photo in my phone.

And I couldn’t believe _us_ right now.

We were running from the boys, through all the colorful tunnels, slides and ball pits of a children’s museum that was currently rented out for the wedding. Inuyasha still had nerf guns in his trunk, apparently. This was a war zone now. He would probably never see his ammunition ever again after this adventure, though.

Kagome, Ayame, and I were armed with nerf swords, also from Inuyasha’s trunk. We currently sat at the top of the treehouse-themed play structure. Kagome was guarding the stairway entrance and I was guarding the slide. I could hear clumsy, somewhat anguished movement echoing up through the tunnel. At the same time, a foam bullet flew up from the stairway and whizzed between me and Ayame.

“ _Oh, ladies!”_ Koga called from the stairs. His words were followed by another _pop-pop_ and accompanying foam projectiles.

“Oh, shit! It’s our Y-chromosomes!” yelled Ayame in mock concern. She held up her sword and impressively deflected another bullet.

Inuyasha and Koga soon came charging into the tower and chased us around. They were setting their sights mostly on Ayame and Kagome. I was growing wary of Miroku’s whereabouts, seeing as he was not in the stairs with the other two…

_The slide!_

As if on cue, Miroku had just crawled to the top of our hideout from the tunnel slide.

“ _Sup, bitches?!_ ” Miroku shouted as he shot at us all with several nerf bullets. I deflected a few with my sword and then got the bright idea to head in his direction.

“Not today, Satan!”

“Sango, what are you doing?!”

I pushed Miroku back down the slide and hit him with my nerf sword as he began his descent and related string of curses.

“ _Shit! Shit! SHIT!”_ I laughed maniacally as I heard him hitting his elbows and knees on the plastic tunnel as he slid back to the bottom. _“Fuck you all!_ ” Miroku’s curses echoed up through the slide, along with the sounds of a few misplaced gunshots.

“Oh fuck! Miroku down!” exclaimed Koga. He and Inuyasha cocked their weapons and aimed at me. “Revenge!” Ayame and Kagome ran for the stairs, pushing past the boys.

“Oh, _hell_ no!” I threw my sword at Inuyasha, who dramatically feigned injury. I then dived headfirst into the tunnel slide, not giving a single fuck that I was still wearing my bridesmaid dress.

I knocked Miroku down once more at the end of the ride and we proceeded to lay on the ground, laughing until our ribs hurt.

* * *

“ _What… the fuck…?”_

I groaned and sat up, stretching my aching limbs.

_Where the fuck am I?_

I glanced around, narrowing my eyes and holding my hand to my forehead. The smallest slivers of light pouring in from the windows was still enough to offend my tired eyes and throbbing head.

I appeared to be sitting in the middle of a ball pit.

_What… did we do…?_

The colorful balls beside me stirred and I scrambled to my feet, alarmed. Disoriented and still a wee bit drunk from the previous night, I fell back to the plastic floor. Before panic mode could fully set in, Miroku’s distinctive laughter erupted from behind me. I quickly turned to face him.

“Good morning, beautiful!”

He was far too lively for this morning. I threw a ball at his head.

“Ow!”

“Morning, Miroku.”

How this man didn’t get hangovers, I would never know…

* * *

‘ _Hey, Jou’_

_‘Yea, what’s up?’_

_‘Hey, I need to tell you something.’_

I sighed and leaned my head back against the surprisingly comfortable seat as I rode the bullet train back to Miroku’s car and real life.

“You tell him yet?” asked Miroku.

“I’m getting there… he hasn’t replied.”

“Ah…”

My hangover was finally subsiding. Miroku and I were the last ones to leave the museum, apparently. The cleanup crew was more than happy to chase us out. One of them was nice enough to offer us each a bottle of water and a snack from the vending machine, though.

“That’s another party to remember,” wistfully stated Miroku.

He was not wrong. It was finally coming back to me—how we ended up passing out in the ball pit, at least…

_Buzz._

_‘what’s up?’_

I didn’t want to hurt Jou. I really didn’t…

_But my heart is set on Kagura…_

Just the thought of her smile made me weak…

_And then there’s last night…_

I seriously doubted Jou would have survived Koga and Ayame’s wedding reception. The alcohol, the dancing, the drugs, the nerf guns… the ball pits…

He needed someone mature. Someone ready to surrender drunken debauchery and rock shows for a 9 to 5 and a decent salary.

‘ _Jou, you’re a really nice guy and you’re smart and talented and you’re going to do amazing things one day. Unfortunately, I am not anywhere near where you need a potential girlfriend to be. I am also still stuck on someone else, which is not fair to you at all. I do like you, though, as a friend. I don’t want that to change, but I understand if you don’t ever want to talk to me again.’_

_Send._

“Miroku,” I leaned against my best friend’s shoulder. I yawned and closed my eyes. “I did the deed.”

“Good.” He put his arm around me and yawned himself. “Fuck that guy...”

I laughed, “Word…”

Once more, as exhaustion from my recent adventures swept over me, I thought of my youth, my friends, my love… I thought of music and champagne and foam swords and fake bullets. The last thing to cross my foggy mind was that song stuck in my head since we covered it at the wedding, accompanied by the memory of walking through the park with Kagura that one day…


End file.
